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Advice for a stepmom....

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:19 AM
  • 6 Replies
How do you handle the constant "but my mom lets me" ?

My husband has a five year old. I watch him every Saturday since daycare is closed and his mom and dad work Saturday.

His mom is more of a friend than a parent. And she involves him in all decisions. Her house has no rules, and ours does. He has always been really good until about the last month. He has just gotten this attitude.

I let him play with his toys in the living room (but no small things because I have a nine month old), when I done he knows he is supposed to pick them up. All of a sudden he doesn't want to because he doesn't have to at him moms. He just leaves stuff everywhere until he plays with it again. This is not an option at our house with the baby.

I let him have a snack (it was piece of candy which I rarely give him), he wanted more and I told him he could have an apple if still hungry. And I get but my mom lets me eat whatever I want. Sad thing is I know she does. He eat top ramen for dinner or Mac and cheese. And all the junk he wants.

It's been a year since she moved back in state and doesn't let us have him for one holiday. Her answer is she will be lonely with out him. She does have other family her. I just think it's bs.

I feel like we are just used for child care when she needs it.

Grrrr. Rant over!
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:19 AM
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Replies (1-6):
VinVanMom
by Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:22 AM

Tell him every home has different rules. Just like every classroom and teacher. He has to adapt. We have them written and posted. Let him know it's for all the kids baby will bide by them when older.

venessaw04
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:04 PM

We use to reply with "Well this isnt your moms and we do things different here"  WE have rules in our home that are to be followed by all kids bio or step no if and or buts.  

If watching him is and issue bring it to DH attention esp if its on days she should be having him.  What is the custody situation?

bonnie333
by Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 2:17 PM

i used to have that issue with 3 yold, told her those are the rules, talked with dh and made sure we were both following them, its a rough adjustment but eventually they adapt, stay strong and dont let him walk over you.

AbbeysMom2013
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:07 PM
I make sure my husband and I are on the same page. I have been watching him the last year, and it's only recently he is acting out. So not sure what changed.

I just told him that I'm not his mom, and I expect the same thing out of him that I will of his sister when she is older (he said he didn't have to pick up his toys because the 8 month old didn't have to lol).

I think he is starting to not like it her because it's so different than at home. We have rules and he runs his moms house.

Quoting bonnie333:

i used to have that issue with 3 yold, told her those are the rules, talked with dh and made sure we were both following them, its a rough adjustment but eventually they adapt, stay strong and dont let him walk over you.

AbbeysMom2013
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:08 PM
Writing them down might not be a bad idea.

Quoting VinVanMom:

Tell him every home has different rules. Just like every classroom and teacher. He has to adapt. We have them written and posted. Let him know it's for all the kids baby will bide by them when older.

AbbeysMom2013
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:12 PM
Their custody non existent. He is really passive and doesn't want to upset her, she is nuts and over reacts.

When he was just over one they disagreed about something and she picked up and moved outta state. She jus moved back about a year ago. He feels like he needs to walk on eggshells with her for fear she might leave again. I trying to encourage him to go to court, but it's really outta my hands.

He is in school during the week, I watch him Saturday while they work and we take him home Sunday. At least we have a consistent day now.

Quoting venessaw04:

We use to reply with "Well this isnt your moms and we do things different here"  WE have rules in our home that are to be followed by all kids bio or step no if and or buts.  

If watching him is and issue bring it to DH attention esp if its on days she should be having him.  What is the custody situation?

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