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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

daughter turning 14& wants to date

Posted by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 12:10 PM
  • 31 Replies
Ok. My daughter is turning 14 and ask me if she can start dating. My response was the age to datin is 16. I think she is still far too young! Of course she doesnt like that answer. She preceeds telling me all of her friends gets to have boyfriends and do things but she doesnt. She yelled at me saying That I treat her like a baby and she will just ask her dad about it she is sure he will be less strict than I am. I told her father wouldn't agree to allowing her to do such a thing at a young age still. And if she can't respect me with lower her tone and stop with the attitude than she will lose her cell and internet. She got smart and more mouthy so I took her phone. As I was goin thru it this morning I found some very provocative photos of her that She sent to several boys. As well from Readin text it seem she has been Actin sexually with them.I haven't spoken to her about this. I never dealt with this with my oldest daughter. I'm just tryin to think of a way to talk with her and want to hear what's going on in her. I know things been very rough with my goin thru separation and all the hard things I'm facing with my DH. I didn't have a clue any of this stuff was going on with her. It really makes me not want her dating. But than again she already is basically sneaking around doing it! How would any of you handle this? Appreciate any helpful feedback!
by on Feb. 6, 2014 at 12:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SexyTeacher
by Gold Member on Feb. 6, 2014 at 6:03 PM
2 moms liked this

The age in my house was 16 too. DD will be 16 mext month and can start dating then. At age 14 I could meet my BF at the mall and we go to the movies, hang out etc. That might be a good compromise. BTW, take the phone and internet NOW.

a_and_j_momma
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2014 at 12:56 AM
16 at my house
a_and_j_momma
by Gold Member on Feb. 7, 2014 at 12:57 AM
3 moms liked this
You need to talk to her about the sexual nature of her texts. Do not ignore this or the sex talk
sfigu16
by Member on Feb. 7, 2014 at 1:00 AM
1 mom liked this
I was 14 when I started dating my now df and my mother did not like it at all but I still found a way to see him. Until next and her had a talk and I was going to be able to have a make friend (she never called it bf) but with her rules and terms. She would go out with us to the movies, mall etc and he would come over for 2 hours on Saturdays only. It worked fine till I turned 17 and I was able to have a move private relationship

But if she's already doing that I would take everything away from her.
illogicalkat
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2014 at 4:30 AM
1 mom liked this


Quote:

I know things been very rough with my goin thru separation and all the hard things I'm facing with my DH.

This might have the most to do with it.

I'm not a mother of teenaged girl, mind you, but it strikes me that she could be looking for attention, from anyone that is not her family, and she's too young to know the difference between good and dangerous attention yet. So she might go with what she's seen or heard about from other people.

I actually wouldn't take her phone away if you think she might retaliate by sneaking out or just getting another one from her father. If she does sneak out, you can track her phone's gps & just show up wherever she is (that would make a huge impact.) Definitely sit down with her and ask her about the texts and pictures, though.

A (slightly impartial) third party, like one of her friends' moms, or maybe a youth group leader, might be helpful, too. I do remember that it was a lot easier to hear the hard truths from someone I trusted, who wasn't also my mom.

AM-BRAT
by Amber on Feb. 7, 2014 at 4:36 AM
1 mom liked this
How scary and frustrating. :(

I wish I had really great, comforting advice for you. At 14 my family was completely broken and I started having sex with people.

My kids aren't there yet. Idk how I'm going to handle these things 'the right way.'

Gl mama.
tginn20
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2014 at 8:40 AM
2 moms liked this

I would show her what I found and ask for an explaination. Tell her that she is not going to get punished for it, however there are going to be stricter rules in place until she earns your trust back. Talk to her, there is a reason she is acting like this...


brookerenee45
by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 9:21 AM
Thank you for the feedback.
Oh no I'm.not going to ignore or dismiss the whole sexually acting out. Her sister took her out yesterday just to have some alone time and talk with her! Hoping it may will help.

Quoting a_and_j_momma: You need to talk to her about the sexual nature of her texts. Do not ignore this or the sex talk
momofsixangels
by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 9:23 AM
2 moms liked this

I didnt really pick an age for my girls. I think it depends on their level of maturity.

brookerenee45
by on Feb. 7, 2014 at 9:28 AM
My DH whom I'm separated from is not her father. My DH and her did not have a good relationship. I know she is relieved of my leaving him. But I know the whole situation of things she had to hear and witness between him and I may be affecting her in a big way. We all will be starting counseling. One on one and family:).

I will give her phone back I'm just not sure exactly when. I'm trying to talk her father into cutting the picture mail and internet from it. He doesn't agree with that part! She and her older sister yesterday evening went out just the two of them. She seemed like she might had a nice time. I'm hoping their conversation might will help her some talking to someone else other than myself.

Quoting illogicalkat:



Quote:

I know things been very rough with my goin thru separation and all the hard things I'm facing with my DH.

This might have the most to do with it.

I'm not a mother of teenaged girl, mind you, but it strikes me that she could be looking for attention, from anyone that is not her family, and she's too young to know the difference between good and dangerous attention yet. So she might go with what she's seen or heard about from other people.

I actually wouldn't take her phone away if you think she might retaliate by sneaking out or just getting another one from her father. If she does sneak out, you can track her phone's gps & just show up wherever she is (that would make a huge impact.) Definitely sit down with her and ask her about the texts and pictures, though.

A (slightly impartial) third party, like one of her friends' moms, or maybe a youth group leader, might be helpful, too. I do remember that it was a lot easier to hear the hard truths from someone I trusted, who wasn't also my mom.

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