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Teenage Daughter Will Not Take my Advice

Posted by on Feb. 25, 2014 at 9:08 AM
  • 104 Replies

I'm really frustrated with my daughter.  This past Saturday my girls and I had to go to the dentist.  After the dentist I planned to go to the store to get D8's soccer cleats and then drop them off at their father's as he sees them every Saturday per our custody order. 

As we're leaving the dentist's office my D15 tells me we have to go back home because her tampon over flowed onto her panties.  She didn't bring any tampons or pads with her.  A long time ago I had told her she needed to always bring a purse with her, so she could carry those things with her.  Does she bring a purse with her?  No. 

Now, the dentist, the store and their father's location are all in the same area, but about 40 minutes away from where we live.  So this meant I have to drive 40 minutes back home, then another 40 minutes back to the store, then to their dad's.  I was very mad that she did not follow my advice to always carry a purse with her.

I told this is why she should always carry a purse with her, so she can have extra stuff with her in case of emergencies like this.  She said I don't like carrying a purse, it's a hassle.

Frustrated, I said "It's a hassle being a female!  It's a hassle having a period!"  She was crying, I was mad, it was a huge, emotional scene in the car. 

 

My girls have biracial hair which takes a long time to do.  In the morning my D15 is supposed to get herself ready and then go make breakfast while I'm doing D8's hair.   By the time I finish D8's hair D15 should have breakfast ready so all we have to do is eat and go.  However, this morning after I finish D8's hair I go downstairs to find D15 is just starting to make breakfast.  Granted, she realized she was beyond schedule and was boiling water to make instant oatmeal which is quicker to make than what we usually have.  But she was so behind we still wound up eating breakfast late, which almost made me late to get D8 to school and me to work.

D15 explained her hair took longer than usual to do.  She was trying to put the top half of her hair up into a ponytail.  She said she spent several minutes parting her hair, but her arms got tired, so when she let her arms down to rest, the parted hair fell back down into the rest of her hair and got all tangled up.  So she had to do the part all over again.

I told her next time, after she parts her hair, to clip it up if she has to rest her arms so that way she doesn't have to do the part all over again.

I don't remember exactly what she said, but she said something to the effect of "I don't want to clip it up, I'll just do it over again."  I told her the point is not to have to waste time doing something over again when we don't have a lot of time in the morning.  And she started arguing with me about it!

I told her "D15, this is just like the incident with the purse. I'm giving you advice to HELP you.  I'm telling what to do to make things easier, save time.  And you're saying you don't want to do it."

"I don't understand, WHY do you have to make everything so difficult?"

She said "I don't know."

I told her "Things like this make things harder, not only for you, but affect your sister and me.  I need you to make breakfast in the morning because I have to do your sister's hair.  Because you're late making breakfast, that's making me late to get your sister to school and me to work."

I don't understand.  I'm giving her advice to HELP her, to make things easier for everyone.  Why can't she do what I tell her to do?  Why does she have to make everything so difficult?

AURGH!!

ETA - I don't see anything wrong with having a teenager cook a meal.  I don't see any difference between a teenager cooking a meal and any other daily chore, like washing the dishes or taking out the trash.  When I was her age I was cooking dinner twice a week for a family of four. 

And her, her sister and I all have to eat breakfast at the same time, so it makes no sense for her to cook breakfast just for herself when we all have to eat.  All she has to do is put two more waffles in the toaster for me and her sister at the same time her waffle is toasting.  Having her cook her own breakfast separately would cause more problems because then I'd have to wait for her to finish cooking before I could use the toaster/stove.  And ya'll act like I'm having her to make biscuits from scratch or something.  All breakfast is is Eggo waffles and sausage links. 

And she isn't "serving" or "waiting" on me and her sister, she's helping out with things that need to be done in the morning.  I'm a single mom, I work full time, and I have fibromyalgia.  Sometimes it's all I can do to drag myself out of bed in the morning.  I NEED HELP and I don't see anything wrong with having my TEENAGE daughter help out a little.

My question isn't whether or not she should be cooking breakfast, but why she can't take any of the advice I give her?  Thanks so far for all the helpful tips/advice and encouragement.

by on Feb. 25, 2014 at 9:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
amber3902
by Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 11:25 AM

bump

nolongermstkn
by on Feb. 25, 2014 at 11:42 AM
3 moms liked this
With the purse id make her deal with consequences and had her go to her dads to change. Tough shit. My mom did that to me and i learned quick to carry extra.

The other situation i dont have much advice other than to start getting D8 up sarlier so you can make breakfast so D15 doesnt have to. Its not her responsibility.
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amber3902
by Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this

She doesn't have any pads or clothes at her dad's house.  They rarely spend the night at their dads.

I have to disagree with you about D15 making breakfast.  I don't think there's anything wrong with making a teenager help out around the house, like having her make breakfast in the morning.

But thanks for your input.

Quoting nolongermstkn: With the purse id make her deal with consequences and had her go to her dads to change. Tough shit. My mom did that to me and i learned quick to carry extra.

The other situation i dont have much advice other than to start getting D8 up sarlier so you can make breakfast so D15 doesnt have to. Its not her responsibility.


terpmama
by Bronze Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 12:04 PM
Where were your extras? Why couldn't she use those at the store or her dads?

I hate purses and keep spares either in my pokey or in the car.
amber3902
by Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 12:12 PM

Extra tampons wouldn't have helped at this point.

She had already bleed through onto her panties and her jeans so she had to change her clothes.

Quoting terpmama: Where were your extras? Why couldn't she use those at the store or her dads?

I hate purses and keep spares either in my pokey or in the car.


terpmama
by Bronze Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 12:25 PM
Which I assumed she'd have at her dads...

Quoting amber3902:

Extra tampons wouldn't have helped at this point.

She had already bleed through onto her panties and her jeans so she had to change her clothes.

Quoting terpmama: Where were your extras? Why couldn't she use those at the store or her dads?



I hate purses and keep spares either in my pokey or in the car.


nolongermstkn
by on Feb. 25, 2014 at 12:26 PM
4 moms liked this
She shouldny have to rush to get ready to feed yall. Shes 15 and D8 and you are not her responsibility to take care of and feed. Yku should be doin that not her.

Quoting amber3902:

She doesn't have any pads or clothes at her dad's house.  They rarely spend the night at their dads.

I have to disagree with you about D15 making breakfast.  I don't think there's anything wrong with making a teenager help out around the house, like having her make breakfast in the morning.

But thanks for your input.

Quoting nolongermstkn: With the purse id make her deal with consequences and had her go to her dads to change. Tough shit. My mom did that to me and i learned quick to carry extra.



The other situation i dont have much advice other than to start getting D8 up sarlier so you can make breakfast so D15 doesnt have to. Its not her responsibility.


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DanaG70
by Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 12:29 PM
5 moms liked this

Teenager and advice don't go together... =)


amber3902
by Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 12:37 PM

No, she doesn't have anything over at her dads.

They only go to visit him on Saturday afternoons.  They haven't spent the night at their dads in months.  HIs choice, not mine.  He doesn't want them to spend the night.  They might still have some old pajamas at his place, but that's about it.


Quoting terpmama: Which I assumed she'd have at her dads...

Quoting amber3902:

Extra tampons wouldn't have helped at this point.

She had already bleed through onto her panties and her jeans so she had to change her clothes.

Quoting terpmama: Where were your extras? Why couldn't she use those at the store or her dads?



I hate purses and keep spares either in my pokey or in the car.



amber3902
by Member on Feb. 25, 2014 at 12:48 PM

Okay, we can argue about who should be making breakfast later.

My issue is, why won't she follow ANY of the advice I give her to help her? These are just two examples where I'm trying to help her by giving her tips on how to get things done faster/better. 

My advice about using the hair clip, what's wrong with that? No, she doesn't want to do that.  It's like she's saying

"I know there's an easier way to do this, but I want to do it the hard way!"


Quoting nolongermstkn: She shouldny have to rush to get ready to feed yall. Shes 15 and D8 and you are not her responsibility to take care of and feed. Yku should be doin that not her.

Quoting amber3902:

She doesn't have any pads or clothes at her dad's house.  They rarely spend the night at their dads.

I have to disagree with you about D15 making breakfast.  I don't think there's anything wrong with making a teenager help out around the house, like having her make breakfast in the morning.

But thanks for your input.

Quoting nolongermstkn: With the purse id make her deal with consequences and had her go to her dads to change. Tough shit. My mom did that to me and i learned quick to carry extra.



The other situation i dont have much advice other than to start getting D8 up sarlier so you can make breakfast so D15 doesnt have to. Its not her responsibility.



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