I'm really frustrated with my daughter. This past Saturday my girls and I had to go to the dentist. After the dentist I planned to go to the store to get D8's soccer cleats and then drop them off at their father's as he sees them every Saturday per our custody order.
As we're leaving the dentist's office my D15 tells me we have to go back home because her tampon over flowed onto her panties. She didn't bring any tampons or pads with her. A long time ago I had told her she needed to always bring a purse with her, so she could carry those things with her. Does she bring a purse with her? No.
Now, the dentist, the store and their father's location are all in the same area, but about 40 minutes away from where we live. So this meant I have to drive 40 minutes back home, then another 40 minutes back to the store, then to their dad's. I was very mad that she did not follow my advice to always carry a purse with her.
I told this is why she should always carry a purse with her, so she can have extra stuff with her in case of emergencies like this. She said I don't like carrying a purse, it's a hassle.
Frustrated, I said "It's a hassle being a female! It's a hassle having a period!" She was crying, I was mad, it was a huge, emotional scene in the car.
My girls have biracial hair which takes a long time to do. In the morning my D15 is supposed to get herself ready and then go make breakfast while I'm doing D8's hair. By the time I finish D8's hair D15 should have breakfast ready so all we have to do is eat and go. However, this morning after I finish D8's hair I go downstairs to find D15 is just starting to make breakfast. Granted, she realized she was beyond schedule and was boiling water to make instant oatmeal which is quicker to make than what we usually have. But she was so behind we still wound up eating breakfast late, which almost made me late to get D8 to school and me to work.
D15 explained her hair took longer than usual to do. She was trying to put the top half of her hair up into a ponytail. She said she spent several minutes parting her hair, but her arms got tired, so when she let her arms down to rest, the parted hair fell back down into the rest of her hair and got all tangled up. So she had to do the part all over again.
I told her next time, after she parts her hair, to clip it up if she has to rest her arms so that way she doesn't have to do the part all over again.
I don't remember exactly what she said, but she said something to the effect of "I don't want to clip it up, I'll just do it over again." I told her the point is not to have to waste time doing something over again when we don't have a lot of time in the morning. And she started arguing with me about it!
I told her "D15, this is just like the incident with the purse. I'm giving you advice to HELP you. I'm telling what to do to make things easier, save time. And you're saying you don't want to do it."
"I don't understand, WHY do you have to make everything so difficult?"
She said "I don't know."
I told her "Things like this make things harder, not only for you, but affect your sister and me. I need you to make breakfast in the morning because I have to do your sister's hair. Because you're late making breakfast, that's making me late to get your sister to school and me to work."
I don't understand. I'm giving her advice to HELP her, to make things easier for everyone. Why can't she do what I tell her to do? Why does she have to make everything so difficult?
ETA - I don't see anything wrong with having a teenager cook a meal. I don't see any difference between a teenager cooking a meal and any other daily chore, like washing the dishes or taking out the trash. When I was her age I was cooking dinner twice a week for a family of four.
And her, her sister and I all have to eat breakfast at the same time, so it makes no sense for her to cook breakfast just for herself when we all have to eat. All she has to do is put two more waffles in the toaster for me and her sister at the same time her waffle is toasting. Having her cook her own breakfast separately would cause more problems because then I'd have to wait for her to finish cooking before I could use the toaster/stove. And ya'll act like I'm having her to make biscuits from scratch or something. All breakfast is is Eggo waffles and sausage links.
And she isn't "serving" or "waiting" on me and her sister, she's helping out with things that need to be done in the morning. I'm a single mom, I work full time, and I have fibromyalgia. Sometimes it's all I can do to drag myself out of bed in the morning. I NEED HELP and I don't see anything wrong with having my TEENAGE daughter help out a little.
My question isn't whether or not she should be cooking breakfast, but why she can't take any of the advice I give her? Thanks so far for all the helpful tips/advice and encouragement.