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Domestic Violence

Posted by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:12 AM
  • 10 Replies

Im having a difficult time in my life.  From the age of 17-29 I was with a man who fathered 4 of my children. Half of the relationship was good, the other half domesticly bad. He put me through hell. His favorite thing was to choke me up against the wall. He cheated, sold drugs out of our home, caused us to have to leave with only the clothes on our backs while I was pregnant with out fourth child. I was able to get me and the kids our own place.

He continued to abuse me there, while he had lived with another woman ...... he still felt like he was able to control my life and continued to abuse me even after we were not together.  to make a long story short... he was arrested for breaking a ppo that I had to fight the courts to get.... it just so happen that a domestic violence advocate went to his court hearing for me and returned to say.....

HOney you need to get to a shelter or leave town immediately and they are releasing him today. I moved to Detroit with my new boyfriend and the father of my youngest. He showed me what true love was but by the two year mark I had lost trust in him. I took and left him...... not a  great decision but I am still learning. I am now in a relationship again after a 2-3 year break of learning who I was, getting an associates degree in hopes of better financially raisin my 5 children. Two years ago I met the man I am with currently. we stayed friends for almost a year before entering into a relationship. we got a long great. now we live together he says that I am mentally sick and that I need help. I know he is trying to help me but yet I see myself getting loud trying to get my point out there. I almost can't. It's like I don't know anything because I am sick and dont realize what I am doing. I feel like sometimes he is not always right but I do have a temper and If i feel like its somewhat of an attack its almost immediately I fight back or feel like I have to. 


I know I have anxiety, my chest gets heavy, my hands shake like crazy, headaches 2-6 times a day.  I was also in a bad car accident that caused brain swelling. tbi closed head injury with brain contusions. the doctors told my parents that I would change. That accident was 20 years ago. I am struggling with what is going on with me. no doctor has told me why the headaches keep being such an issue. I did one time attempt something by taking 16 celexa. I went to the er and was released. Since then I have set me up with a therapist and a psychiatrist 


Has anyone had a successful recovery from domestic violence? It has been 7 years since I left that relationship and I feel like it's still ruining my life. Im not sure if its domestic violence the car accident I just dont know.  


Any comments suggestions or similar stories are welcomed. I just need to get this out there. I am looking for help maybe shared stories of success that what I feel or am going through can get better. 


Thank you very much for reading and for any responses good or bad to possibly help me get stronger. 

by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:33 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry for your trouble, that's great you are seeing a Psychiatrist who can prescribe, and also stay in counseling to try to learn strategies for coping when you get angry so you don't fly off the handle. The brain injury can cause changes in behavior but you can work hard and get better. As for the headaches, one thing you can try, and the only thing that works for my sister, is staying well hydrated, drink lots of water and juice smoothies, the ones made from veggies.

othermom
by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:43 AM
1 mom liked this

Look in to counsling and maybe medication for anxiety. That is a lot to over come

who-am-I-2014
by Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:51 AM

Thank you very much for your response. I have sleeping problems, i rarely eat, if anything I mainly live off of coffee and pop. I am trying to learn to live a healthier and happier life. I don't like to have my kids see me cry. . During that abusive stage of my life i lost all my friends. I lost my ability to communicate with others. Im so comfortable staying in the house and in my bedroom. I almost have to be made to leave. my relationship with my current partner he sees all of this and its becoming frustrating to the point im not sure how long he will stay. he is being as patient as he can and tries his hardest to help me and my children he knows about the brain injury and the domestic violence. but now he feels that im happy when he is here but when he leaves i have these attitude problems when he is gone. he has no children of his own and has always lived his life around his family. so he will go days at a time and stay with family because that is what his life consisted of before us. he is not a stay at home type man. he is always been kid free and his freedom to do whatever whenever was not questioned. i dont want to change him by requesting he never goes anywhere, i do enjoy time alone as well so it actually works out great. but now that we been together almost 2 years and my heart has really fallen for him.... though he has never lied to me or hurt me in any kind of way....... i feel like the betrayal is soon to come. Now when he leaves for a few days in my mind im thinking he is with another female. he pays all my bills and provides all my and the kids needs. im afraid of him cheating and i have it in my head he will hurt me the same way the abuser did. the abuser did not just physically abuse me he cheated on my with my younger sisters best friend another girl he purposely left pictures for me to see. he even messed around with my youngest sister who is an addict. my younger sister has called cps on me twice ....falsely and charges dropped. i dont want to lose this man that i am with now, but i feel like my mental issues are going to cause me to lose yet another wonderful man at the 2 year mark. 

Quoting Lindalou907:

I'm sorry for your trouble, that's great you are seeing a Psychiatrist who can prescribe, and also stay in counseling to try to learn strategies for coping when you get angry so you don't fly off the handle. The brain injury can cause changes in behavior but you can work hard and get better. As for the headaches, one thing you can try, and the only thing that works for my sister, is staying well hydrated, drink lots of water and juice smoothies, the ones made from veggies.


who-am-I-2014
by Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:52 AM

I am now on effexor xr for anxiety had previously been on prozac and celexa. i tried overdosing on the celexa and that is why i went and registered with a therapist and psych doctor. gonna see a neurologist as well and i truly appreciate you taking the time to read my post.

Quoting othermom:

Look in to counsling and maybe medication for anxiety. That is a lot to over come


othermom
by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:59 AM
1 mom liked this

 

That is good that you are going to a therapist and other doctors to try to get hel. I hiope that things work out for the best for you and your family

Quoting who-am-I-2014:

I am now on effexor xr for anxiety had previously been on prozac and celexa. i tried overdosing on the celexa and that is why i went and registered with a therapist and psych doctor. gonna see a neurologist as well and i truly appreciate you taking the time to read my post.

Quoting othermom:

Look in to counsling and maybe medication for anxiety. That is a lot to over come

 

 

CaptNumo9
by on Mar. 10, 2014 at 3:08 PM
2 moms liked this

I am so sorry you are struggling. It takes time, and often counseling to get through these kind of crisis. Here is a good article that might give you some steps to take. http://bit.ly/1glnqVI. If you would like to speak with a licensed counselor for free, please call 1-800-A-Family. You mention that you are "just getting this out there" - that is a really good first step. It is hard to overcome these things alone, you need a community of wise people who can help you navigate these tough circumstances. Someone who will listen, understand, not pass judgment, but help you find out why you are under stress. Hugs to you friend, please call someone.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 7:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you for telling us more. This may sound very simplistic, but you need to get out and WALK, walk as fast as you can, drink water. Even if it's only around the block, take the kids and GO. The next day, walk a little farther. It really helps to release endorphins in your brain to make you feel better. This man sounds like a gem, but work on yourself and quit stewing about if he's going to bail on you or not, improve yourself for YOU, not him. Be a good example to your children, show them strength. If you can find a group of women that have gone through domestic violence and/or depression that would be very helpful to join a support group. I've heard of "meetup.com" where you can search what you are interested in and find some people to meet with.


Quoting who-am-I-2014:

Thank you very much for your response. I have sleeping problems, i rarely eat, if anything I mainly live off of coffee and pop. I am trying to learn to live a healthier and happier life. I don't like to have my kids see me cry. . During that abusive stage of my life i lost all my friends. I lost my ability to communicate with others. Im so comfortable staying in the house and in my bedroom. I almost have to be made to leave. my relationship with my current partner he sees all of this and its becoming frustrating to the point im not sure how long he will stay. he is being as patient as he can and tries his hardest to help me and my children he knows about the brain injury and the domestic violence. but now he feels that im happy when he is here but when he leaves i have these attitude problems when he is gone. he has no children of his own and has always lived his life around his family. so he will go days at a time and stay with family because that is what his life consisted of before us. he is not a stay at home type man. he is always been kid free and his freedom to do whatever whenever was not questioned. i dont want to change him by requesting he never goes anywhere, i do enjoy time alone as well so it actually works out great. but now that we been together almost 2 years and my heart has really fallen for him.... though he has never lied to me or hurt me in any kind of way....... i feel like the betrayal is soon to come. Now when he leaves for a few days in my mind im thinking he is with another female. he pays all my bills and provides all my and the kids needs. im afraid of him cheating and i have it in my head he will hurt me the same way the abuser did. the abuser did not just physically abuse me he cheated on my with my younger sisters best friend another girl he purposely left pictures for me to see. he even messed around with my youngest sister who is an addict. my younger sister has called cps on me twice ....falsely and charges dropped. i dont want to lose this man that i am with now, but i feel like my mental issues are going to cause me to lose yet another wonderful man at the 2 year mark. 

Quoting Lindalou907:

I'm sorry for your trouble, that's great you are seeing a Psychiatrist who can prescribe, and also stay in counseling to try to learn strategies for coping when you get angry so you don't fly off the handle. The brain injury can cause changes in behavior but you can work hard and get better. As for the headaches, one thing you can try, and the only thing that works for my sister, is staying well hydrated, drink lots of water and juice smoothies, the ones made from veggies.



a_and_j_momma
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2014 at 11:51 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with the others. Force yourself to get out and do something active, see a counselor not just a psychiatrist
Mommy2justone
by Mommy2justtwo on Mar. 11, 2014 at 7:27 PM
2 moms liked this

My mother was married to a man who beat her in front of us. She married him when I was 5 and finally had the strength and support to leave him when I was 12. 
She found a local church group that had support for abused women and they helped her get the paper work and police to kick him out.
I pray you can come back from this horrible set back in your life. 

virginiamama71
by on Mar. 11, 2014 at 7:32 PM
1 mom liked this

 please try therapy.

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