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ETA update: I am new & I have a question

Posted by on Mar. 14, 2014 at 5:21 PM
  • 11 Replies

So we have been going to church over the past few weeks & 2 Sundays ago I sent dh outside with my son & asked the preached about marriage counceling & he said he can do that. I went out to the car & he kept asking me what I talked to him about & I didn't tell him. So these last 2 weeks have been really different from what they were. He is doing more & not on the game as much either. So we shall see where God is taking us now!!

Ok I need some advice on how to handle something.

My husband retired about a year ago & I really wish he would go back to work!! I work from home & need to be able to count on him to take care of the kid & the house esp since he is in the house while I am working in my office. Thing is he doesn't do anything!! All day long he plays the ps3 or is playing a game on his computer. He leaves the area around the ps3 dirty & he doesn't tell my son to clean up after himself. My house is a wreck! I can go clean it up & it just goes right back to the way it was before. Unless I am in the house nothing gets done!!

I work in an attached office so I am able to go into the house whenever I want & I think that is why husband doesn't actually see that I work.

I have talk to him about this & he has a different reason for everytime I bring it up to me. I even did it the way he used to tell me to clean which was mean & he was like yeah that is going to get someone to do something! I was like yeah I know it didn't feel good when you did it towards me either.

I used to have a house keeper, but there really isn't a point when it will be a mess right after she leaves!!

When I was the one that took care of the house while he worked I was able to take care of the house & the kids & everything that a woman normally does & I still do most of that I JUST WANT HIM TO KEEP THE HOUSE CLEAN!!

At this point I just want to stay in my office & not leave it!!


50 lbs gone!!! WOOHOO!!

by on Mar. 14, 2014 at 5:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bmat
by Barb on Mar. 14, 2014 at 5:30 PM

Perhaps you can hire the housekeeper again and have her come more often since he doesn't help with the cleaning.  When he sees so much money going to pay for a person to come in and do something he could do, then maybe he'll add one and one and get two. The children... hire a sitter, or put them in preschool or daycare. You have to make the problem his and not yours. Right now it is your problem,  another way of saying it is that you have the monkey on your back, what you need to do is to get the monkey onto his back.

4everMuslim
by on Mar. 14, 2014 at 5:57 PM

I had the similar situation with my ex husband. He kept his body clean and took very good care of himself but as far as the home went he was pig. I never saw his apartment until a few days after we were married and when he opened the door I was appalled.

I am very particular. I believe every thing has it's place and when you are done you put it back in it's place. I can't have dirty dishes in the sink, dried toothpaste in the bathroom sink, the bed not made etc. It's not that hard if you put things away or wash your dish when you are done instead of letting things pile up.

His apartment was beyond piled up. He even had chocolate frosting smeared in a hand print on the wall and some on the ceiling. Please tell me how the hell it is possible to get chocolate frosting on the ceiling.

There were other things about the marriage and about him I couldn't stand. I was very unhappy with him but my biggest problem with him was that he was such a pig and completely comfortable living in his own filth.

Don't take my advise because I left and divorced him over it which I would never advise anyone to end their marriage but that was my soultion and I don't regret it one bit.

skywatcher1973
by Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 8:13 PM

My husband doesn't even take care of himself either sadly.

I only have 1 son at home, he don't need a sitter just someone to tell him to pick up after himself.

If I hired a house keeper he wouldn't mind the money being spent cause I am the one paying it.

There are many things other than this that I could justify a divorce for. I guess I am just trying to make it work. We have been together for 24yrs. He was the one that worked the entire time I took care of the kids & the houe etc, but I started working from home & let him retire & I have been so stressed & upset since. I try to talk to him & he just don't want to listen to me or he thinks I am attacking him or something.

jessica4212011
by Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 8:43 PM

You are not alone honey the same bullshit in my house. If I don't do it, it don't get done. Hire the house keeper at his expense. And don't cave, if he doesn't want to help take care of his home too its his money not yours going toward it. I solved the problem by not doing a damn thing and then when he bitched how awful the house was I told him to do it I was done. I have to do it every once in a while to remind him though. Its funny what I actually told him when we had the first big fight about it I said "I'm not your mother I'm not your whore and I'm not your maid grow the hell up."

jessica4212011
by Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 8:50 PM

Oh ya something else I did too take his cords for the ps3 and tell him he's not getting it back till he can take care of the house. If he wants to act like a child treat him like one. I took the Xbox cords to work with me one time me wasn't happy but when I got home the house was clean vs. the disaster area I would usually come home to. Its very frustrating.

Lindalou907
by Silver Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 10:10 PM

Can you switch places and you work in the house and let him destroy the office? Can you make it seem like his idea? I feel for you mama, my husband works from home, we are separated but living together, but he keeps his mess in his office.

Bmat
by Barb on Mar. 14, 2014 at 10:34 PM

My husband has a lot of stuff, but at least he keeps it in neat piles. I have a lot of stuff that I can't figure out what to do with so it sits around until I decide what to do with it, but I don't pile it up because then I wouldn't see it, so it is scattered around. Luckily we both like clean, just have different ideas about tidy.

a_and_j_momma
by Gold Member on Mar. 14, 2014 at 11:58 PM
How old is your son?

Sounds like you need a chore chart for both lol
skywatcher1973
by Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 3:19 PM
He is 7. He will help me clean up cause I ask him to, but husband doesn't ever ask just gets mad cause a 7 yr doesn't clean up a mess. The kid is just taking after his dad

Quoting a_and_j_momma: How old is your son?

Sounds like you need a chore chart for both lol
skywatcher1973
by Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 3:21 PM
No I can't switch places I have to have a separate place to file it on taxes.

Quoting Lindalou907:

Can you switch places and you work in the house and let him destroy the office? Can you make it seem like his idea? I feel for you mama, my husband works from home, we are separated but living together, but he keeps his mess in his office.

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