How do you deal with "bossy" friends at Kindergarten age?
DD1 has some great friends. One of her very best friends is a REALLY great girl, however she is a real "go-getter" and when they play, she likes to really take control of a situation. I don't want to call it "bossy" because she is very nice about it, but she always places herself in the "most fun" role of whatever they're doing and she sticks my daughter in something she doesn't necessarily want to do. I try to tell them to take turns so everyone gets to do the "cool" thing but she's not always on board for that.
Example 1: we had a girl scout booth at a store. At first they all were having so much fun shouting out at the same time to customers, "Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies!??" But then her friend said "Ok K (my daughter), YOU shout out "Would you like to buy...", I will hand over the cookies, and M (other girl in the troop) will collect the money. My girl is a bit shy. She did not want to be the only one yelling it out. She was having fun doing it with her 2 friends. Her friend would not let it happen any other way. I made them take turns but she wasn't too happy about it.
Example 2: They're on spring break and she came over to play. We went down by the woods and they started collecting some big sticks and making a teepee. :) We have a path in the woods and i was helping find some big sticks and my 3 yr old was also helping. Well she arranged it so she would come and take the BIG sticks from me to put on the teepee, and she wanted my daughter to only take the little twigs my 3 yr old was collecting. That's not fun!! I shut that one down quickly but she pushes pretty hard to keep things her way. Like I said, she does it politely, but she really hogs the spotlight on things. :\
How do I deal with this situation? Her family is a really great family, and they teach their daughter well, but I guess I'm asking more how do I help my daughter stand her ground more? I've always taught her that you let your guest pick what to do at our house, but she ends up being miserable always doing stuff she doesn't want to do at that moment, and then on top of it being pushed to do the least fun part of whatever that activity is. But she kind of lets her friends walk all over her at school, I hear, too. My girl is a very polite, sweet girl, and I have witnessed her try a little to stand her ground, but things never end up in her favor. I'm not sure what to tell her. How do I tell her to get her way sometimes without "undoing" the sweet, polite girl she is? I don't want to raise a "people pleaser" either, but it's hard to find the line.
Follow up 3/22:
First of all THANK YOU to all who replied, some great ideas there. I've been super busy and haven't been able to get back to my post in a while. I have since spoken with my daughter and told her that ..."it IS ok to tell your friend that you don't want to do something they want, and it IS ok to let them know how you feel. They're your FRIENDS. If they don't like it, maybe they're not the greatest friend for you..." and I touched on the teepee situation and said if she wasn't happy with how that went, or ANY situation with a friend, to SPEAK UP and let them know, because a TRUE friend will CARE and try to play fair. This led into a conversation about how to NEVER try to act or do things the way you might think your friend wants you to act, because the only friends you attract that way are the wrong ones. I told her she is beautiful inside and out, and if she just relaxes and is herself, laughs at the things she thinks is funny, cries at the things she thinks is worthy of tears, and sticks up for what she thinks is right, the right friends for her will be attracted to HER. I saw a spark of "I get it" and warm happy fuzzies in her eyes when we had that conversation. I hope to see improvement soon.
I mean she really isn't THAT BAD, but I have seen some situations go south because she's trying to be polite, and I wanted to nip it in the bud before it got worse. I was a VERY VERY shy little girl who was bullied for YEARS. She has more confidence at 5 than I had going into Freshman year of High School. I just have to guide her and like you guys said, "give her the words to empower her". Thank you mamas for the help!