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walls are closing in and no place to go...

I sit here thinking what has my life come as. I have no friends (just people I see at kids school), I've got a husband that seems to not be interested in my needs or feelings any more. It's always what he wants to do he does. Demands me to do things. I do things for him and get no appreciation. He is only home maybe hour before he goes to bed. His attitude has over come his life. Never do I see him smile anymore. I think to myself is this what I want. "NO" However I feel trapped. I have no job or degree. My parents wouldn't welcome me and two kids in their home. My sister has her own problems right now. There is no way I can make it on my own with two kids. However I just feel like packing us up and go on a never ending road trip. They are the only good things going in my life right now.

Then I think quit complaining. I have it made compared to some. I'm a SAHM. Got a nice luxury vehicle to drive. Got a roof over my head. Only thing missing is a loving husband and father. Is this something I can live to deal with? I just don't know right now. I just don't know where my life his headed. I want out but then I don't want to tear my kids lives apart. I don't think I could even bare letting my kids stay over night with their dad only. His attitude scares me to let that happen. Nor would he even have time for them if he doesn't now.

Many have told me to just tell him how i feel. Well I have and it always comes back to my fault because I don't have sex with him. I've got to have those feelings back. I love him I do. But the man I loved no longer exists.
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 3:35 PM
Replies (11-17):
AM-BRAT
by Amber on Mar. 26, 2014 at 4:46 PM
Was it always like this?

It sounds like you feel like you can't do if all. I know the feeling. But you can certainly get more organized. :)

How is your overall communication? Just bad?

Quoting Mommy2Monkeysx2:

 I don't think he is happy at least with me nor our kids.


The only thing I know he likes to do is spend money. :/


He owns his own business and is always working. I think he likes it but not the load that he has put on his self. But he says he did that to keep money coming in. I do payroll, order supplies, make invoices, and all his office work for business. It's a full time job plus being a mom and attempting to get the house clean. 


Quoting AM-BRAT: I had a huge turn around with a very negative husband. But it took both of us trying. If yours is already showing resistance grease the wheels a bit. What does he like to do? Is he happy at work? Would he like better meals, more adventurous sex, a cleaner house, etc? You're a sahm you have the time to be accommodating and communicative. If he still isn't willing by all means move on. It can be done. Gl.

 

Mishy2
by Michelle on Mar. 26, 2014 at 4:51 PM

 Aww I am not sure what to say. If he is not willing to work on the marriage and is not willing to seek a counsellor etc, with you in order to save the mariage, you may be better off to just leave and move on? But I you truly want to make it work I am not sure what to suggest other than have another heart to heart with him and maybe se ehow that goes before making your decision?

Quoting Mommy2Monkeysx2:

 It doesn't make me feel any better that if anything goes wrong at home I have to learn to fix it. Like the washing machine quit the other day. I had to pin point where the problem was and call a repair place to help me with my choices to fix. Needed a new drum and barrings. That would cost $400... When I told DH about it his first thought was to buy a new washer instead of looking for the problem and see if it could be fixed. Last week I told DH that the heat wasn't working properly and for him to go outside and service it (He owns his own heating and air business) His thought, "yeah seems like it isn't heating good but i'm not going to put any more money in that piece of sh**". Well the next morning it wasn't working. He went outside and kicked it and it started working. SMH..... He normally does taxes every year. Well this year is like pulling teeth just to get it done. He fusses and says he could care less if they got filed this year. So here I am so "I" don't get in trouble for not filing I get all numbers and bring them to acct today. New accountant at that and DH told me just last night he was coming with me. Well this morning I didn't see him and text did he change his mind and I got a phone call that he was three hours away and wouldn't be back till Saturday. He is working on a big church putting heating and air units in that is to be done within the next couple of weeks. I hung up on him and just started crying. He didn't even tell me bye this morning. I think it was so he didn't have to worry about seeing that accountant. My back yard is a total disaster. boxes, old broke down units, ducts, scrap metal, and just about any kind of trash you can thing of. It looks awful. I started cleaning last week and sent him pictures of what I did. Well I found some keys that had got missing for one of his jobs. When him and the guys got to the house I told him about the keys. Then one of the guys looked at DH and said he owed me an apologie. So evidently he was talking bad about me. I never got an apologie......  :/

Quoting Mishy2:

Aww I am so sorry you feel this way and are going through this. I am not sure what to say. I was going to suggest talking to him but you said you tried that. Does he not take you seriously when you told him how you felt, or does he not think he needs to make a change? How about marriage counselling? I am sorry! hugs

Quoting Mommy2Monkeysx2: I sit here thinking what has my life come as. I have no friends (just people I see at kids school), I've got a husband that seems to not be interested in my needs or feelings any more. It's always what he wants to do he does. Demands me to do things. I do things for him and get no appreciation. He is only home maybe hour before he goes to bed. His attitude has over come his life. Never do I see him smile anymore. I think to myself is this what I want. "NO" However I feel trapped. I have no job or degree. My parents wouldn't welcome me and two kids in their home. My sister has her own problems right now. There is no way I can make it on my own with two kids. However I just feel like packing us up and go on a never ending road trip. They are the only good things going in my life right now. Then I think quit complaining. I have it made compared to some. I'm a SAHM. Got a nice luxury vehicle to drive. Got a roof over my head. Only thing missing is a loving husband and father. Is this something I can live to deal with? I just don't know right now. I just don't know where my life his headed. I want out but then I don't want to tear my kids lives apart. I don't think I could even bare letting my kids stay over night with their dad only. His attitude scares me to let that happen. Nor would he even have time for them if he doesn't now. Many have told me to just tell him how i feel. Well I have and it always comes back to my fault because I don't have sex with him. I've got to have those feelings back. I love him I do. But the man I loved no longer exists.

 

 

 

Mommy2Monkeysx2
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 4:58 PM

 What communication? He is only home for maybe a hour our of every day but Sundays. When I do talk to him if it's not something he wants to do or related to work he ignores me like he doesn't hear me. I needed his advice of health insurance and he just flat out told me he was tired of hearing about insurance and started playing on his phone. He is on FB all the time. Not sure what he is doing on it. When he falls asleep I have looked at his messages and it's empty. He could be deleting them but I don't know that. I use to have his password until he said someone told him he needed to change it because of some scam. It's been 9months and I have asked him about it a couple times so I can fix these game notifications he keeps getting but he doesn't say anything just changes the topic or quits talking. I'm the one who made his FB and managed it for seven years. But anyway......  No he use to not be like this. I fell in love with a very sweet and loving man and father. I took in his son as my own and he doesn't even act like a parent to him any more nor to ours. I think he could care less if his son was with us. Use to not be like that. I don't know what happen to him. He says work has changed him because he has to be an a** to get his point across to some Inspectors and employees.

Quoting AM-BRAT: Was it always like this? It sounds like you feel like you can't do if all. I know the feeling. But you can certainly get more organized. :) How is your overall communication? Just bad?
Quoting Mommy2Monkeysx2:

 I don't think he is happy at least with me nor our kids.

The only thing I know he likes to do is spend money. :/

He owns his own business and is always working. I think he likes it but not the load that he has put on his self. But he says he did that to keep money coming in. I do payroll, order supplies, make invoices, and all his office work for business. It's a full time job plus being a mom and attempting to get the house clean. 

Quoting AM-BRAT: I had a huge turn around with a very negative husband. But it took both of us trying. If yours is already showing resistance grease the wheels a bit. What does he like to do? Is he happy at work? Would he like better meals, more adventurous sex, a cleaner house, etc? You're a sahm you have the time to be accommodating and communicative. If he still isn't willing by all means move on. It can be done. Gl.

 

 

momof2.5girls
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 7:00 PM
There are a TON TON TON of different lubes you can try, even ones for sensitive people, spit also works! Also if he doesnt smile anymore, maybe do a few little extra things ti make him smile, buy him his favorite candy bar or sweet treat, send him a racy text letting him know u are thinking about him, just something to show him that you are still interested in him and that you are trying, Maybe take him to an adult shop and pick out some different lubes together, they have trial sizes

Quoting Mommy2Monkeysx2:

 See that was a thought of mine but TMI I get dry to quick or if I'm not enjoying it. With him I only last maybe 10-15mins even if I haven't had an orgasm and get dry. He constantly wants to move around and some of his positions I just don't like and dry up. I have talked to my GYN about it and she says it's normal just to get lubricant. Well we tried that and his skin is sensitive to it.


Quoting momof2.5girls: i have definatley been in your place. unfortunately the way we women feel with out heart and mind is how men feel with sex. that is how they feel and express love. if you are not giving him sex then you are telling him that you dont love him. even if you just have to lay there while he has sex with you or close your eyes and think of someone/ something else i say give it to him. maybe even two days in a row and dont say anything about your feelings or your needs. pour your love all over him in every way. this should soften him up and then maybe he will be more receptive to your needs. we have been married 12 years and we have a no divorce pact but every 9 months or so i feel like you. good luck and keep me posted. i am 10 years younger than dh

 

Mommy2Monkeysx2
by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 8:28 PM
I've tried doing things for him. Over the weekend I started cleaning around the garage for him. I've sent him nice texts but he just ignores them. Bought him Reeses his favorite candy. But he doesn't say thank you or anything.
Quoting momof2.5girls: There are a TON TON TON of different lubes you can try, even ones for sensitive people, spit also works! Also if he doesnt smile anymore, maybe do a few little extra things ti make him smile, buy him his favorite candy bar or sweet treat, send him a racy text letting him know u are thinking about him, just something to show him that you are still interested in him and that you are trying, Maybe take him to an adult shop and pick out some different lubes together, they have trial sizes

Quoting Mommy2Monkeysx2:

 See that was a thought of mine but TMI I get dry to quick or if I'm not enjoying it. With him I only last maybe 10-15mins even if I haven't had an orgasm and get dry. He constantly wants to move around and some of his positions I just don't like and dry up. I have talked to my GYN about it and she says it's normal just to get lubricant. Well we tried that and his skin is sensitive to it.


Quoting momof2.5girls: i have definatley been in your place. unfortunately the way we women feel with out heart and mind is how men feel with sex. that is how they feel and express love. if you are not giving him sex then you are telling him that you dont love him. even if you just have to lay there while he has sex with you or close your eyes and think of someone/ something else i say give it to him. maybe even two days in a row and dont say anything about your feelings or your needs. pour your love all over him in every way. this should soften him up and then maybe he will be more receptive to your needs. we have been married 12 years and we have a no divorce pact but every 9 months or so i feel like you. good luck and keep me posted. i am 10 years younger than dh

 

momof2.5girls
by on Mar. 27, 2014 at 11:17 AM
have you ever thought about him seeing a dr and maybe getting on some depression or anxiety meds to help him deal with his stress. my dh used to come home and take all his stress out on me and the girls til i firmly suggested that he see a dr. things are much better now. have you ever come straight out and asked him if there was another woman? i feel so bad for anyone having to go through this. sorry no caps im mobile and this is my 4th time typing this! i keep getting knocked off
rstuart66
by Bronze Member on Mar. 27, 2014 at 11:43 AM

You can't change him but you can improve your self esteem.  Have you considered getting a degree either online or at a local college?  It sounds like you lost yourself and what makes you feel good.  

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