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Typical behavior or cause for concern?

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 3:05 AM
  • 2 Replies

Ok, youngest ds turned 4 last month and his behavior has me a bit perplexed. We do share 50/50 custody with his Dad, this has been the situation since he was a year old and we moved it up from weekend visitation. 

The thing is, I'm not sure if his behavior is typical of a four year old, or if I should be cracking down on him more. He's bright enough, no problem with learning things. But socially/emotionally he seems to me to be behind. I'll be bringing it up at his well child but I wanted to ask some other Moms their opinion. 

He's the youngest of five and based on the experience with the older four, I'd honestly put him emotionally closer to just turned three.

A few of the issues:

Frequent tantrums over absolutely anything. Seriously, like a fly flew too close to him. 

Can't even play Candyland with him. Not just a little bit of, he didn't like that card so he gets upset. No, screaming and refusing to follow the rules at ALL.

No concept of others feelings, at all. I'm not expecting a lot either, just some inkling that he's hurt someone. 

Honestly, he's acting a spoiled brat it seems to me. 

And the thing is, I'm not sure how much is typical. At four the other kids were not like this. They had chores (small ones to fit their small stature), followed simple rules, shared somewhat. They were all socially ready to interact with other children, and this is saying quite a bit as one of them is on the spectrum. 

I can't do anything about what happens at Dad's, he's not in danger and he's not a bad Dad. He's just the kind of Dad who thinks it's easier to fill a cupboard with chocolate cereal, boxed macaroni, and peanut butter because that's all the 4 year old wants to eat and why fight him. 

Our house, that doesn't fly. There are five kids, and while they all get attention and love. They don't get their way every time they want it. When it comes to dinner, unless it is something you can't have, you get what you get. I'm not a total hardass, one kiddo cannot stand sausage, hates it with a passion so if it's on the menu I'll give them bacon instead. Or some other substitute. But they have to try it again occasionally. If you try it and don't like it, no problem. But you have to try.

He gets plenty of one on one time. We both work from home. No one in this house gives in to his behavior. 

How much should I be expecting from him? If he's told to do something, say, we're doing school and I give him the Ipad and tell him to play this game but nothing else. I turn my back and he's immediately on another app. Not on accident, but because he wanted to. 

I expect testing, I expect some butting of heads. But with everything? No matter how consistant the result is?

I even expect stubborn, hell he got it honest. 

Any suggestions on how to get this kiddo out of the "I don't want him at my birthday party." behavior?

by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 3:05 AM
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by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 4:33 AM

Alot of it does sound like typical 4 yr old behavior and of course he could have "baby of family"syndrome. Does he go to a preschool at a brick and mortar building?  He needs consistent rules at both households so that could be causing alot of the chaos for him.  4 yr olds as you know thrive on routine and consistency.

by Ruby Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 8:23 AM

Some kids have different personalities but does he have consistant discipline for his outburst or does he get away with the behavior.  Kids who test boundries more need strict consistant discipline. 

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