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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Help! He's manipulating me already!

Posted by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:04 PM
  • 36 Replies
My son is not even 6 months old yet and already knows exactly how to get what he wants!
Il put him down in his excer-saucer or on his playmat and for a few minutes he will be ok but as soon as he's even slightly bored he will start screaming until I pick him up.
he needs to learn hes not gonna get picked up every time he cries but when nothing else is working I don't know what to do!
Any advice????
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
shakesrear
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:13 PM
7 moms liked this

No, your son is not manipulating you. Pick him up. He's tiny and you're all he's got. He cries because he needs something, and your best action is to respond as promptly as you can. The sooner you respond, the less overall time he will spend crying. After you've try everything to calm him, he might just need to release his daily frustration and stress, so just let him cry on your shoulder.

Lovelymommymel
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:18 PM
I'm afraid I might be over coddling him though.i mean its so often.
BNY
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:22 PM

He needs to learn to self sooth. I believe this is important for all children.

frndlyfn
by Platinum Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:23 PM
2 moms liked this

No such thing as spoiling or over coddling an infant.  If you do not want to pick him up,  you lay down on his level and engage him with the toys he has.   Crying is their only way of communication.

shakesrear
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:23 PM
1 mom liked this

you cannot over-coddle your baby. This is the time to fill his cup with love and attention - he will need it later in life. If you don't fill it up, he will spend the rest of his life looking for ways (usually bad) to fill it.

Babies need almost constant attention. I wore mine non-stop for the first few years. You know what, they are fiercely indepedent and confident and kind. It's very demanding, yes, but it's so worth it to have happy, well-adjusted children and eventually grown-ups.

You should read The Aware Baby from Aletha Soltzer and Playful Parenting from Lawrence Cohen. These are very good parenting books.

Lovelymommymel
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:31 PM
That's what my mom keeps telling me

Quoting BNY:

He needs to learn to self sooth. I believe this is important for all children.

Lovelymommymel
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:31 PM
Il look into those books

Quoting shakesrear:

you cannot over-coddle your baby. This is the time to fill his cup with love and attention - he will need it later in life. If you don't fill it up, he will spend the rest of his life looking for ways (usually bad) to fill it.

Babies need almost constant attention. I wore mine non-stop for the first few years. You know what, they are fiercely indepedent and confident and kind. It's very demanding, yes, but it's so worth it to have happy, well-adjusted children and eventually grown-ups.

You should read The Aware Baby from Aletha Soltzer and Playful Parenting from Lawrence Cohen. These are very good parenting books.

BNY
by on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:38 PM

I agree with the other ladies in that your baby does need you, but I also find it extremely important for them to be able to sooth themselves. Show him his toys, talk to him, you can do other things aside from picking him up everytime he cries. Mine would usually only cry a very few minutes and then descover a new way to play with a toy or something. It teaches independence as well as strengthens their mind.

Quoting Lovelymommymel: That's what my mom keeps telling me
Quoting BNY:

He needs to learn to self sooth. I believe this is important for all children.


emmy526
by Silver Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:41 PM

You need to get down on the floor and start playing with him, not just leaving him there...after he's gotten used to you being there playing with him, leave him for a minute, and go back and play...leave him again for two minutes, and go back and play...your'e teaching him that you will return, and in the meantime, he has things he can play with and keep himself occupied.  Also, i would not expect you can leave him playing alone for more than a few minutes anyways, without needing attention or cuddling - that's how babies are. 

shakesrear
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 5:44 PM

I'm sure you have a lot of respect for your mother and you don't want to disappoint, but it also sounds like you might be struggling with your own mothering instincts that tell you to simply pick your son up and soothe him. Please, follow your instincts - they are there for a reason. Reading some books (from actual psychologists) will help you crystalize your position on things and give you some reinforcement against all of the conventional wisdom. 

The Aware Baby will be the most helpful at this stage of motherhood. It talks about why babies cry and what you can do about it.

Quoting Lovelymommymel: That's what my mom keeps telling me
Quoting BNY:

He needs to learn to self sooth. I believe this is important for all children.



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