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6 Classic Mistakes Women Make With Men

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:28 AM
  • 9 Replies
2 moms liked this

6 Classic Mistakes Women Make With Men

by Kiri Blakeley

There are some classic mistakes that women make with men. So classic that I honestly wish a book was made of them -- a rule book -- and women had to read it in high school. And then take a test on it. Like 50 tests. And they had to memorize every single word.

But there is no Relationship 101 unless you count the ones in the School of Hard Knocks. You have to live it or have your friends live it -- sometimes multiple times -- for the lessons to kick in. And sometimes then they don't even stick. But, boy, if every woman knew these classic mistakes, and to avoid them, before plunging into the dating world in their early 20s, what a different experience love could be for those ladies. Here are 6 classic mistakes women make with men.

Classic Mistake #1: I can change him.

Although people do hear that old adage, "People don't change," no one really takes it seriously until he or she is faced with a person who needs to change. It's at that point you go into denial. "Oh, he just needs someone who understands him," "If I do everything for him, he'll feel like he wants to reciprocate," etc. Chances are, that is never, ever going to happen. Not that people don't change -- they do. But YOU can't make them. A good rule of thumb is this: If you knew that this man would be EXACTLY the same for the next 50 years, would you still want to marry/date him? If the answer is "hell no," then abort mission if you aren't married yet. And if you are already married, carefully consider what your next step is and whether it should be divorce.

Classic Mistake #2: I'm the exception.

I've seen far too many intelligent women get involved with a guy with a horrible romantic history who then goes on to cement the pattern with them. Why? Because they thought they would be the "exception." I've heard: "We were such good friends, I thought he'd never pull that on me." I've heard: "He cheated on his wife, but that was 10 years ago." I've heard: "He broke off two engagements, but this time he says he's really ready and has met the right person." Not that you're definitely NOT the exception -- hey, maybe you are -- but chances are, you're not. And why would you want to risk it anyway?

Classic Mistake #3: Not listening.

I've come to believe a man tells you pretty much everything you need to know about him in the first few months, if not the first few dates. If he says, "I'd really love to get married, but I've found it so hard to find someone I'm compatible with," women hear: I'd really love to get married. They don't hear, "I find most women are incompatible with me, and I'm not even considering that this might be my fault." I had one friend whose new man told her right off the bat that he gets tired of women after two months. However, when she confronted him on this, he backtracked and said he was just joking around. Guess what happened after two months? Listen. And take heed.

Classic Mistake #4: Giving points for being "honest."

If a man is telling you all about his troubles, his rocky romantic history, his financial problems, or his drug addictions, women tend to think: "Oh, he's being so honest with me, that must mean he doesn't plan on doing any of this stuff with me." Women find it impossible to believe a man would advertise his future bad behavior. But men often give you a warning for a good reason -- they are testing you to see if you will stick around after hearing about their chronic unemployment, cheating history, or addictions. If you do, then they consider that you've had fair warning.

Classic Mistake #5: He will leave his wife for me.

This is such an old-timey classic mistake that it's crazy to think there are women who still fall for it, but they do. As high as the divorce rate is, chances are a guy who gets involved with you while he's with his wife is doing it because he wants two women -- not one. If he dumps his wife, that would mean he's only got one woman. You. Which is not what he wants. If he swears he's leaving his wife soon, what harm can it do to walk away and tell him to call you once the divorce is final? If he likes you that much, it should only speed up the process, right?

Classic Mistake #6: Marriage and/or children will change him/settle him down.

This does happen with some guys, but it's a huge mistake to assume it's going to happen. In fact, women who are with abusers are never more at risk of being killed than when they get pregnant. And guys with a history of cheating are likely to do it even more once they get married. Guys who cheat are usually commitmentphobes who use other women to keep distance from you. So getting married will only intensify those commitmentphobic feelings and increase the desire to cheat.

Have you ever made any of these classic mistakes? Would you tell your daughters about them?

by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:28 AM
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Replies (1-9):
thanush
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:37 AM
1 mom liked this

I have done mistakes #1, #2, #3, #4 (It was the same guy). He told me he had 3 girlfriends and they broke up because they wanted to get married and he was not ready. He was just 25, so I thought that was OK since I was just 21 and haven't even thought about marriage yet. I didn't read in to his commitment issues as I should have.

On our 2nd date he said he use to go clubbing and spend all his paycheck drinking and gambling. I thought he was being honest and ASSUMED he has learned from his mistakes, which is why he is confessing all of that. Apparently NOT. I was NOT LISTENING to what he was really saying. ha ha

I took me several MONTHS to realize I cannot change him and he is a douche bag and always will be, so we broke up. He tried to re connect several times but I didn't want to do the same mistake twice.

Growing up, I was always surrounded by guys (my DAD, cousins, friends) who are honest so this experience was like a breath of stinky air LOL. But I guess it made me realize and cherish the value of honesty and good character when I see it. Before all that I sort of took it for granted.

ceciliam
by Cecilia on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:21 AM

I agree with all of them with the exception of #3.

Cutenessmom
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 12:30 PM

LOL Oh my gosh I learend from other's mistakes and my mothers who was classiic for this. my male friend taught me the ruleso f the game!  I had one gyu try to pull some of these games on me I walked off and siad thieri s planety of fish in the sea I do not need you he was pissed lol!

I laugh atthe dumb women who think they are the exception tothe rule lol!

Cutenessmom
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 12:31 PM

I like ot say a  shout out to my mother RRIP she taught me valuable lessons  about, men ina dark way by observing her   mistakes  the last one I learned to never bleeive a cheating man!

KREX0914
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 1:31 PM

Yup. I've gone through all of these except for #5. But, honestly, if you had told me this when I met him, I still wouldn't have believed you. I still would've thought that I was then the exception to this article. We are crazy for thinking this way, but it is true.

"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason that women are crazy is that men are stupid." - George Carlin

theresaphilly
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 2:10 PM

I never tried changing a man, but I was that dumb chick who though I was the exception. He cheated on all these women and I thought he would not cheat on me because our relationship was different. Boy was I stuck on stupid. I have a friend who got the other man and it always seemed weird to me that his wife never cared. They got married, he beat the shit out of her, got her sister preggers and now lives with her cousin. The wife was happy my friend came along

DisabledVet
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 5:27 PM

Here's one my Dad told me when I started dating: A stiff penis has no conscience. In other words a man will do what ever he needs to to have sex with you. Don't jump into bed until you're ready. Men do not die of blue balls or other things. If he's that frustrated then he's not the man for you.

Never value a man more then you do yourself. Better to be alone and happy then have a man who isn't right for you.

Some gave all and all gave some. Remember your rights as an American were earned with the blood of others. Don't waste them and please do your duty as a citizen and vote intelligently in every election.


SlightlyPerfect
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:32 PM
I've never committed any. Wouldn't waste my time.
AM-BRAT
by Amber on Apr. 4, 2014 at 12:05 AM
Idk, dh and I both have changed- for the sake of building this family.

I think there are no hard and fast rules, and this list is just chatter inducing- nothing more.
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