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My daughter is being bullied by my friends kids HELP!

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:52 PM
  • 59 Replies

 I am a first time mom with a darling happy go lucky insanely sweet and sensitive 15 month old daughter. Here's my problem ladies and I was hoping I could get some good advice on how to handle the situation. I have two friends that are also first time moms, and one that has two children. One has a 19 month old son, one has a little girl that just turned 2 and the other has a daughter (the youngest) that is almost 2 yrs old. Currently these are the only children my daughter knows and sees on a pretty regular basis, since 2 of them are also my neighbors. The problem is that my daughter is being bullied. I completely understand that they are young children and don't understand their actions, but they can be brutal. The little boy has hit (both with hands and other objects), kicked and pushed my daughter as well as forcefully taken toys from her. The 2 year old girl has pushed her, thrown water on her and takes toys from her while yelling "No no no!" at her. And last but not least the little girl that is almost 2 has pushed her off a playschool yard set slide because she didn't want her playing with it. When their moms see the behavior they get on to their kids, but I can't help but feel that it.....um what's the word....let's say that the punishment doesn't fit the crime?? I am not saying that they spank the kids (although I will admit that I'd like to spat them on the hiney for it sometimes) but the discipline  doesn't seem to get through since they continue to act this way. Something else I was wondering. What should I do when my child is being bullied? I mean DUH get her away from harm but if the mom doesn't see it should I tell the child their actions are wrong and hurtful or just tell their mom what they did? I'm gonna go crazy over this. It breaks my heart everytime to think she's being bullied already at 15 months.

by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
-PB
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:59 PM

 I would not do play dates with them.  The kids are little so they probably don't fully understand but also it sounds like the other moms are not addressing the issue adequately.

terpmama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:02 PM
6 moms liked this
Kids that young don't "bully"... She's not being targeted... They don't have the skill or empathy to stop. They are developmentally normal. The best way of teaching is to separate them and remind "we don't hit", "that's not nice"... Spanking is waaaay overboard.
thelittlewife08
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:03 PM

A difficult aspect of this situation is that I am close friends with 2 of the mothers and I was just getting to know 1 of them. The mother with with little boy is my best friend. I want to protect my child as well as maintain a friendship. It's a heck of a situation to be in

simple frown

terpmama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:04 PM
She said the other moms get on the kids (sounds like time out or at least verbal reminders/teaching)... But that she didn't feel it was enough punishment...

Quoting -PB:

 I would not do play dates with them.  The kids are little so they probably don't fully understand but also it sounds like the other moms are not addressing the issue adequately.

-PB
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:05 PM

 yes and the behavior is not changing so the punishment is inadequate.

Quoting terpmama: She said the other moms get on the kids (sounds like time out or at least verbal reminders/teaching)... But that she didn't feel it was enough punishment...
Quoting -PB:

 I would not do play dates with them.  The kids are little so they probably don't fully understand but also it sounds like the other moms are not addressing the issue adequately.

 

terpmama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:08 PM
I think part of the "problem" is first time mom type stuff... I have three boys, who love each other.

Sounds like typical toddler/2 year old stuff... They are still learning how to interact and can't be empathetic yet (development isn't there).

You have a really laid back kid (my oldest is too) so it seems out of the norm for you. As long as parents are redirecting and teaching rules (sharing, don't hit ...) I'd keep the play dates and I'd start teaching your kid to stand up for herself.

Quoting thelittlewife08:

A difficult aspect of this situation is that I am close friends with 2 of the mothers and I was just getting to know 1 of them. The mother with with little boy is my best friend. I want to protect my child as well as maintain a friendship. It's a heck of a situation to be in

simple frown

terpmama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:12 PM
It takes a while and most 3-4 year olds have the occasional issue with pushing and sharing still. It's not gonna change overnight.

Quoting -PB:

 yes and the behavior is not changing so the punishment is inadequate.


Quoting terpmama: She said the other moms get on the kids (sounds like time out or at least verbal reminders/teaching)... But that she didn't feel it was enough punishment...
Quoting -PB:

 I would not do play dates with them.  The kids are little so they probably don't fully understand but also it sounds like the other moms are not addressing the issue adequately.


 

terpmama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:12 PM
8 moms liked this
Toddler rules of ownership...

Most of you have probably seen these, but I always thought they were hilarious. So, here they are again:

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it is mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
11. If it's broken, but you are having fun playing with the pieces, it's mine again.
12. If there is ANY doubt, it's mine.

Kevin McHugh
thelittlewife08
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:13 PM

I realize now that bullied maybe isn't the correct term but it seems that everytime they get together she gets hit, kicked, pushed or treated unkindly in some way. No I don't think the kids really should be spanked (I would never hit a child) and I don't expect them to. What I'm trying to say is that I just can't think of a way to keep my daughter from being the target of another kids normal temper tanturm when they aren't getting their way. I understand lashing out at their ages is the only way they know how to communicate their feelings but I feel in a way that what is being done isn't working.And I was just looking for advice on what I could do to help resolve the situation to where everyone is happy and friendships can be maintained.

-PB
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:14 PM

 Yep, you're right.  If it were me I would not wait around for their kids to learn how to be nice while my kid was getting beat up.  jmo

Quoting terpmama: It takes a while and most 3-4 year olds have the occasional issue with pushing and sharing still. It's not gonna change overnight.
Quoting -PB:

 yes and the behavior is not changing so the punishment is inadequate.

Quoting terpmama: She said the other moms get on the kids (sounds like time out or at least verbal reminders/teaching)... But that she didn't feel it was enough punishment...
Quoting -PB:

 I would not do play dates with them.  The kids are little so they probably don't fully understand but also it sounds like the other moms are not addressing the issue adequately.

 

 

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