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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Did you ever have a hard time loving your step children?

Posted by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 4:41 PM
  • 29 Replies
I'm having a hard time. I've been with my DF for 6 years. He has 3 boys. I've only seen them twice for a month during last summer and the summer before that. Their mom told me they tell her that I don't treat them well and they feel uncomfortable around me. I'm not sure if she was just trying to cause trouble or what because I treat them as well as I possibly can. I'd never treat kids badly.

It's like no matter what I do, I can't win. I also feel awkward when they visit because their mom has said in front of them that I'm a "hoe" or a "white bitch." So I feel like that's what they'll think of me.

She's also said to them that my girls aren't their sisters and the youngest boy said he doesn't care about my daughter.

I'm having such a hard time bonding with them. I don't know why they don't like me or what else I can do.

Any advice?
by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 4:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
waytomanykids10
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 4:45 PM
No, I have lovrd them since the first time I met them. They were 14 and 15. Now they are 24 and 26. It help though that their mother treated me with respect and made her children treat me the same way. When she passed away a few years ago I lost a good friend.
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Bella-Kiwi
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 4:49 PM
I really wish I could have a relationship like that with their mother. I think that's what makes everything so difficult for me :(

Quoting waytomanykids10: No, I have lovrd them since the first time I met them. They were 14 and 15. Now they are 24 and 26. It help though that their mother treated me with respect and made her children treat me the same way. When she passed away a few years ago I lost a good friend.
waytomanykids10
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 4:52 PM
It helps too that they had been divorced 12 years before I married him..
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JC2223
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 4:52 PM
2 moms liked this

They are never going to like you or feel comfortable with you if their mother is sabotaging any relationship they may be able to make with you. She is creating a hostile environment in your home by filling their heads with negative opinions of you. Their father should be stepping in to get that under control!

Bella-Kiwi
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 4:56 PM
I completely agree with you. It's so unfair. He's definitely tried to talk to her but she treats him just as poorly, so he can't even get through to her.

Quoting JC2223:

They are never going to like you or feel comfortable with you if their mother is sabotaging any relationship they may be able to make with you. She is creating a hostile environment in your home by filling their heads with negative opinions of you. Their father should be stepping in to get that under control!

100problems-1
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 4:56 PM
I agree. Dad should be handling this. He needs to facilitate a relationship. And fuck BM for her nasty comments.

Quoting JC2223:

They are never going to like you or feel comfortable with you if their mother is sabotaging any relationship they may be able to make with you. She is creating a hostile environment in your home by filling their heads with negative opinions of you. Their father should be stepping in to get that under control!

Bella-Kiwi
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 4:57 PM
They weren't ever married and weren't together when I met him. She does claim he would drop me in a second if she wanted him back though..

Quoting waytomanykids10: It helps too that they had been divorced 12 years before I married him..
mamafor65roses
by on Apr. 6, 2014 at 4:58 PM

That is really hard to deal with! :( No, I've never dealt with that, but the thing is... I was the one "mothering" my step kids. That said, my ex.. (The one that I married and raised two of his kids). He had a step daughter of his ex. She was allowed to come visit, and while I accepted her.. It was not "love" and I was friendly, she admired me.. But it wasn't the same as with her brothers. Maybe, because I didn't see her regularly and we didn't have that physical connection. It must be very difficult, maybe with time and bonding it will get easier!

Just treat them good, and give it time.. Maybe it will all get easier. Mom shouldn't do that, it's unhealthy for the kids to hear. Dad should confront her about it.. I must say, that is a beautiful picture of you and your daughter. 

Bella-Kiwi
by Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 5:03 PM
Great advice! Thank you :)

I hope it does get easier.



Quoting mamafor65roses:

That is really hard to deal with! :( No, I've never dealt with that, but the thing is... I was the one "mothering" my step kids. That said, my ex.. (The one that I married and raised two of his kids). He had a step daughter of his ex. She was allowed to come visit, and while I accepted her.. It was not "love" and I was friendly, she admired me.. But it wasn't the same as with her brothers. Maybe, because I didn't see her regularly and we didn't have that physical connection. It must be very difficult, maybe with time and bonding it will get easier!

Just treat them good, and give it time.. Maybe it will all get easier. Mom shouldn't do that, it's unhealthy for the kids to hear. Dad should confront her about it.. I must say, that is a beautiful picture of you and your daughter. 

JC2223
by Bronze Member on Apr. 6, 2014 at 8:07 PM

I understand how frustrating it can be, I've been a SM for 17 years. If she is bad-mouthing him and you to the children and it is causing problems in your home, she needs to be aware that her behavior could be used against her in court. It's called parental alienation, when one parent interferes with the quality of the other parents relationship with the children. There are other behaviors mixed in with it too, but bad mouthing, lying, pegging the children against the other parent or household is part of it. Their father should also step in and make sure they are never disrespectful to you or your home.

You all don't have to love each other, but mutual respect and consideration is a must. Talk to them, praise them when they deserve it, spend quality time with them playing games. Show them you're not the bad person their mother is making you out to be. You can't combat the things she says, but your actions can prove her wrong.

Quoting Bella-Kiwi: I completely agree with you. It's so unfair. He's definitely tried to talk to her but she treats him just as poorly, so he can't even get through to her.
Quoting JC2223:

They are never going to like you or feel comfortable with you if their mother is sabotaging any relationship they may be able to make with you. She is creating a hostile environment in your home by filling their heads with negative opinions of you. Their father should be stepping in to get that under control!


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