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What to do about hearing ds's classmate say a racist word?

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2014 at 11:56 AM
  • 6 Replies
A couple of weeks ago, there was a small carnival in town. I took ds (3rd grader) and dd (k) to it one night. One of ds classmates were there. Since it was a very small carnival and small crowd, he rode several rides with us. He's an only child to a divorced couple. This child is in constant trouble for acting out, lying, saying inappropriate things, etc. I feel sorry for him because I feel like he's just trying to get attention. With that said, while we were on a ride, I heard him call a couple of black girls the n-word. I'm not even sure if he knew how wrong this was, just because the way he was acting when he said t. But I still find this very offensive and very wrong. I pulled him aside and told him never to use that word because he could get in serious trouble. (I wasn't ugly at all and didn't 'lecture') I'm now wondering if I should have mentioned something to his parent about it? Would you want to know if your child used that word?

BTW: My husband and I are white and both our kids are adopted. Ds is black, dd is white.
by on Apr. 9, 2014 at 11:56 AM
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Replies (1-6):
ceciliam
by Cecilia on Apr. 9, 2014 at 12:11 PM

Since you spoke to him about it, I would let it go but if it happened again then maybe you should talk with the parents. Unfortunately, it's a good possibility that he picked up this language from his parents.

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2014 at 2:03 PM

If it is my kid I would address it.  Others, I would ignore it and allow parents discuss it.  I bet he learned it from his parents though.  Most kids that age do. 

nana776
by Member on Apr. 9, 2014 at 2:18 PM

I look at it this way, I can run around trying to fix all the wrongs my kids are exposed to, or I can use those wrongs as a teaching tool. I would have talked to my kids about the kid's behavior and asked them questions about how that would make them feel and how they think they should deal with it, if it happens to them. Just my opinion.

I'm not sure if I would have dealt with the kid, by saying something, you gave him the reward (the attention) he was seeking, therefore reinforcing the behavior. If I said anything to the kid, I would have ignored the negative behavior and praised a good behavior. I rarely discipline other people's kids unless they are doing something really dangerous or it directly effects me or my family. (That's just me) I would have said something to the parents though. 

strictmomhere
by Platinum Member on Apr. 9, 2014 at 2:31 PM
I would of told him the same and told his parent!!
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Joelskatysmom
by Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 9:42 AM
The next question is: would you want to know if your child said that word? I know that I would! This isn't a word my child would have learned from home. I would be livid if I knew he was using it!
chaotic.mind
by Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 12:24 PM

I would have let the parents know as well. I would want to know if my child was speaking like that. I know some would probably not bother to speak with the parents because they think that's probably where he heard it from but I don't think that's always the case. 

Some kids pick stuff up from friends so just because he spoke that way, doesn't mean his parents do as well. 

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