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How to deal with a flaky "friend"?

Posted by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:11 PM
  • 62 Replies

So here's the situation:

I reconnected recently with a semi-friend/acquaintance from high school because her kid and mine are the same age, and go to the same school. So we would talk on facebook a lot and have play dates with the kids and such.

Her kid's birthday came around and she invited us.

My kiddo was so excited, because she loves kids and is super friedly, so we bought the birthday kid a gift and attended the party. It was at a play-place, and the hostess( "friend") was SO cheap she ordered one pizza for the whole party. We ended blowing $20 on our own kid because she only supplied each kid with like 10 tokens. 

Why would you invite us if you're not going to feed us or take care of us in anyway?

I don't know, she is white, and I know it is a bit commonplace for white people to host "cake parties" where they only have cake and no food. Which is fine if you let your guests know ahead of time, like: "We will be having a cake party around 3'o'clock or so (after lunch) so come and celebrate with us or whatever.."

I'm latina and it's seen as rude to host a cake party and not feed your guests. We are generally expected to feed our guests until their pant buttons are popping and then there are still leftovers. We usually do the lunch, snacks, cake, dessert, everything.

I don't know if it is a cultural difference between us I need to understand, or if she was just rude for not warning us to eat before because she was buying limited food...idk.


So  it's awkward as hell because I don't know her other guests, but I go for the sake of my daughter getting to play with her little friend, we took a gift/ balloons..the whole schpeel you know? We went because my kid's birthday party was coming and I wanted her to bring her kid.


Fast forward to a week before my kid's birthday party, I inite the mom and her kid. She tells me ot to mail her an invitation, just to send her the info. So I do.


My kid's party rolls around and guess who doesn't show up.

Yes, I am offended but not too surprised.

She never EVER apologizes or acknowledges my kid's party...then ike 3 weeks later messages me on facebook to set up a playdate?

Um...no. Why should I accomodate her after she stiffed me and my kid and didn't even have common courtesy to apologize, let alone make up some phony excuse?

That left a bad taste in my mouth. A really bad, inconsiderate taste.


Now I genuinely really want nothing to do with her, I don't hate her, I just don't really care about my quasi-friendship with her. I don't want to waste my time with a rude and flaky person.


I don't care to hash things out or repair anything because well, I just don't really care since there wasn't a solid friendship between us anyway. 

I'm just worried that if I just up and delete her from FB that it will be SUPER awkward if I bump into in public.


How should I handle this?? Help!! lol

by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jellytoast90
by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:17 PM

bump

Samann818
by Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:20 PM

Lol I'm so white I'm practically see through...and at my sons bday parties we always have plenty of cake and waaay to much food! I Thimphu Mabey it's more how people are raised...I was raised where we invited tons of people always cooked out had tons of games at our bday parties...I have friends where their kids parties is just a small hour get together with cake.. But I've never met anyone that didn't have enough for everyone...I would probably cry if I realized as a mom I didn't have enough food to feed everybody,..or Mabey they just don't have the money too? I also have a couple of friends that don't have the money to buy a present so they get embarrassed and don't show up for parties but I always tell them it's fine you don't hVe to buy anything just come so my kid can play with his friend, you know? But it does get old after awhile for sure! 

jellytoast90
by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:24 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Samann818:

Lol I'm so white I'm practically see through...and at my sons bday parties we always have plenty of cake and waaay to much food! I Thimphu Mabey it's more how people are raised...I was raised where we invited tons of people always cooked out had tons of games at our bday parties...I have friends where their kids parties is just a small hour get together with cake.. But I've never met anyone that didn't have enough for everyone...I would probably cry if I realized as a mom I didn't have enough food to feed everybody,..or Mabey they just don't have the money too? I also have a couple of friends that don't have the money to buy a present so they get embarrassed and don't show up for parties but I always tell them it's fine you don't hVe to buy anything just come so my kid can play with his friend, you know? But it does get old after awhile for sure! 

I honestly meant no offense to you by suggesting that all white people don't like to feed their guests!! I'm sure plenty of you do. I'm just speaking culturally, it's a big NO-NO for us, II mean honestly if we couldn't feed everyone we just wouldn't have a party. We know eachother well enough that I know we're in the same financial situations though, not well off but definitely not struggling either.I just can't figure it out why she would do what she did. If I really don't want to go somewhere I will at least make up a crappy excuse...lol

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:25 PM
1 mom liked this

 I'm white and we always provide more than enough food at parties.  If it's at a place where there are tokens or whatever, we always provide plenty for the kids.  This women isn't commonplace, she's the exception.

As for your predicament with her, if you don't want to be around her or have contact with her... don't.  It really is as simple as that. 

jellytoast90
by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:27 PM


Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I'm white and we always provide more than enough food at parties.  If it's at a place where there are tokens or whatever, we always provide plenty for the kids.  This women isn't commonplace, she's the exception.

As for your predicament with her, if you don't want to be around her or have contact with her... don't.  It really is as simple as that. 

I didn't mean BECAUSE you are white..It's just that in my experience the only people that I've known to have cake parties HAVE been white. As a latino if we didn't feed our guests my grandmother would probably come hit me with a broom. It's practically unheard of in our culture.

Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:29 PM
White? Really? I always provide food for everyone.
OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:30 PM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting jellytoast90:

 

Quoting OHgirlinCA:

 I'm white and we always provide more than enough food at parties.  If it's at a place where there are tokens or whatever, we always provide plenty for the kids.  This women isn't commonplace, she's the exception.

As for your predicament with her, if you don't want to be around her or have contact with her... don't.  It really is as simple as that. 

I didn't mean BECAUSE you are white..It's just that in my experience the only people that I've known to have cake parties HAVE been white. As a latino if we didn't feed our guests my grandmother would probably come hit me with a broom. It's practically unheard of in our culture.

 Ok... well, I've never been to a "cake" party. 

***shrugs***

HaileysMom07180
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:33 PM
1 mom liked this

wow thanks for calling all white people lazy and inconsiderate.  btw, when i throw a party it involves lots of food and way to be racist.

jellytoast90
by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this

This has gone from me asking for advice to making me seem like I want to burn every single white person at the stake for not feeding their guests at a party....no. lol. But thank you for clearing that up for me ladies....maybe I just know a lot of flaky white people...

jellytoast90
by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 2:36 PM

Now I'm a racist? Oh wow. Thank you. No actually I'm not thank you. And I never called ANY white people lazy OR inconsiderate. I simply stated that I personally know a lot of white people who only have "cake parties" please get over yourself and read.

Quoting HaileysMom07180:

wow thanks for calling all white people lazy and inconsiderate.  btw, when i throw a party it involves lots of food and way to be racist.


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