I am a mommy of a 5Yr old beautiful little boy named Jacob. Since the day he has been born i and my husband have been extremely over protective of him. Lets put it this way, no one, not even family members have been allowed to babysit him. Its just been little old me and my husband taking care of him since day one. He still sleeps in bed with us because were scared he might get up int the middle of the night ant hurt himself or walk out the front door. When we take him to the park i am the only parent following my son on the monkey bars, jungle jim, slide, the whole damn park. There i an holding on to his shirt. Parents look at me like i have two heads but i dont care. I will be damned if my son falls. I guess if have been damaged because when i was pregnant with my son i watched a little boy fall in the park and landed on a metal rail and busted his mouth wide open. He lost a tooth and was bleeding uncontrollably. I watched it happen. The ambulance had to come and his mother was a basket case. So from that point on i promised my unborn baby i would never let that happen to him.
My sister's son was in daycare and was allowed to jump on a chair. Nether the less he fell down and busted his chin wide open and was rushed to the hospital and a plastic surgeon had to put his chin back together again. My sister has sued the daycare. Also ever watch Nancy Grace? Holy shit! Every night is a new story about some child getting thrown in a lake, beaten, molested and killed. Horror stories. I have since stopped watching. Every where you look kids are getting killed and kidnapped. I swear i wasnt like this with my daugther. She is 19 yrs old. I was 20 yrs old when i had her and was too young and dumb to realize how scary the world was for children. So i wasnt to overly protective with her till she was a teenager then it was on like Donkey Kong. I smothered her to say the least. But I am out of my mind with anxiety with my 5 yr old. What makes matters worse is my husband i worse than me. He doesnt even want me to drive with my son if he'snot in the car. I am writing this post because my son has a fever and today i gave him tylenol with a medicine cup and he choked on it. He was gasping for air, his eyes wide with fear and god damn it i could not get him to breathe. I lifted him up and kept saying relax baby just breathe. It wasn't happening and he was still gasping for air when i lost it and screamed Jacob breathe and wacked him on the back. Finallly slowly but surely his breath came back. But holy shit i have been a basket case for the rest of the day. I realized this evening when i put my little guy to bed that i spend my down time worrying about him. Why does he have a fever with no other symptoms, then i start thinking its something serious. I spend most of my days worried about him. He will be attending school in September and i know that is going to be a challenge for me to let go and let a stranger take over. That freaks me out. Will he walk out of the school? A kid in my state of NY walked out of the school and wound up in pieces in the East River. Will kids be mean to him? Will he choke on his lunch? What if he falls down and im not there to ease him. I am posting this for help and advice. For one am i nuts?
I had a very bad childhood. A very abusive childhood, I was sexually assaulted and beaten by my ex boyfriend, i was at the Twin Towers when it was attacked and was injured, I had a horrific miscarriage and seen my baby come out of me dead and held it in my hands in the emergency room. So i guess you can say i dont see the world in rose colored glasses. I see it as a very bad place. So i am over protective with my kids. It affects my happiness because i would like to ease up a little and enjoy his childhood. instead im waiting for something bad to happen or the latter trying to avoid something bad from happening. Does anyone else feel the same way i feel. Does anyone have advice on how i can ease up a little. I would love some feedback. I write a blog about nutrition and all things children and teens. I have never mentioned in my blog this problem i have. I feel comfortable on CafeMom. Most if not all women on this website are warm and understanding. Awaiting your feedback. Sorry for the ramble.