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Overly Protective Mother/ Anxiety Ridden/ Help!

Posted by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 10:48 PM
  • 43 Replies

I am a mommy of a 5Yr old beautiful little boy named Jacob. Since the day he has been born i and my husband have been extremely over protective of him. Lets put it this way, no one, not even family members have been allowed to babysit him. Its just been little old me and my husband taking care of him since day one. He still sleeps in bed with us because were scared he might get up int the middle of the night ant hurt himself or walk out the front door. When we take him to the park i am the only parent following my son on the monkey bars, jungle jim, slide,  the whole damn park. There i an holding on to his shirt. Parents look at me like i have two heads but i dont care. I will be damned if my son falls. I guess if have been damaged because when i was pregnant with my son i watched a little boy fall in the park and landed on a metal rail and busted his mouth wide open. He lost a tooth and was bleeding uncontrollably. I watched it happen. The ambulance had to come and his mother was a basket case. So from that point on i promised my unborn baby i would never let that happen to him.

 My sister's son was in daycare and was allowed to jump on a chair. Nether the less he fell down and busted his chin wide open and was rushed to the hospital and a plastic surgeon had to put his chin back together again. My sister has sued the daycare. Also ever watch Nancy Grace? Holy shit! Every night is a new story about some child getting thrown in a lake, beaten, molested and killed. Horror stories. I have since stopped watching. Every where you look kids are getting killed and kidnapped. I swear i wasnt like this with my daugther. She is 19 yrs old. I was 20 yrs old when i had her and was too young and dumb to realize how scary the world was for children. So i wasnt to overly protective with her till she was a teenager then it was on like Donkey Kong. I smothered her to say the least. But I am out of my mind with anxiety with my 5 yr old. What makes matters worse is my husband i worse than me. He doesnt even want me to drive with my son if he'snot in the car. I am writing this post because my son has a fever and today i gave him tylenol with a medicine cup and he choked on it. He was gasping for air, his eyes wide with fear and god damn it i could not get him to breathe. I lifted him up and kept saying relax baby just breathe. It wasn't happening and he was still gasping for air when i lost it and screamed Jacob breathe and wacked him on the back. Finallly slowly but surely his breath came back. But holy shit i have been a basket case for the rest of the day. I realized this evening when i put my little guy to bed that i spend my down time worrying about him. Why does he have a fever with no other symptoms, then i start thinking its something serious. I spend most of my days worried about him. He will be attending school in September and i know that is going to be a challenge for me to let go and let a stranger take over. That freaks me out. Will he walk out of the school? A kid in my state of NY walked out of the school and wound up in pieces in the East River. Will kids be mean to him? Will he choke on his lunch? What if he falls down and im not there to ease him. I am posting this for help and advice. For one am i nuts?

 I had a very bad childhood. A very abusive childhood, I was sexually assaulted and beaten by my ex boyfriend, i was at the Twin Towers when it was attacked and was injured, I had a horrific miscarriage and seen my baby come out of me dead and held it in my hands in the emergency room. So i guess you can say i dont see the world in rose colored glasses. I see it as a very bad place. So i am over protective with my kids. It affects my happiness because i would like to ease up a little and enjoy his childhood. instead im waiting for something bad to happen or the latter  trying to avoid something bad from happening. Does anyone else feel the same way i feel. Does anyone have advice on how i can ease up a little. I would love some feedback. I write a blog about nutrition and all things children and teens. I have never mentioned in my blog this problem i have. I feel comfortable on CafeMom. Most if not all women on this website are warm and understanding. Awaiting your feedback. Sorry for the ramble.

by on Apr. 24, 2014 at 10:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jackiewal10
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 10:55 PM
6 moms liked this

Whoa!  This post is just....too all over the place. I don't even know what it is you're asking/looking for.  But just from this, my honest opinion of it all is that you and your DH are in some serious need of professional, psychological help.  And I don't mean that in a mean way.  Over-protective is one thing.  You take that to a whole new level.  Your child is never going to thrive on his own if you can't learn to let go.

MMIC
by Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 10:58 PM
2 moms liked this
I skimmed through your post, I'm sorry lol but I get the jist. I'm very similar, you are not alone. You have a hard time trusting people with your precious boy and I understand because you have been let down in your past and don't wish that on your son. You want what is best for him and nothing less! :) on Easter I was criticized by all who saw how I hover over my baby girl but like you said, I'll be damned if she gets hurt! I won't stop protecting my baby for the sake of lazy parents who feel bad about themselves letting their children run a muck! I won't have it.

So, I understand you. If you do wish to back off a little then just use baby steps. Small things. I get the anxiety too. We can't hold their hands forever though. :"(
Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Apr. 24, 2014 at 11:03 PM
I think you need counseling. Relax a little. My son plays soccer and at times gets hurt . He jumps right back up and moves on. If it's serious he tells us. Honestly, I feel sorry for him when he starts school.
trulyblessed618
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2014 at 11:26 PM
This world is a cruel place and those tv shows can make you feel like staying locked up in your house forever. You sound like a caring mom. Like one of the women said in her response take baby steps. If family is trustworthy leave him for short periods alone with them. He needs this to build his independence. The playgrounds scare me to ...some are designed in my opinion dangerously. Nothing wrong with watching him closely. ..just dont be completely on top of him...and realize one day he may hurt himself and thats ok because he has you to comfort him. Try to put your focus on something else when you start worrying...this is what I do and it helps the panic go away....and the sooner you realize that we only have so much control over our lives the better off you will be. I believe thats one of the keys to beating anxiety...I am a sufferer. Lastly a little over protective is better in my opinion :)
emmy526
by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 7:42 AM
3 moms liked this

Counseling would do you a world of good to ease your anxieites...your child will be afraid of his own shadow if you keep living in fear of everything. 

Mater-three
by Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 7:44 AM
You need counseling. That is not healthy for you or your son.
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simsgm
by Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 8:45 AM
The world is a dangerous place but you can't shield him from e everything or he won't be ready when it's time for him to go out In to the world
highlandmum
by Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 9:19 AM
2 moms liked this

 The thing about it is children are going to get hurt.  They are going to make mistakes.  We as parents cannot protect them from everything, even though we want to.  They need to be able to explore and make mistakes on their own it is how they become their own person, and how they learn.

I will sit at a park and watch my children play, I do not hover over them, I have helped them on the monkey bars when they were younger but slowly I stated to move away when they were on them, and let them get the confidence that they could do them on their own, but I was always there if they needed me.

My youngest is my first boy - he is a typical boy in that he plays hard and goes hard.  He plays sports and I have sat on the sidelines and watch him develop into a child that has confidence in his abilities.  We have been lucky in that he has never had an injury, but I know this luck will probably run out sometime and I am not looking forward to that.  But it will not stop me from letting him be himself.

I think you and your husband need to start slowly letting him get a bit more freedom.  Start at the park and take a few steps back when he is on the monkey bars, then as he gains his confidence step back further.  You are helping him more by letting him get some freedom while still under your eye.

rgba
by Bronze Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 9:26 AM
Get counseling.
There is a difference between overprotective and what you are doing, which will damage your son.

FIL did this to his daughter, my SIL, and it did not turn out well for her. She is now 18, obese, dropped out of college, not working, and not capable of taking care of herself.
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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 25, 2014 at 9:32 AM

You need counseling.  You are gonna helicopter and  ruin your child if you keep this up. 

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