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GAH...Mother's Day planning drama

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:15 AM
  • 16 Replies

This year is my first Mother's Day. My husband and I decided that we would spend time together, just us and our daughter, ON Mother's Day. Over the span of the weekend, we would do something with my MIL and my mom. We made plans to have my family over on Saturday for dinner. When I talked to my MIL about making plans with them she asked when we could come over on Sunday. So, I explained to her that we decided to do our own thing on Sunday, but that we could see them on Friday or Saturday. She was NOT happy. She just kinda sat there looking at me with this shocked face. It was like she couldn't believe that we wouldn't be spending all of Mother's day with her, (even though we will still be spending ALL of Friday eve with her.) She was clearly not happy about it. My ILs have this thing about entitlement and feeling like it's their right to do things they way they want no matter how my husband and I feel about it. My thing is this: My husband and I have a family now. I'm am mother now. We should be able to start making our family traditions without my MIL getting upset and bent out of shape about it. We are still going to see her that morning because we go to the same church as both her and my parents. So it's not like she won't see us at all. We just won't be spending time with her that day. We'll be doing it on Friday instead. I mean...am I crazy for wanting to spend Mother's day the way that I want?  

by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
suetoo
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:37 AM
1 mom liked this

Nope, just hang tough. Your plans sound fine. Happy Mother's Day. And prepare her now for any changes in Christmas morning or Hanukkah plans. :-)

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:40 AM

I wouldn't care.  We don't live by family so if we could have spent Mothers's Day with our Mom's we would have.  My Mom isn't around now.  I personally don't think Mother's Dad is a huge deal so spending it with our Mom's would have been great.  I guess being older I appreciate my MIL and would love another minute with my Mom. 

prov31woman424
by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:41 AM

Thanks! My daughter was born last summer, so we actually ended up having some issues around Christmas. Ugh. We tried seeing everyone in both families over Christmas eve and Christmas day. It was super stressful. Thanksgiving was worse though. The IL's ended up eating Thanksgiving dinner without us and didn't tell us till we showed up at the time we had set the previous week. We were supposed to have dinner around 4, but when we showed up at 4 we found out that my FIL didn't want to wait for us so they ate at noon instead. We got to have a reheated Thanksgiving meal. What was even more frustrating was that we had side dishes that I had made earlier that day to have with dinner. So we showed up with wasted food becasue they weren't hungry. 

Quoting suetoo:

Nope, just hang tough. Your plans sound fine. Happy Mother's Day. And prepare her now for any changes in Christmas morning or Hanukkah plans. :-)


strictmomhere
by Platinum Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:42 AM
I would want to see my mom on mother's day
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
iamcafemom83
by Mariah on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:44 AM
I can see your point. It is your first mother's day. I think she should give you your space this time:)

But really...the novelty wears off after awhile and you'll find flexibility.
prov31woman424
by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:47 AM

It's not that we don't want to see our moms on Mother's day. It's mostly that it makes for a very long (and fussy baby) day when we have church, then splitting the rest of the day between his family and mine. My mom wouldn't care, but his mom would be extremely hurt if we spent time with my mom that day instead of her. So we decided that the BEST alternative would be not to spend time with either one that day and give them more personal time another day over the weekend. It won't be as rushed and our daughter won't be fussy from being out all day. 

Quoting strictmomhere: I would want to see my mom on mother's day


prov31woman424
by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 10:53 AM

I know. It's not like we were saying that these plans will be our plans for every Mother's day in the future. This just seems to be the best option for this year. I have no idea what will happen next year. 

Quoting iamcafemom83: I can see your point. It is your first mother's day. I think she should give you your space this time:) But really...the novelty wears off after awhile and you'll find flexibility.


natural_s
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 1:18 PM
2 moms liked this

You are not crazy and should not feel guilty about wanting to do your own thing. I would not even sweat it, she would either take Friday or Saturday or nothing at all.

Like you said you and your husband have started your own family now and you two are entitled to start your own family traditions. I honestly don't understand why mothers feel like they are entitled to run their adult childrens lives, it is very annoying and happens so often.

prov31woman424
by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 2:04 PM

Knowing my FIL, he will call my husband sometime before next Friday to tell us how upset my MIL is that we won't be spending time with her on Mother's day. He will try manipulating my husband by making him feel bad so that we will change our plans. It's what they always do. I try not to be upset about it, but they always act like I'm the villian. Everything is always my fault. 

Quoting natural_s:

You are not crazy and should not feel guilty about wanting to do your own thing. I would not even sweat it, she would either take Friday or Saturday or nothing at all.

Like you said you and your husband have started your own family now and you two are entitled to start your own family traditions. I honestly don't understand why mothers feel like they are entitled to run their adult childrens lives, it is very annoying and happens so often.


natural_s
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 3:47 PM

 Hopefully your husband sticks to his guns and respect your wishes this year. I think it's selfish to not allow you to do something this year that you want to do. For goodness sake you will see her.

I understand. I don't know what it is with mothers doing that with their sons, I told my husband that when our boys get older and start their own families (praying I live to be bless to see that), that if I start acting crazy like that he better put me in my place, lol. Hopefully I am raising my boys to know that when they do start their own families it is okay to live for the family that they are blessed with and not allow me to put my two sense in their relationships and them not feel guilty about doing so.

Hopefully your husband can explain to his parents that you two wish to do something different and that will be the end of it.

Quoting prov31woman424:

Knowing my FIL, he will call my husband sometime before next Friday to tell us how upset my MIL is that we won't be spending time with her on Mother's day. He will try manipulating my husband by making him feel bad so that we will change our plans. It's what they always do. I try not to be upset about it, but they always act like I'm the villian. Everything is always my fault. 

Quoting natural_s:

You are not crazy and should not feel guilty about wanting to do your own thing. I would not even sweat it, she would either take Friday or Saturday or nothing at all.

Like you said you and your husband have started your own family now and you two are entitled to start your own family traditions. I honestly don't understand why mothers feel like they are entitled to run their adult childrens lives, it is very annoying and happens so often.

 

 

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