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Frustrated SAHM looking for some advice and guidance....any advice welcomed!

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 5:10 PM
  • 18 Replies

Hey everyone, for those who I haven't met yet I'm Ash. I'm looking for advice. I'm a SAHM to two wonderful babies. My oldest is Aleister, a loveable, highstrung 19 month old boy and my youngest is nearly 4 months old, her name is Phoebe. I don't really know what to say...before I begin I'm not really complaining I'm just unsure what to do. When I was younger I never imagined myself being a SAHM, I actually broke off a relationship because the guy wanted me to be a SAHM, but here I am at 22, a stay at home mommy and here lately I feel like every day is testing my sanity. I love my children very, very much but recently I have been getting extremely frustrated. My oldest is constantly getting into things he shouldn't, tearing up the livingroom I just cleaned. It seems like every meal, bath, and nap time (nap are getting better) is just another tantrum waiting to happen. He's constantly painting his high chair or himself with the food i fix for him without him barely touching it, at the end of every meal it's a bowl (or plate) dumped over his head. I've tried sitting with him to prevent this from happening but if I turn my back for a second to check on Phoebe, when i turn back around there is something in his hair. My husband loved our sons long hair but I finally had to cut it because it was so hard to maintain. And now here recently our daughter has been crying ALL THE TIME...I have to either constanly hold her or bounce her or something to keep her content. I have no time to really play with my son and when I do I am so physically exhausted I can't muster up the energy to take him out to play. I feel like it's hurting my relationship with my son. I feel horrible for saying this but it's starting to make me angry with my daughter because Aleister prefurs his grandparents or dad more than me. I know I shouldn't feel that way but please....can someone help me, give me advice? Please?

by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 5:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WundrWmn
by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 7:10 PM
1 mom liked this
Ok, I have suggestions for you! Just so you know, I have 4 biological kids, 2 step kids (all live with is the majority of the time) & another baby on the way, so believe me I am used to kiddie chaos!!!! (My current youngest is 19mos old right now and I work from home)

Ok, here is you survival checklist:

1) A high quality caffeine source (coffee, tea, etc) this will help your attitude and give you energy to get through the day.

2) An infant carrier (I like moby wraps or beco's). This will help quiet the four-month old and allow you to be hands-free to play with your toddler.

3) A daily schedule!! Children are creatures of habit. Creating a daily schedule will help you plan, and give your toddler some structure. Make a list of fun activities you can do it in such as going for a walk, the park, playing outside, playing with Play-doh, finger paints, storytime etc. he's likely being destructive and getting into so much stuff because he's bored.

4) A positive attitude... Children can smell fear! When you show distress, they pray on it and find ways to make it worse! Stay calm and redirect your toddler when he's doing something wrong. Learn how to keep him busy enough and know when he's had enough and needs to switch gears.

5) suction cup plates! My 19 month old tosses plates all the time so I use the ones that stick, or put his food right on his highchair tray.

It will get easier, I promise!!! :)
veggiemom474
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 7:24 PM
1 mom liked this

A BABY WRAP! You need a sling of some sort to free ur hands up, and keep the baby happy. I used one for month's, my DD loved it. I did everything with her in it.

SewingMamaLele
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 7:33 PM
Make plans everyday. Get out every single day, with friends, or other moms. Cuts down on the mess at home, keeps you sane and meets the little ones energy requirements.

I know it may seem harder, but it makes things better, really.

It all sounds very normal for having two very young children. Staying home is a hard job... Parenting is a hard job. Push through, enjoy the little stuff and find a good b community to support you. It'll get better.
terpmama
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 7:39 PM
1 mom liked this
I second the baby carrier... I find the more organized the better (for example, I have a single load of laundry scheduled for each day but Sunday... Including sheets, towels/jeans). I have three kids 5 and under and most of the stuff you mention is "age appropriate" (not that it helps but it is a phase).
momma_stillings
by New Member on Apr. 28, 2014 at 11:26 PM

Thank you so much for the wonderful advice! I think I'm definetly going to start getting a set scedule going. Again thank you so much!

Quoting WundrWmn: Ok, I have suggestions for you! Just so you know, I have 4 biological kids, 2 step kids (all live with is the majority of the time) & another baby on the way, so believe me I am used to kiddie chaos!!!! (My current youngest is 19mos old right now and I work from home) Ok, here is you survival checklist: 1) A high quality caffeine source (coffee, tea, etc) this will help your attitude and give you energy to get through the day. 2) An infant carrier (I like moby wraps or beco's). This will help quiet the four-month old and allow you to be hands-free to play with your toddler. 3) A daily schedule!! Children are creatures of habit. Creating a daily schedule will help you plan, and give your toddler some structure. Make a list of fun activities you can do it in such as going for a walk, the park, playing outside, playing with Play-doh, finger paints, storytime etc. he's likely being destructive and getting into so much stuff because he's bored. 4) A positive attitude... Children can smell fear! When you show distress, they pray on it and find ways to make it worse! Stay calm and redirect your toddler when he's doing something wrong. Learn how to keep him busy enough and know when he's had enough and needs to switch gears. 5) suction cup plates! My 19 month old tosses plates all the time so I use the ones that stick, or put his food right on his highchair tray. It will get easier, I promise!!! :)


WundrWmn
by on Apr. 28, 2014 at 11:40 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm slightly adhd and OCD so lists and schedules have literally saved my sanity. My 19 mo old is such a joy when he's kept on his schedule for naps, eating, playtime, bedtime, etc. he know what to expect and I can more easily anticipate his needs and fussy times, then plan accordingly. Good luck momma! :)

Quoting momma_stillings:

Thank you so much for the wonderful advice! I think I'm definetly going to start getting a set scedule going. Again thank you so much!

Quoting WundrWmn: Ok, I have suggestions for you! Just so you know, I have 4 biological kids, 2 step kids (all live with is the majority of the time) & another baby on the way, so believe me I am used to kiddie chaos!!!! (My current youngest is 19mos old right now and I work from home)

Ok, here is you survival checklist:

1) A high quality caffeine source (coffee, tea, etc) this will help your attitude and give you energy to get through the day.

2) An infant carrier (I like moby wraps or beco's). This will help quiet the four-month old and allow you to be hands-free to play with your toddler.

3) A daily schedule!! Children are creatures of habit. Creating a daily schedule will help you plan, and give your toddler some structure. Make a list of fun activities you can do it in such as going for a walk, the park, playing outside, playing with Play-doh, finger paints, storytime etc. he's likely being destructive and getting into so much stuff because he's bored.

4) A positive attitude... Children can smell fear! When you show distress, they pray on it and find ways to make it worse! Stay calm and redirect your toddler when he's doing something wrong. Learn how to keep him busy enough and know when he's had enough and needs to switch gears.

5) suction cup plates! My 19 month old tosses plates all the time so I use the ones that stick, or put his food right on his highchair tray.

It will get easier, I promise!!! :)

stargazerwolf
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2014 at 12:03 AM

Great advice so far! I would definitely say schedule, doesn't have to be exactly set, just be like after breakfast play out in the backyard to tire 19 month old out, do something creative like water colors outside on big paper or chalk on the sidewalk (when its nice), maybe then a snack, then it might be about nap time for him. The 4 month old if you get a carrier or even a nice swing, the type that is easy to move around so you can have it outside if need be, my 23 month old loved her swing and I used it when I needed to clean or do something else. I couldnt' use a baby carrier cause I already have back problems. You could try to get them to nap around the same time, but at 4 months I kind of just let mine set their napping schedule.

If you get overly stressed and they are going crazy, don't feel bad if you have to put the 4 month old in the crib and the 19 month old in his room and just step away for a bit. Your 4 month old could be teething or going through a growth spurt right now. I'm lucky that even when I did stay home the kids were not bad, They are about 4 years apart so my older girl could help a bit. Coffee has been a life saver for me ever since I started drinking it, especially since I am a single mom of two kiddos (almost 2 and 6 now) and running a business.

Good luck! It is hard, but you will make it! I wasn't a great stay at home mom but now I kind of wish I could do it again...but one is now is school so it'd be easier...they do get easier!

sarahfaith123
by Sarah on Apr. 29, 2014 at 3:33 AM
Yea these are great suggestions. I was a SAHM for 2 years. Part of the second year I also cared for my cousins 18 month old until she was around 2 and mine was 2 months older. She had eating issues too and would fill up in crackers in between. With the eating - if he's playing with or throwing his food I take it away. I give a snack or meal every two hours but maybe your snack is too big and he's not hungry enough? My advice is too to let him make a mess at meal time if he is eating it. I would put the baby in the high chair or hold her and read stories while your son eats. Or place him in his seat and eat in front of him and he will ask for some. If he doesn't eat at lunch you can always make up for it at supper when hubby comes to help or I used to give her DD a baba after lunch and that would fill her up for nap. Definitely get outside with the 19 m old. I used to bring them out even in the cold. make sure you eat, drink and sleep. I used to also have an appletini at tub time once DH was home. Make plans for me time and exercise time. Me time is not grocery shopping or chores ! It's walking outside or meeting with a friend. I know DD is young but try out playgroups for DS. A good activity might be involving the two kids like sitting in the living room : to your DS "bring The baby the ball" yay! "Bring her the bear" yea! Etc.Congrats on your baby. Hang tin there, I know it's hard but of course now I miss it now that I'm working. I got long winded here. I like the names of your kids.

Quoting WundrWmn: Ok, I have suggestions for you! Just so you know, I have 4 biological kids, 2 step kids (all live with is the majority of the time) & another baby on the way, so believe me I am used to kiddie chaos!!!! (My current youngest is 19mos old right now and I work from home)

Ok, here is you survival checklist:

1) A high quality caffeine source (coffee, tea, etc) this will help your attitude and give you energy to get through the day.

2) An infant carrier (I like moby wraps or beco's). This will help quiet the four-month old and allow you to be hands-free to play with your toddler.

3) A daily schedule!! Children are creatures of habit. Creating a daily schedule will help you plan, and give your toddler some structure. Make a list of fun activities you can do it in such as going for a walk, the park, playing outside, playing with Play-doh, finger paints, storytime etc. he's likely being destructive and getting into so much stuff because he's bored.

4) A positive attitude... Children can smell fear! When you show distress, they pray on it and find ways to make it worse! Stay calm and redirect your toddler when he's doing something wrong. Learn how to keep him busy enough and know when he's had enough and needs to switch gears.

5) suction cup plates! My 19 month old tosses plates all the time so I use the ones that stick, or put his food right on his highchair tray.

It will get easier, I promise!!! :)
sarahfaith123
by Sarah on Apr. 29, 2014 at 3:34 AM
Schedule critical for us too even still.

Quoting WundrWmn: I'm slightly adhd and OCD so lists and schedules have literally saved my sanity. My 19 mo old is such a joy when he's kept on his schedule for naps, eating, playtime, bedtime, etc. he know what to expect and I can more easily anticipate his needs and fussy times, then plan accordingly. Good luck momma! :)

Quoting momma_stillings:

Thank you so much for the wonderful advice! I think I'm definetly going to start getting a set scedule going. Again thank you so much!

Quoting WundrWmn: Ok, I have suggestions for you! Just so you know, I have 4 biological kids, 2 step kids (all live with is the majority of the time) & another baby on the way, so believe me I am used to kiddie chaos!!!! (My current youngest is 19mos old right now and I work from home)

Ok, here is you survival checklist:

1) A high quality caffeine source (coffee, tea, etc) this will help your attitude and give you energy to get through the day.

2) An infant carrier (I like moby wraps or beco's). This will help quiet the four-month old and allow you to be hands-free to play with your toddler.

3) A daily schedule!! Children are creatures of habit. Creating a daily schedule will help you plan, and give your toddler some structure. Make a list of fun activities you can do it in such as going for a walk, the park, playing outside, playing with Play-doh, finger paints, storytime etc. he's likely being destructive and getting into so much stuff because he's bored.

4) A positive attitude... Children can smell fear! When you show distress, they pray on it and find ways to make it worse! Stay calm and redirect your toddler when he's doing something wrong. Learn how to keep him busy enough and know when he's had enough and needs to switch gears.

5) suction cup plates! My 19 month old tosses plates all the time so I use the ones that stick, or put his food right on his highchair tray.

It will get easier, I promise!!! :)

JasonsMom2007
by Platinum Member on Apr. 29, 2014 at 3:41 AM
My son was always into things like that. I could leave the house with him for 4 hours and he would go right back to what he got in trouble for playing with. It about drove me crazy!
I'd have to take a deep breath, ask myself what was bothering me the most, and focus on fixing that problem first.
I second the carrier and the schedule. Make sure you give him appropriate sensory play as well. This summer let him play in whipped cream (or shaving cream if he won't eat it) outside in a little inflatable pool. Then let him run through the sprinklers to clean off. Figure out what input he's seeking or what he's trying to explore and give him an acceptable way to learn and experience things.
Good luck!
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