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Friend's "ex" boyfriend

Posted by on May. 4, 2014 at 12:40 PM
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I'm 30 and DH and I have a beautiful 1 year old girl. We don't have family in the area but are fortunate to have a close friend live nearby who helps us out and babysits from time to time. Recently her boyfriend of a year a half had a self admitted "breakdown" where he yelled at her, blamed her for a lot of the problems in his life, told her he needs to be with a adult who has a job (she's in school and not working), and someone who understands his "adult problems", and that she has gained weight lately.

In short, he was really mean to her, hitting her in each and every one of her insecurities, and broke up with her. Over the past couple of weeks since this happened, he has been texting her and calling her, asking her to get together and do things. He is basically acting like they are still together when it fits his needs. He expects her to listen to his problems but if she mentions any problem of hers, he shuts her down and says he can't handle taking care of her right now he has too much going on in his own life.

Well, now he's back in the picture and I think they're back together. I hate that he treated my friend so poorly and I don't want to see him because I'm mad (and mad at her for putting up with it). Now they want to come hang out and watch my baby too. I don't feel comfortable having a man who admitted to having a "breakdown" be alone with my baby (he was arrested in the past for hitting his baby's mom but he denies anything happened).

What would you do? I don't want him around me at all, and especially my baby, but DH says I'm overreacting. We agree he is not allowed with DD without one of us present. Should I be friendly to him and forgive and forget like my friend do? If she's over it, should I be too?
by on May. 4, 2014 at 12:40 PM
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Replies (1-4):
preemiemom45
by on May. 4, 2014 at 12:41 PM
One more thing, her last long term boyfriend treated her like crap and this bf knows it. That's what bothers me a lot because he knows she has low self esteem and has been verbally and emotionally abused in the past, swore to everyone he wasn't like the ex, but now seems to be...
Bleacheddecay
by on May. 4, 2014 at 1:16 PM
2 moms liked this

One of the difficult things about being a friend is listening to the garbage their partners do to them and then acting like everything is okay.

I would NOT let someone you know is potentially violent and unstable alone with my friend and your baby because your friend allows his behavior so you can't trust her either now.

Nothing is more important than keeping your child safe from known dangers. JMO.

nana776
by on May. 4, 2014 at 1:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't let them watch my lo unless it was just her at my house, but I wouldn't give up on the friendship either. She needs friends right now. If this guy is being abusive, then he is probably trying to isolate her and nothing would make him happier than to have her lose you as a supportive friend. Please don't be mad at your friend, she needs someone to counteract all the psychological abuse, someone that builds her up. Building up her self-esteem is what will get her to leave him. She needs to feel that she is worthy of being treated better than she is, and that she can make it on her own. Once she builds that up, she will have the strength and courage to leave.


preemiemom45
by on May. 4, 2014 at 1:38 PM
Thanks ladies! I know that was long but I wanted you to see the full picture.

I don't think he's physically abusive. I don't know what has happened in the past, that was before I met him and there are two sides to every story.

I'll support her and be the friend you have said: be there for her regardless. I'll see him if that's the only way I can see her. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable with a "us or him" situation. He will not be allowed with my DD alone, possibly never. (He is 1,000+ miles away from his 2 year old daughter and in court constantly trying to get more rights to see her so he has some "daughter" issues of his own).
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