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MIL Issues and not sure what to tell my toddler

Posted by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 12:35 AM
  • 14 Replies
So I have a 2 year old little girl and expecting a boy this month. My SIL is getting married in Mexico ( June 28) and I knew my c-section would be done the week before my due date (June 30). So I saw the nurse practitioner at my OB/GYN office and she said my c-section was scheduled for June 24. Here lies the problem. My in laws are leaving that day to go to Mexico for the wedding. My mother in law was asking me if we could get it changed to Monday instead but (haven't asked yet) I don't think that's going to happen. My Doctor does surgery on Tuesdays so unless I went into labor before my c-section date I don't think that it will change. It kinda annoys me that she wants me to ask my doctor to make special accommodations for them just because they are leaving the country but she knew that the Monday or Tuesday before my due date was when the surgery would be scheduled. So she asks me on Friday (Dr stops seeing patients at 12 and I don't know if the office is open passed 12 or not) at like 2 if I called my doctor to see if it was possible to change my surgery date to Monday instead of Tuesday. I told her I hadn't asked but I would ask at my next appointment (this Thursday). She then proceeds to text me and tell me that she can't believe that I wouldn't ask (at the appointment that they told me when the surgery was) since I knew that none of my DH's family would be in town and it's like I don't even care. She has now been ignoring me for the past 3 days (she usually comes by after she gets off work normally 3 at the latest 6pm) and help me clean house a little bit. So now my 2 year old daughter is starting to notice that gramma hasn't been around and she's been asking me about where gramma is. I haven't really been answering her or I just say I don't know. How do you explain to a 2 year old that gramma thinks she's punishing mommy by not coming around but she's only hurting her (my daughter)? This is not the 1st time she has done this to me either but at the time my daughter couldn't talk or really be aware something was different. My husband thinks his mom will get over herself within the next day or 2 but I don't think she will. I never responded to her text about not caring because I had some really rude things to say to respond with. (She sees my daughter whenever she wants, I never tell her no) my responses would've been along the lines of "really? I don't care? You see your granddaughter whenever you want, I never tell you no but I don't care?" My mom said don't bring it up because it will just cause more problems and my husband told me I should apologize but for what? I did nothing wrong. My MIL is also supposed to bring my daughter to Mexico because she's supposed to be the flower girl in my SIL wedding and my husband is supposed to leave the Thursday before the wedding (which are 2 separate huge fights that I'm not going to get into) but if she's going to act like this I'm not letting her take my daughter and I'm going to tell my husband to not leave. (By the way Thursday is the earliest day I would be getting out of the hospital. My best friend is supposed to stay with me while he's out of town (still a huge fight I don't feel like discussing it was between us and her not me and him. I wanted him to stay home because we are having a baby and she pretty much told him he had no choice but to go)
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 12:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
chefmartha
by Gold Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 12:42 AM

Was the wedding planned and date announced before you announced your pregnancy or after? If they planned it after you announced when you were due, then they were the rude ones for planning a destination wedding and insisting that your DH and DD be there and not at home with you.

I hope you DH decides to stay home with you instead.

MichelleJ1000
by Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 12:52 AM
Wow. What a rock and hard place. I don't think you have anything to apologize for. Be the bigger person and talk to her about having known the plans in advance and that you might not be able to reschedule. I also think your man needs to stop letting his mother run his life.

Good luck.
Keda84
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 12:59 AM
You have nothing to apologize for MIL is the one needs to apologize. As far as your DD I would tell her grandma's busy and when she gets some free time she will come to visit. MIL is wrong for asking your DH to chose between you and a wedding. I hope DH and DD stay and not going to the wedding.
AshKerBear2013
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 1:11 AM
They planned the wedding and we were all going to go but I found out I was pregnant. I thought I wasn't going to be due until July but once I found out my due date I was like damn. His mom said to discuss it with me and then told him he was pretty much going even though I didn't want him to leave then she was like you can't handle a few days without him (um no stupid it's major surgery) then she was like well maybe you could stay with your grandparents (they're in their 70s the last thing they need is me right home from surgery and a newborn). So I asked my best friend to stay and she said no problem. I don't know why they have to leave 4 days before the wedding to go. I think if they wanted to stay they should have left the Thursday before and then stayed the following week. But yet every time she gets mad at me she acts and makes me out to be the horrible uncaring hateful daughter in law instead of just accepting stuff the way it is. Get over it it's not like you're never going to see him after he's born
a_and_j_momma
by Platinum Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:22 AM
You have nothing to apologize for. What do you want to do about your c-section date? Just tell your daughter grandma is busy and she will see her soon
iamcafemom83
by Mariah on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:58 AM
As far as your 2 yo.goes, just tell her granma.is busy and will see her soon. You really don't need to go into detail:)

Whyyy is your husband even considering going to this wedding? II've never had a csec, but from what I know, you need help after.

You need to reel your husband back in. Besides the situation with your mil, he should be staying with you. I am sure the couple getting married will understand!
AshKerBear2013
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 11:09 AM
Since it's my SIL my MIL thinks that my DH has to be there because it's his only sisters wedding. Well maybe she should've gotten married in the US not in a foreign country. 48 of the 50 states you can drive to. If she wanted a beach wedding go to Florida. His mom paid his ticket etc to leave Thursday and stay so it's not like I can just be like hey screw it because she'll make us pay it back to her. Plus she would throw another temper tantrum and try to "punish us" again. She needs to stop acting like a child. She's 50 years old and acts like a 5 yr old.
Bleacheddecay
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 11:50 AM
1 mom liked this

I'd be angry if my husband choose a wedding over the birth of his own child.

themaurer7
by Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 11:54 AM
1 mom liked this
This. Only sister or not, you're his wife and this is child. My dh would never even consider not being there.

Quoting Bleacheddecay:

I'd be angry if my husband choose a wedding over the birth of his own child.

strictmomhere
by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 12:28 PM
Sorry but my hubby would not be going
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