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*UPDATE TWO* My mom is a huge threat to our family

Posted by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 1:53 PM
  • 114 Replies

We own a duplex together. It's 2 houses, attached and they are both identical. Our mortgage is one, we split it.

My mom is a real estate agent. Has been for many yrs. For the past 5 yrs, it's been an on and off threat she will not make her mortgage. She doesn't sell enough to live on. She collects a small social security check, and makes money on and off from her real estate sales. But she relies on that on and off money, She absolutely refuses to get a regular job. She says she's too old (in her late 60's) and cannot go back to working for minimum wage. Back in the day, my mom made so much from selling houses, she was able to travel to Europe and out West. Now, she could barely feed herself. She didn't save any money, she spends it impulsively on credit cards, shopping for crap.

Both my DH and I have 3 kids between us, and both work full time. We have enough, we pay all our bills and have some play money each month.

If my mom cannot make her mortgage, which is ALWAYS a possibility, my credit will be ruined. I have supremely good credit. Barely any debt, I ALWAYS pay everything on time. Not one negative on my credit report. My mother's refusal to get a job can ruin all of that. We have plans to retire early (on my meager pension) and live full time in an RV, once the kids are adults, and I reach my minimum retirement age.

If we sold our house ASAP, we would be some what screwed too. Rent around here is CRAZY, and we would have to move too far away from our jobs for lower rent. It would be cramped as well with 3 kids!

So, my mom refuses to get a regular job, she shops with credit cards when she has no cash because she is impulsive, and is not an easy person to reason with.

We are very worried. Any idea's??? We feel stuck. I've owned this house for the past 11 yrs. Rasing my DD and SK's in it. We have a big backyard, a dog.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUGGESTIONS!

I spoke with DH last night, this is so depressing. My mother doesn't even have next month's mortgage payment. The ONLY option here is to sell. Which would change our lives immensely. I won't whine about why right now, but it's hard to except when we're doing just fine,  and she's been so irresponsible. We are going to talk with her this week, and lay it out. Selling is the only option.  Here's why:

we cannot buy her out, we don't have any savings we can access, she put $50,000 down on this house many yrs ago, so we would have to pay her that, plus the equity.

We cannot remove my name from the deed, she would have to refinance and qualify for the entire mortgage, and she won't qualify with such little income.

She cannot simply rent her half and move, she has NO money at all. None to just move like that, we have to be realistic.

So, I guess selling is the only option. 11 years in this house, thought makes me sick. The apartments around here start at $1500/month for a 2 bedroom. We really could use 3. We also have a big dog, which limits us even more.

The only bright side to selling is we would have some money to bank from the sale. So, that's good.

UPDATE 2

thanks again for all your suggestions. We are going to talk with her about it tomorrow. My sister, who rents a room from her right now tried speaking with her about it, but she tried to blow her off and they ended up in a fight, which is usually what happens with my mother. The best solution here is this (selling doesn't work), she should rent hers out, then find a 2 bedroom to rent and continue to room with my sister. She can rent her house for twice the amount of the mortgage, maybe more. That would bring an extra $1000 or more a month for her. The problem is, she thinks renting is a huge waste and will try to refuse. I personally feel it's not such a waste if it WORKS for someone. In this case, it may be the only thing that will work. Selling will take month's, and money for some repairs on our house. She can't pay July's mortgage, how is putting the house up for sale gonna solve this crisis? We have a tight budget, we cannot and will not pay her bills when she is the one who got herself into this mess. We would help with her moving expenses if we needed, but that's only if she rents her house out so we don't have our own crisis.

Right now, she's trying to act as though she can scrape by, but she's literally charging all her bills right now. If she goes under, our life will be ripped apart. Her scraping by is not an option. It makes me angry to think she wants to keep doing this. It's selfish, we need security. So, Saturday we'll try to convince her why renting a small apt, and renting her house out is the only solution. I expect her to act like a raging bitch, so we're preparing.

by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 1:53 PM
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Replies (1-10):
christina122952
by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:00 PM
Can you envict her? Have you tired talking to her? I don't talk to my mom at all. I hope you figure it out.
trish2tew
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:02 PM
1 mom liked this

Start the legal eviction process and rent it out when she is out.

oliveoil423
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:02 PM
Tell her if you cant find a job move out and i can rent this house to someone that can pay for there bills and all.
veggiemom474
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:03 PM

I can't evict her, she is just as much an owner as I am, not a tenant. I have tried, I told her she needs to put her ego away and get a job. She got angry and refused.

Quoting christina122952: Can you envict her? Have you tired talking to her? I don't talk to my mom at all. I hope you figure it out.

 

OHgirlinCA
by Silver Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:03 PM
1 mom liked this

 I think your best options would be to either sell the house and go on your own or buy her out of the duplex you own together.  Then, she could either pay rent to you to stay, or move on and you can find new renters.

skrbelly
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Lawyer up.Find out what an attorney says. Maybe you can evict her and rent, maybe you can buy her out, maybe you can have her income attached so that it automatically gets deposited. Maybe you can change the terms of her tenancy so that she is a renter, then you can evict her. Maybe she can move in to your side and you can rent her's out?
whooperz
by New Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:04 PM
2 moms liked this
Call a lawyer
veggiemom474
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:04 PM

 She is half owner, her name is on the mortgage. I cannot evict her.

Quoting trish2tew:

Start the legal eviction process and rent it out when she is out.

 

trish2tew
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:06 PM

 Forgot reading that. I'm assuming 2-3 bedrooms on both sides of the duplex? Tell her to rent out a room or 2.

Quoting veggiemom474:

 She is half owner, her name is on the mortgage. I cannot evict her.

Quoting trish2tew:

Start the legal eviction process and rent it out when she is out.

 

 

rgba
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 2:06 PM
Yikes.
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