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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

Do you need to go through the whole adoption process if somebody willingly will sign a child over?

Posted by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 12:50 AM
  • 19 Replies

I know a 11 year old. Her parents died and the guy that adopted her neglect's her. She asked me if I can adopt her. She is in another state - Cousins neighbor. I have been married for 7 years and we have 3 kids. Would it be a huge hassle or a lot of money if this man is willing to just sign her over?

 

Thanks!

by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 12:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lilmama8408
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 1:42 AM
1 mom liked this
Is call a local lawyer and ask.
Was it a relative who adopted her or ? What kind of abuse/neglect? Is there proof?

I'd also contact a lawyer in their state because laws may be different
Malibudreamin
by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 1:43 AM

 

Quoting lilmama8408: Is call a local lawyer and ask. Was it a relative who adopted her or ? What kind of abuse/neglect? Is there proof? I'd also contact a lawyer in their state because laws may be different

 Not a relative adopted her. She is 11. 12 in Nov. He just doesnt watch her. She runs around day and night. She sleeps over at mens houses. ( around 30 yrs old ) She is in NY.

a_and_j_momma
by Gold Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 1:56 AM
I would talk to a lawyer. Maybe you can be a guardian vs going through an adoption process
adopteeme
by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 8:31 AM
Has anyone turned this man in for investigation of the neglect?
Her safety and well being should come first and foremost.
I hope this isn't one of those adoptee re-homing things.
SueUK
by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:10 AM

Poor kid :(

No advice other than talk to a professional

waytomanykids10
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:30 AM
We adopted my 9yo dd when she was 6. Her mother gave her to us with the papers filled out to give us the right to adopt her. We went to court and the judge signed them. We didn't need to do anything else. For us it was super easy but it could have just been because my husband is her half brother's biological father.
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Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Jun. 25, 2014 at 4:17 PM
Contact a lawyer.
ChelsieB416
by Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 6:50 PM
We just had to pay $900 for my husband to adopt my son since his biological dad never had anything to do with him. He willingly signed the paper agreeing to it but we still had to go through the adoption agency which I guess costs and pay the lawyer for I guess just typing up papers? It's expensive but it sounds like it would be well worth it. I would just contact a lawyer but be sure to call around to try to get the cheapest one.
MandMsWorld
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 8:45 PM

As an adoptive parent who adopted across state lines.... my best guess is you are looking at some money.

At the VERY least, I would expect you will need...

1)  A homestudy -

2) 2 attorneys, 1 in each state.    You'll have to go to pick her up.   You will need New York to give you permission to take her out of state, followed by a couple of days for your state  to give you permission to bring her there.    Usually 7 - 10 days.   I know families who have been done in 5 days, alot that have spent 2 weeks, and in 1 case, a family who had to stay in the sending state until finalization.    6 months.

My recommendations -

Talk to a social worker who works helping place older children.    You will want to know as MUCH AS POSSIBLE good and bad about this child before you proceed.   Even with the little you have posted that you know, you need to take classes so that you are prepared to deal with any issues that may (and probably will come up)    - do some research on RAD, ODD and the like.    I don't know how old your kids are, but  are also going to want to know if this child has any history of abuse (of any kind) to her or from her.  

Has she had grief counseling from losing her parents?    Because, really, that is a necessity and will ongoing.    I would also be really curious as to why and how the man who adopted her did?   

I agree with the PP who suggested you get CPS involved, but, do it letting them know that you are INTERESTED in adopting.   There is no guarantee that you will get to adopt her - your family may not be the right fit for HER, and in the process you might discover she is not the right fit for your family.   It happens.   The laws are in place for a reason.

3) you will need to know the laws of both states.

I hate to be a debiie downer, but I'm sorry - this stinks to high heaven.    You say you've been married 7 years and have 3 kids.   Assuming (and yes, I know what it means) that all 3 are younger than 7, if it were me, I'd pass.   No matter how sweet she may be.   You would be bringing a grief stricken, neglected, and pre-pubescent girl who doesn't know you into your home.    

Do what you want - but talk authorities and counselors and make sure you have the support she, you, and the rest of the family to try and make this work.    It could be beautiful.   Or a beautiful disaster - as the song goes....

ETA - I know this isn't the smoothest post, but, my kids were interupting me.   I usually would have waited to post, but I think this is so important.  

Just please, please, don't rush into this too fast.    You could be just what she needs.    But make sure you have the tools you need. to help her.   Because, she will need more than "just love".


ladyvamp5489
by Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 8:55 PM

My sister didnt have to, all they did was go to court and have the  parents sign over the kids and they were adopted. BUT CPS was involved so that might have helped. 

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