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I need help child visitation...

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2014 at 7:38 AM
  • 13 Replies
So long story short me and my ex hubs separated and he kept my child away from me for a year. I had to work my ass off to save $3000 dollars while also start completely over by getting a new car. A new house while taking care of my other 2 children. It took a year to do that and now a few months ago I was finally able to get divorced and I got joint custody and 50/50 time split between us. My son is now 2 and he has issues sometimes when I pick him up. He is usually a late sleeper so I suggested that I pick him up at a later time then 7 am so he is in a better mood but ex xlaims its not possiable with his and his parents work schedule whrn i go to get him sometimes he insist in going back to bed and screams to go back to bed to sleep with his papaw (ex hubs lives with parents) and he is hesitant to always go with me. So we often have to switch days. I feel like finally after leaving hubs I have a new start I recently got engaged and I'm going to school. I always try to do something special with my son like take him out to water parks or spend the day out on the boat. Etc. I feel like I'm trying my best to do everything I possibly can and he is never going to want me. Once he is here he is fine. I am just do upset that ex hubs has caused such a relationship issue between me and my son. My fiancé tells me he is just being a 2 year old and clinging to one parent. Sometimes I feel it's never going to get better. Idk I guess I needed to vent...I'm just at a loss about what to do. And consistently going to get my son and him refusing to go with me is ripping me apart....
by on Jul. 2, 2014 at 7:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
booaura
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 7:51 AM
5 moms liked this
He spent a year without you, and since he's just two, he may not remember you well, if at all. He knows his father. His reactions, while painful for you, are normal and to be expected. If I understand the timeline right, you are basically a stranger to him. Give him time. It won't happen overnight, but if you show you are upset or frustrated, that will just extend the amount of time it takes to get him to trust you. Instead of doing 'special' things, just spend time at home, just the two of you, getting to know each other. Also, don't let him see any resentment towards his father, that will just alienate him more.
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beans13
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 8:08 AM
4 moms liked this
Don't switch days for anyone else's convenience, he lives with you 1/2 time. This is not visitation. Own it. It will get better. It takes time. Just carry on normal routines while he is there.
amberNewman0213
by Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 8:32 AM
I do carry on normal routines. He don't have a routine at his dads. He goes to bed when he wants. Sleeps when he wants etc. I just sometimes have to switch days. I mean he is hysterically crying about wanting to go back to sleep or not wanting to go. When it's not early he does okay.

Quoting beans13: Don't switch days for anyone else's convenience, he lives with you 1/2 time. This is not visitation. Own it. It will get better. It takes time. Just carry on normal routines while he is there.
beans13
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 8:43 AM
3 moms liked this
Don't let the hysterics get to you. Just take him. He will eventually calm down. I know it must be hard to see him that upset but the best thing you can do for him is at least establish routine on your end. Eventually he will be happy to go. Even if he is still tired, let him fall beck to sleep with you.

Quoting amberNewman0213: I do carry on normal routines. He don't have a routine at his dads. He goes to bed when he wants. Sleeps when he wants etc. I just sometimes have to switch days. I mean he is hysterically crying about wanting to go back to sleep or not wanting to go. When it's not early he does okay.

Quoting beans13: Don't switch days for anyone else's convenience, he lives with you 1/2 time. This is not visitation. Own it. It will get better. It takes time. Just carry on normal routines while he is there.
mommy2boys03
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 11:33 AM

I don't have custody issue but just to let you know my youngest for the longest time would not want to be left with my dh and my dh swore that my youngest didn't love him.  He was just more attached to me.  This past year he joined tiger cubs and my husband was the one to take him.  Now they have bonded.  Just give it some time it will get better I promise you.  Maybe for awhile plan something special for the two of you to do when you pick him up if time permits before you have to go to work.  This way he has something to look forward to.  It doesn't have to be big just make sure it's something you can do everytime.

xoch86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 11:48 PM

Dont let it get to you. He was without you for a year. If he says he wants to go back to sleep, tell him ok, fall asleep in the car. When you get home you can go back to sleep. If he screaming an whailing, le thim. HE doesn't not run the show. He is 2, tired, and cranky... If course he's going to scream. Take him anyway. Show him consistency. Trading days is only going to make you look bad. If anything, he need MORE time with you, to get use to you.. 

Like a PP said, you are a stranger right now.. You need to show him that YOU are mommy, and he HAS to come. He'll come around..

Quoting amberNewman0213: I do carry on normal routines. He don't have a routine at his dads. He goes to bed when he wants. Sleeps when he wants etc. I just sometimes have to switch days. I mean he is hysterically crying about wanting to go back to sleep or not wanting to go. When it's not early he does okay.
Quoting beans13: Don't switch days for anyone else's convenience, he lives with you 1/2 time. This is not visitation. Own it. It will get better. It takes time. Just carry on normal routines while he is there.


JjcH0911
by Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 11:57 PM
My sisters child is a 50/50 split he is 3. He cries when leaving daddy, he cries when leaving mommy. Now that he's 3.5 he just hesitates not cries unless one of them punish him/etc
I think your son is just doing it because going back n forth is hard, I doubt it has anything to do with the year away. Kids attention spands are small at that age.
brieri
by on Jul. 4, 2014 at 12:14 AM

 Ask  dad if there is a special toy or stuffed animal, blanket he can bring with him so he can play or sleep in the car on the way to your house.  or buy something for him to keep in the car for him - let him pick it out. tell your son he can sleep in the car and take a nap at your house.  Don't switch days that just confuses him more.  He hasn't seen you in over a year. Give him a picture of you to take home so he can see you during the days your not with him.   I kind of know the feeling your going through, my kids haven't seen me in over 13 yrs and just wondering what that day will be like if they ever do see me.

erinsmom1964
by Gold Member on Jul. 4, 2014 at 12:40 PM
How bout instead of focusing on how you feel put yourself in your babies place. All he knows us you abandoned him and for all intents and purposes you are a stranger not necessarily to be trusted. Doesn't matter why that's all he knows and being so young he can't understand the intricacies of the situation. So instead of feeling sorry for yourself think f how he feels and just be there. ..be caring...be thoughtful and focus on him instead of your feelings.
cupcake_mom
by Bronze Member on Jul. 4, 2014 at 12:43 PM
Why haven't they seen you in 13 years?

Quoting brieri:

 Ask  dad if there is a special toy or stuffed animal, blanket he can bring with him so he can play or sleep in the car on the way to your house.  or buy something for him to keep in the car for him - let him pick it out. tell your son he can sleep in the car and take a nap at your house.  Don't switch days that just confuses him more.  He hasn't seen you in over a year. Give him a picture of you to take home so he can see you during the days your not with him.   I kind of know the feeling your going through, my kids haven't seen me in over 13 yrs and just wondering what that day will be like if they ever do see me.

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