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patience...

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 1:40 AM
  • 6 Replies
Im a new mom of a 7yr old boy. Its been almost a year. My patience is not what it was week one. :( I feel like a nag... and I have raised my voice more than I care to admit. I feel so aweful. I try asking nicely.. in what I call the mr Rogers tone... SEVERAL times. I have done what his therapist recommend and explain WHY im needing him to do what I ask. But he still pushes boundaries. Its not a rude NO he responds with.. he will whine and say he doesn't want to.. or he "cant" i am encouraging.. but he is stubborn and because of simple tasks like tooth brushing, i run late and end up yelling. Then he does it quickly. I feel like i let him down when i yell. Please help!!!!!a
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 1:40 AM
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a_and_j_momma
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:00 AM
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Honestly, it hasn't been that long and is a big transition for him. You can't expect to fix everything in the first year. You also need to realize that he has many conflicting emotions he is dealing with. You should really talk to his therapist
a_and_j_momma
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:01 AM
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Oh, establish a routine and stick to it. Ask the therapist a new way to approach it if your current methods aren't working
perkie13jjj
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:10 AM
2 moms liked this
I have asked her.. we even had an appt today. :) she is very insistent on explaining the "why".. We try to be very routine. But I do think we could improve in that area. Reading your post reminded me of thw fact it hasn't been that long. I think I needed to see/hear that outside view. And he does have a lot swimming in hos head for sure. Its just so hard when he pushed the envelope and will not brush teeth or put his shoes on bc we are running late. I can say you need to get this done so we can leave the house and not be late but then he just continues to say "he cant"... almost as if to stall. Nice told this to his therapist but not a lot of tips from her in that area :(
a_and_j_momma
by Platinum Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 9:44 AM
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It may be a control thing. Not that he is thinking in his head he wants to control you or the situation. He didn't have a lot of structure before you and no control of what happened to him or where he went. It may get better by changing the wording of things like "do you want to brush your teeth first or get dressed" as an example

Quoting perkie13jjj: I have asked her.. we even had an appt today. :) she is very insistent on explaining the "why".. We try to be very routine. But I do think we could improve in that area. Reading your post reminded me of thw fact it hasn't been that long. I think I needed to see/hear that outside view. And he does have a lot swimming in hos head for sure. Its just so hard when he pushed the envelope and will not brush teeth or put his shoes on bc we are running late. I can say you need to get this done so we can leave the house and not be late but then he just continues to say "he cant"... almost as if to stall. Nice told this to his therapist but not a lot of tips from her in that area :(
harmony7
by Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 10:06 AM
1 mom liked this

 As a mom of 10....first I want to say if I had it to do over again I would NEVER EVER explain the why....my kids turned it into a discussion...I understand why if they need to ask me as teens for a discussion but that is not what it led too...it became a debate...I must be explaining why so they can present their side...Horrible Habit!

I also have three boys adopted older from foster care four years ago...the second year is the WORST...he is testing bounds...and he needs to know you are in control to feel safe...you dont have to yell but stop telling him more than once..if he is in front of the TV and you ask him to take the trash out...dont ask again..turn the TV off and then remind him to take the trash out now..this is not a negotiation. It is life, the boss or teacher does not give them options to think about the job they need to do, the consequences of not doing it are clear.

Give him clear consequences for not doing, stop debating and walk away when he whines. If he plays the you dont like me no body does card...smile sweetly and say no matter what you think I love you dearly...enough to help you understand life is full of have toos.

 

Pam in Alabama
A Mom to nine sons and one daughter with five still at home
perkie13jjj
by on Jul. 26, 2014 at 1:06 AM
Thank you guys!!! It's stress reliever to see new approaches, and hear these things! Rejuvenation! !!
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