Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do we explain so she won't feel left out

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 1:23 PM
  • 10 Replies
Ok so here is my question how can we explain to our little one that daddy and I need a date night just the two of us without making my step daughter feel left out we have been so busy lately , with birthday party's and doing all kinds of kid stuff with my step daughter and on Sunday him and her and his parents are going to st louis to visit family and I have to stay home because I just started school and they needed someone to watch the animals..... anyways I really want to go on a date just him and I to see a movie or even just go get some ice cream we have the full custody of his daughter and I love her to death but I don't feel like him and I have had very much time just us. Him and I have gone on one date while we had her and when we did we got home to find that she did nothing but cry and was heartbroken that we didn't take her. How can we explain it so that she will understand and not be hurt that we need a little date just us to talk and so we don't hurt her. It's hard because they will be gone for 7 days and I feel like I just need that little date before they leave to be okay I'm very emotional about them leaving we never go more then 2 days without being with each other and our little one so it's hard letting them go and I kinda just feel like I am not asking a lot for a date just him and I since we are always doing all kid things and always with his daughter.

I feel like it makes me a bad person to ask but we really need it.
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 1:23 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mem82
by Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:21 PM

Just say you need mommy daddy time. It's a date. Have a special snack waiting for whoever is watching her and then leave. If you make a big deal out of explaining it, she'll make a big deal of it.

Kvellasklv
by New Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:34 PM
That's what we did the first time and she had a melt down for the longest time it was just him and her and when I say longest it was like 3 yrs or something like that and we have been trying to leave here for a few minutes here and there with his parents and a few times with my parents but she even melts down a little bit then so it is hard and she is going to be 8 and we where thinking if there is a way to explain it that maybe she will understand
LoveMyBoyK
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 2:40 PM
I dunno, I guess I would tell her she is a big girl now and is old enough to undertand that there are places that only Mommy and Daddys can go and they like to do that every now and again. Maybe compare it to a place she was not able to go (or able to do) when she was little and remind her how excited she was when she was finally old enough to go/do. Tell her Mommy and Daddy have placesike that they like to go but have not because she was not old enough to atay with a babysitter while you did andnthen keep stressing she is a BIG girl now and is ABLE to jave fun with a babysitter and allow Mommy and Daddy time to go to grown up places now. My kid is 4 so I may be way off base but it sounds like a possibility anyhow.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LMMommy14
by New Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 3:45 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry, but she will get over it! Why do you need to explain anything? If she wants to know why you say "Because mommy and daddy need some grown up time together" The end. By you guys making a big deal about it, it will make her have a big deal about it. Your relationship is important too. I doubt when she's 15/16 she will say "Remember that time I was 8 and you went on a 3 hour date night? Well I am emotionally scarred from it". She will be fine. She will move on and forget all about it. 

rockinmomto2
by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 3:56 PM
2 moms liked this

Stop coddling her. Seriously. She's old enough to understand that mommies and daddies need time away from their kids. 

a_and_j_momma
by Platinum Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 2:23 AM
I wouldn't explain anything other than you two are going out and you love her
beadingmom17
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 2:25 AM
Bingo!

Quoting LMMommy14:

I'm sorry, but she will get over it! Why do you need to explain anything? If she wants to know why you say "Because mommy and daddy need some grown up time together" The end. By you guys making a big deal about it, it will make her have a big deal about it. Your relationship is important too. I doubt when she's 15/16 she will say "Remember that time I was 8 and you went on a 3 hour date night? Well I am emotionally scarred from it". She will be fine. She will move on and forget all about it. 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
BrutalTruth
by on Jul. 26, 2014 at 2:25 AM
Why do you need to explain anything? Just go, she needs to learn that you two need time away from your kids. Sheesh.
DanaG70
by Bronze Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 2:30 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree with not explaining to her. She's old enough to know that she's not always going to get to do what other people get to do. If she has a melt down over it, she'll either learn, or she'll be miserable the whole time.

Moxiesbuddy
by on Jul. 28, 2014 at 2:01 PM

That has to be hard, Kvell. It sounds like your SD is rather jealous of your time with her dad, and has a hard time being left with other family members. Can you explain that each of you will have dates with each other, and that her turn will come around? Sometimes, promising to bring back a treat will work (fortune cookies, a dessert, etc.?) She may just need to be reminded how much she's loved and that others want to spend time with her too.

Hope this helps!

 Moxiesbuddy

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)