I have been in a serious relationship for 12 years with two kids a house, two dogs everything I ever wanted. I worked hard put myself through college and was 100 percent about my family.
..On my youngest sons birthday I went to bed like any other night and woke up and my life had changed as I knew it. My fiance had left me in the middle of the night and I woke up to a phone call from his best friend saying, He left with his wife. To make a long story short since we were not married the kids and I moved in with family, and I am struggling.
I don't blame myself but, I often wonder where did I go wrong? I worked full time, I went to college and am now in Grad school, I took great care of him and the kids and our house was always clean.. Now I am learning he is a cheater and has been for years but I have so much anger toward him and her I focus to much on the situation. I still miss and love him!
I see a counselor and work with my doctor ( I have lost 55 pounds). Yet, I am scared! I feel like I lost so much for no reason and its hard to let go. I take good care of the kids and am doing the necessary things to provide for them.
Its been 5 months and there dad comes around and sees kids on a visitation I have set. I have to admit he never left the kids just me. And that hurts ALOT! Now he has moved in with his friends wife and three kids and its hard letting our children go there knowing they play house with OUR kids. I feel this is to much on the kids at one time to adjust to. I put my oldest in counseling as well to try and help with the transition. This started actually since he left, he took kids places where they would "accidentally" run into his friends wife.
I guess what I am asking is how do you let go of 12 years? How do you adjust to being a single mom? I am 30 and I know I am young and done good for myself but I m struggling with this. I find myself just wanting to run back and beg ( which I have not done) to just fix everything. I miss my family!! I miss my life! I know I may sound pitiful to some but in all honesty I lost myself in the relationship. I cared for my kids and him so much I forgot to care for myself. And now that my whole life has changed I dont know what peice to pick up first and start with.? I question my ability to be alone to raise two boys alone? I want to just turn the emotion off!! I gave everything we were planning our wedding and this women was with me and my kids going to the zoo just last year. In my life I have NEVER experienced so much hurt, so much crulity and decet. He told me I was the Hoe and thats why I couldnt be his wife (WHAT)??
I know I am not the first nor will I be the last to have this experience sadley but, any advice would help. As of now we wrote up a child support agreement to stay out of court and I give him visitation. He bribs the kids with money and taking them on trips things he never did before. I finally quite crying and now and trying to move forward. As a NEW me a single mom and student with only two semesters left. It still dont take away the pain. We had a family goals dreams, how do you change that? I have been very civil and have not reacted to him or her. I just want to let go..How do I let go