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Went to Bed Engaged woke up Single "Advice"

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 11:27 PM
  • 66 Replies

I have been in a serious relationship for 12 years with two kids a house, two dogs everything I ever wanted. I worked hard put myself through college and was 100 percent about my family. 

..On my youngest sons birthday I went to bed like any other night and woke up and my life had changed as I knew it. My fiance had left me in the middle of the night and I woke up to a phone call from his best friend saying, He left with his wife. To make a long story short since we were not married the kids and I moved in with family, and I am struggling.

I don't blame myself but, I often wonder where did I go wrong? I worked full time, I went to college and am now in Grad school, I took great care of him and the kids and our house was always clean.. Now I am learning he is a cheater and has been for years but I have so much anger toward him and her I focus to much on the situation. I still miss and love him! 

I see a counselor and work with my doctor ( I have lost 55 pounds). Yet, I am scared! I feel like I lost so much for no reason and its hard to let go. I take good care of the kids and am doing the necessary things to provide for them.

Its been 5 months and there dad comes around and sees kids on a visitation I have set. I have to admit he never left the kids just me. And that hurts ALOT! Now he has moved in with his friends wife and three kids and its hard letting our children go there knowing they play house with OUR kids. I feel this is to much on the kids at one time to adjust to. I put my oldest in counseling as well to try and help with the transition. This started actually since he left, he took kids places where they would "accidentally" run into his friends wife. 

I guess what I am asking is how do you let go of 12 years? How do you adjust to being a single mom? I am 30 and I know I am young and done good for myself but I m struggling with this. I find myself just wanting to run back and beg ( which I have not done) to just fix everything. I miss my family!! I miss my life! I know I may sound pitiful to some but in all honesty I lost myself in the relationship. I cared for my kids and him so much I forgot to care for myself. And now that my whole life has changed I dont know what peice to pick up first and start with.? I question my ability to be alone to raise two boys alone? I want to just turn the emotion off!! I gave everything we were planning our wedding and this women was with me and my kids going to the zoo just last year. In my life I have NEVER experienced so much hurt, so much crulity and decet. He told me I was the Hoe and thats why I couldnt be his wife (WHAT)??

I know I am not the first nor will I be the last to have this experience sadley but, any advice would help. As of now we wrote up a child support agreement to stay out of court and I give him visitation. He bribs the kids with money and taking them on trips things he never did before. I finally quite crying and now and trying to move forward. As a NEW me a single mom and student with only two semesters left. It still dont take away the pain. We had a family goals dreams, how do you change that? I have been very civil and have not reacted to him or her. I just want to let go..How do I let go 

by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 11:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sassy71
by New Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 11:48 PM
1 mom liked this

 hugsim sorry I don't know what to say, I went thru something similar to your situation, all I can say is, it does get better n karma will bite him in the a**. If u need to talk or just wanna vent u can pm me. Take care of u and know that u did nothing wrong.

mjhunter
by New Member on Jul. 25, 2014 at 11:50 PM
1 mom liked this
There is a grieving process. I recently went through a divorce and it was like a funeral to me. The only difference is no one comes to comfort you. I don't know what the answer is to your question, but you just keep on living and let yourself grieve when you need to.
P.Miller82403
by Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 12:03 AM
1 mom liked this


Quoting sassy71:

 hugsim sorry I don't know what to say, I went thru something similar to your situation, all I can say is, it does get better n karma will bite him in the a**. If u need to talk or just wanna vent u can pm me. Take care of u and know that u did nothing wrong.

Sorry tried to reply and did not go though. Thanks, I hope you are right and there is a such thing as Karma because as of right now seems hes rolling high and Im just left overs ..smh..

P.Miller82403
by Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 12:06 AM


Quoting mjhunter: There is a grieving process. I recently went through a divorce and it was like a funeral to me. The only difference is no one comes to comfort you. I don't know what the answer is to your question, but you just keep on living and let yourself grieve when you need to.

How long did it take you? Are you still grieving? I have been told that before I just want this process to end!

sassy71
by New Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 12:08 AM


Quoting P.Miller82403:


Quoting sassy71:

 hugsim sorry I don't know what to say, I went thru something similar to your situation, all I can say is, it does get better n karma will bite him in the a**. If u need to talk or just wanna vent u can pm me. Take care of u and know that u did nothing wrong.

Sorry tried to reply and did not go though. Thanks, I hope you are right and there is a such thing as Karma because as of right now seems hes rolling high and Im just left overs ..smh..

I know the feeling...I was left with tons of debt he got a new car, new girlfriend and she paid for the divorce which made my self esteem drop even lower but I survived and now I see him struggling,drinking more than he was and he was already and alcoholic and not being happy where he's at.

mjhunter
by New Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 12:12 AM
I have good and bad days. We separated in October. The divorce was final in June. I had a panic attack the weekend following. I thought there would be a relief that it was over but I was just sad. I got everything that I wanted financially in the divorce, but I no longer had my complete family. I can't imagine going through all of that while planning my wedding. In a way you're going through a divorce without all the legal aaspects that slow the process down.

Quoting P.Miller82403:

Quoting mjhunter: There is a grieving process. I recently went through a divorce and it was like a funeral to me. The only difference is no one comes to comfort you. I don't know what the answer is to your question, but you just keep on living and let yourself grieve when you need to.

How long did it take you? Are you still grieving? I have been told that before I just want this process to end!

P.Miller82403
by Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 12:17 AM


Quoting mjhunter: I have good and bad days. We separated in October. The divorce was final in June. I had a panic attack the weekend following. I thought there would be a relief that it was over but I was just sad. I got everything that I wanted financially in the divorce, but I no longer had my complete family. I can't imagine going through all of that while planning my wedding. In a way you're going through a divorce without all the legal aaspects that slow the process down.
Quoting P.Miller82403:


Quoting mjhunter: There is a grieving process. I recently went through a divorce and it was like a funeral to me. The only difference is no one comes to comfort you. I don't know what the answer is to your question, but you just keep on living and let yourself grieve when you need to.

How long did it take you? Are you still grieving? I have been told that before I just want this process to end!

I see..yeah because this happened before we were married I got nothing even though we were together 12 years.. i don't mind the things as much but I have had panic attacks and its almost a dream. I cant believe it! He left me and our kids and got a place and move her and her kids in??? Its a mess to get over with so much happening. 

P.Miller82403
by Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 12:19 AM


Quoting sassy71:

Quoting P.Miller82403:


Quoting sassy71:

 hugsim sorry I don't know what to say, I went thru something similar to your situation, all I can say is, it does get better n karma will bite him in the a**. If u need to talk or just wanna vent u can pm me. Take care of u and know that u did nothing wrong.

Sorry tried to reply and did not go though. Thanks, I hope you are right and there is a such thing as Karma because as of right now seems hes rolling high and Im just left overs ..smh..

I know the feeling...I was left with tons of debt he got a new car, new girlfriend and she paid for the divorce which made my self esteem drop even lower but I survived and now I see him struggling,drinking more than he was and he was already and alcoholic and not being happy where he's at.

I know he is unhappy with himself he has been for a long time. I know I will look back on this later and ask myself what was I thinking but for now I just wish i could do somthing to make it easier...Thanks

Mrs.Urquhart
by on Jul. 26, 2014 at 12:21 AM
This exactly. It will take years to fully move on. And even if you find someone new soon, you'll still have times of sadness for what was lost.

Quoting mjhunter: There is a grieving process. I recently went through a divorce and it was like a funeral to me. The only difference is no one comes to comfort you. I don't know what the answer is to your question, but you just keep on living and let yourself grieve when you need to.
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P.Miller82403
by Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 12:26 AM


Quoting Mrs.Urquhart: This exactly. It will take years to fully move on. And even if you find someone new soon, you'll still have times of sadness for what was lost.
Quoting mjhunter: There is a grieving process. I recently went through a divorce and it was like a funeral to me. The only difference is no one comes to comfort you. I don't know what the answer is to your question, but you just keep on living and let yourself grieve when you need to.

What I want someone to tell me is so I can understand REALLY is how someone walks away from everything?? With out any feelings? He seems fine and her she was married and with her husband since high school and she too seems like its a happy world...all in the while me her husband and kids hurt...Is that real can someone leave like that and have not a care in the world for another person after over 10 years?

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