Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

not sure I am doing the right thing (kinda long)

Posted by on Jul. 27, 2014 at 7:27 PM
  • 9 Replies
Last Tues, ds(4)' s principle brought DH and I aside when we went to pick him up from aftercare. She said he is making bad choices (he was with us so she was talking to him, too) by running off into the hall when his teacher would call him, not wanting to do his journal and name writing in the morning and having to be constantly redirected to the task, throwing tantrums when things arw frustrating for him and giving up instead of trying again, etc...She said he is very smart and she sees great leadership potential in him IF we can nip this in the bud now.

Her suggestion was to take everything away from him ... all his toys, stuffed animals, electronics... until he earns them back by making better choices in school. She also said he needed to go home and practice his letters, read a couple books (well, listen to us read) and then go right to bed. So we did that. And he earned back a train on Thurs but she advised us not to give anything else back until he is consistant in making good choices. We have kinda gone along with that except that he does have TV privledges back. We also gave him a time - told him he will get everything back on Wed night IF he makes good choices.

My problems are as follows: 1. His teacher does not seem as concerned as the principal and, while she did send reports Wed and Thurs, she did not send anything Fri. I did not want to continually add punishment for the orriginal offense (and assumed he did well Fri since she did not say he did anything) so we allowed him to go to a bounce house and have fun this weekend, though he still does not get his toys or electronics (save the TV in the evening) back. It also seems really harsh to take ALL his toys. On the other hand, it sort of seems to maybe be working. I just do not know what to do come Wed.

So what say you? Was the principal's direction too harsh? Any ideas for anything else we can try yo help him co trol his emotions (frustration and anger, mostly)? Thanks in advance for any help!!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Jul. 27, 2014 at 7:27 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
by Member on Jul. 27, 2014 at 7:31 PM
I think that you should punish/discipline according to what you feel is best. If you don't feel you should take ALL of the toys, don't. You and dh need to sit down and talk about what you should do.
by Silver Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 12:39 PM

I assume this was a first offense?  If so, yes, I feel that punishment is much too harsh, especially for a 4 year old!

by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 12:44 PM

 I think you should take him to his doctor and see if he is AD/HD.  It sounds like he has proablems concentrating.

by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 12:50 PM
So, when he does something at home, do you go in and tell them how he should be disciplined at school?

I would be very uncomfortable with a principal who is that harsh on a kid.
by Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 12:51 PM

 What?  No, he doesn't have ADHD, he's 4.  Stop it.

And OP, I think that school is like Vegas - what happens at school stays at school and what happens at home stays at home.  If he misbehaving at home, would you ask them to punish at school?  I highly doubt it.  You handle that at home.  Same at school.  That teacher needs to get a handle on things and help your child adapt to how things are done AT SCHOOL.  That's her job.  And at 4, they are just getting used to routines, and following along, and repeating tasks.....they are LEARNING those things - some kids pick that stuff up quickly, some just don't.  Some kids need more time, more direction, more encouragement.  But damn, he's only 4 - take away ALL of his toys because he didn't want to write his name at school?  That's over and above harsh - that's just over-kill.  I wouldn't think, at 4, that he would be able to put all that together. 

Give him his toys back, set expectations at home and at school, and get on with him just being a little boy. 

Quoting PogoPalOj:

 I think you should take him to his doctor and see if he is AD/HD.  It sounds like he has proablems concentrating.


by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 12:54 PM
I personally agree with the punishment. School is a childs job and they need to learn how to behave accordingly. However, i am the parent and i will punish my child how i see fit. Not according to what someone else tells me i need to do. If you dont agree with it, then dont do it. You need to find something that works for you, and your child.
by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:02 PM

First you said your son is 4, right?

I would thank the principal and remind him that this is your son.  The way he speaks and suggest it seems that your child should be in jail.  HELLO!!  How many children have the principal raised?

The only advice I would agree is to help your child at home practice his letter and read at home. This is helpful. 

Other than that, I'd ignore the principal and do what your doing with your son.  Your son can be bored at school.  My best bet is to asked your child's doctor.  I know I use to go to her for help.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:04 PM
Thank you all for your advice!! We did some of it but tempered it with what we thought was more fair. It has actually worked wonders and we are hopeful his improved behavior will continue:)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by Gold Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 1:16 PM

Ok, I see SEVERAL issues with this and would really start looking for a different situation for aftercare.  1.) Um...he's 4!  He is acting like a 4 year old. They aren't meant to sit for extended periods of time and follow instructions.  At 4, they still learn mostly through play.  2.) A school is "telling you" how to discipline YOUR child.  O.o  NOPE.  Wouldn't happen.  Not at the age of 4.  3.) No WAY would I punish my child at home for what is happening at school.  An older child, sure.  One who knows what is expected of him and knows that he is to control himself while in a school setting.  But again...NOT at the age of 4.  If he is having an issue at SCHOOL, then the SCHOOL needs to discipline him there.  You don't take that home.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)