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Advice for Moms Advice for Moms

11-year-old refuses to do as she's asked

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2014 at 4:16 PM
  • 51 Replies

I want to know if I'm the only parent going through this. Am I alone in having my 11-year-old daughter blatently refusing to do as she's asked. I'm not expecting her to sweep and mop the floors (at least not yet anyway, LOL), but general things, like picking up her bedroom, putting things away (i.e., milk after pouring herself a glass), not keeping food/dishes in her bedroom (which attracts bugs, of course), talking to me with respect, making sure she has towels BEFORE she takes a shower. Things like that. Please let me know if I'm the ONLY parent going through this or not. Thank you!

Donna

by on Jul. 31, 2014 at 4:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
oliveoil423
by Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 4:42 PM
My parents are going through it with my brother and hes 19. He leaves the dish in his room for so long leaves empty pop can and bottles in room doesnt clean his room before doing anything etc. And my parents have to keep on him about it.
a_and_j_momma
by Gold Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 4:45 PM
What punishments have you tried?
melaniecerise
by Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 4:46 PM

My son is 7 and he is at the point where he tells me "i'm not really feeling like it" or  "i'm not in the mood." It drives me insane. I tell him he doesn't have a choice and he is part of the family and needs to do his part. I tell him if he doesn't like it then he can leave. It is a struggle, but you have to try many things and what doesn't work one day might work the next or vice versa.

heathermom4
by New Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 4:48 PM
I have the same problem it started when my daughter was 10 she is 12 now an its getting better now. Hang in there just wait till she rolls her eyes at you.
KenneMaw
by Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 5:00 PM

You are not the only one.  SO many think the terrible 2s are the only bad stage, but pre-teen is tough.  Just like toddlers,  tweens are caught between being a kid and teen.  They want independence and may rebel, but then they will act childlike and need 'mommy'.    All I can say is just state consisten with her.

waytomanykids10
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 5:08 PM
5 moms liked this

 My kids learned really quick to pick up their room when I asked them to. My 12yo one day decided he was to grown up to listen and clean his room. He ended up standing in the doorway and watched me clean it. By the time I was done he had a bed and dresser left in his room.

Starlit_Eyes
by Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 5:25 PM

clapping i was just thinking - leave em with the bare essentails! 

Quoting waytomanykids10:

 My kids learned really quick to pick up their room when I asked them to. My 12yo one day decided he was to grown up to listen and clean his room. He ended up standing in the doorway and watched me clean it. By the time I was done he had a bed and dresser left in his room.


SassyMom25
by on Jul. 31, 2014 at 5:38 PM

 

Quoting Donna1:

I want to know if I'm the only parent going through this. Am I alone in having my 11-year-old daughter blatently refusing to do as she's asked. I'm not expecting her to sweep and mop the floors (at least not yet anyway, LOL), but general things, like picking up her bedroom, putting things away (i.e., milk after pouring herself a glass), not keeping food/dishes in her bedroom (which attracts bugs, of course), talking to me with respect, making sure she has towels BEFORE she takes a shower. Things like that. Please let me know if I'm the ONLY parent going through this or not. Thank you!

Not really, but natural consequences can go a long way.

countrygirlkat
by Kathleen on Aug. 1, 2014 at 12:38 AM

I believe she is testing her limits and her boundries.  Kids sometimes do this multiple times over the years and each time are testing for response and guidance from parents.  I would seek out cause and effect type punishments.  If she doesn't clean her room take all her things away and put them into storage until she can learn to keep a tidy space.  If she doesn't put food away she isn't allowed to get food without you getting it for her much like when she was little.  If she is leaving dishes in her bedroom the only place she is allowed to eat anything is the kitchen table.  If she doesn't get a towel she walks to her room to get dressed naked, etc. 

buttersworth
by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2014 at 12:56 AM

No you are not the only one. Mine will be 14 in one month and this behavior has been ongoing since she was about the same age as yours'. I've been told by age 16 it gets better.

Mine should be a lawyer. She only lets me finish half a sentence, tries to negotiate the smallest issues, utterly attacks my character (often upon my own half sentences), and generally adds much stress to our home. Additionally, I have a husband who has no practical parenting in his bones, who she can easilly manipulate (and she does) to thinking her way. What I come out with is a bratty girl who bashes me constantly and gets her father to side with her in conflicts.

Yeah, it's that bad. I hope your's isn't that bad. I've been super stressed out for a couple years.

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