EDIT PLEASE READ DD is really hurt, she was left out of her BFF's birthday, and her mom doesn't care.
My 10 Yr old DD is best friend's with my, I guess you can call her former friend/now acquaintance's DD. They met back in pre school, and her DD has been like part of our family ever since. Her mom was a single parent until last year, so I did A LOT of hosting her DD at our house to help her, and because our daughter's get along so well. She's been to every birthday party my DD's had since they met. During the school year, she's at our house 5 to 6 days a week, many times eating dinner over. My DD is not invited to her house too often. Once in a while at most. I think it's crappy, but I pick up the slack for the kid's sake.
This past week was my DD's friend's birthday. Her mom made plans to bring her to a small amusement park for the day. She does this every year, and has only invited my DD to go once, last year. But the timing was off because she didn't giuve us enough notice, so she couldn't go. Not to mention her mom warned me her and her friend smoke all the there and back in the car. So I wasn't too upset she couldn't go.
Well, this year my DD is older, and is noticing more. She was never invited to go, or invited for any birthday celebration whatsoever. She feels really hurt and left out. She was very very upset last night, and seemed confused why she was left out. Without me knowing she sent her friend a sarcastic text saying "thanks for inviting me, I really appreciate it"
This morning I text her mom letting her know how upset my DD is, and asking to explain why she wasn't invited. She responded that she went to the land of make believe with her best friend and her daughters. I assume there was no room in the car. But she totally blew me off by complaining about the nasty text my DD sent her. I explained I had no idea, and I would speak with her about that, it wasn't nice.
But she continued to blow off the part where my DD was not invited to any of her birthday. We took her DD to the Liberty Science Center last year, and she slept over the entire weekend. OF COURSE my DD expected to be invited. OR, at the very least, have a separate little party for the 2 of them. SOMETHING! We ended this conversation with her mentioning her sister being in the hospital. So she basically blew me off with that.
I am so upset right now I can't even think straight. I spoke with my DD about the nasty text she sent her friend, and explained it really isn't something to be mad at her for, it's her mother who planned the whole thing. Was this whole thing completely cold and mean?! How could she do that to a 10 yr old? Her DD spends so much time at our house, we joke she's like a step child to us.
So, many people don't have the full grasp of the situation. But I did get some insight reading responses.
I agree to a certain extent that it's not a good idea to enforce the feeling, my DD should expect to be invited.
I personally have experienced some really selfish friendships. I have gone out of my way, and been there for people during the worst times in their lives. I tried to not expect anything back. I really did just do those things out of the kindness of my heart, not to expect anything in return. But that gets old. I don't want my DD to follow in my foot steps. Maybe I projected those feelings onto her, because I'm more insulted by her mom, who I feel has taken advantage thru the yrs. Whether or not she likes me as a person, I don't want it trickling down to my DD.
To say she's an entitled brat is a little crazy. She was hurt, and still learning how to deal with those feelings in a more positive way. So I didn't endorse it when I found out what she text her. She's already apologized for that. She is a sweet and caring child, she went shopping and picked out a present, then found out she went away for her birthday without her. She was hurt, what child wouldn't be.
Next time, I won't make a big deal in front of her. But I fully believe after all the countless times we've had her DD over, and many birthdays she's been invited to, her mom could have done something, not completely ignore her, like she did.