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I really need some help!

Posted by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:51 AM
  • 27 Replies

So, this morning's tantrum from my 4 year-old DS, revolved around a pair of soaking wet underwear. He peed the bed again, and refused to change them. I tried everything to get him to put some clean, dry undies on, but he refused everything. Finally, he did put some new undies on and it's like his mood changed immediately. We go through this about twice a week over him changing his underwear. I've tried to explain that if he leaves them on, he could get owies on his pee-pee. He doesn't care. He will fight me tooth and nail over this issue. The moment you say, "Please go change into some clean underwear" all hell breaks loose. Small things upset him. If his brother sits in HIS carseat, he will throw a tantrum the entire time we are in the car, until he gets his carseat back. Both carseats are almost exactly the same. I'm losing my mind and really struggling with my 4 year-old! So, my questions are:

1) Is this behavior normal? Does anyone elses little ones throw a tantrum over these kinds of things? We do have him on a reward system where if he behaves and does his chores, he earns coins that he can later use to purchase toys and treats from our little "store". He does get the concept of this and it works maybe half the time. Just when he gets into his little moods. He will be destructive or mean for a little bit, then it's like he mellows out for awhile and then he gets super hyper: jumping on everything, throwing things, screaming and wiggling all over. While he's hyper, he can also be destructive, but he's not mean about it.  

2) How can I get my son to stop peeing the bed? We stop the drinks an hour and a half before his bedtime and he goes potty right before bed. His 3 year-old brother doesn't pee the bed, so I'm clueless as to why it's not working for my 4 year-old.

3) Does anyone else's 4 year-old have a hard time understanding other peoples feelings? My 4 year-old will throw his brother's toy or hit his brother and laugh. Then when someone does is back to him, you'd think they were killing him. Is that normal?

Any constructive input would be greatly appreciated! I'm going to go crazy if I can't figure something out 

by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 11:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
nuts4scouts
by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 12:55 PM

You need to take your son to the doctor.

A doctor will first be able to find out if there is a physical cause for the lack of bladder control.

You also need to get your son evaluated by a doctor (not just some kind of counselor) qualified in children's behavioral issues.

There are a number of things that might account for your son's behaviors, but you need to get him evaluated to find out out for sure what is going on.

Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Aug. 13, 2014 at 2:20 PM
3 moms liked this
Many kids don't master overnight training for years. It's normal. Btw, it's called a penis. (: as for behavior- any changes in the home?
jackiewal10
by Gold Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 2:29 PM
1 mom liked this

Overnight bedwetting can be normal for a LONG time.  Sometimes until puberty.  I wouldn't worry about that yet.  Every kid is different and he may be one where his bladder hasn't caught up to the rest of him. 

His behavior actually for the most part sounds fairly typical.  There are a few things, like laughing when hurting his brother, that send up a small red flag, but at 4, I don't know that I would freak out just yet.  If in a few months his behavior is getting worse or doesn't seem to be improving at all, I would bring it up to his doctor.  If you have an appointment soon for some reason, I would mention it, but I wouldn't make a special appointment yet.

veggiemom474
by Bronze Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 2:43 PM
1 mom liked this

The crazy tantrums are normal. My DD had one at least once a week at that age. She would really go crazy sometimes. And her clothes sparked a tantrum often. It's a just a phase.

I used to use reverse psychology at that age. I would say..."You are NOT taking a bath tonight!" and she would say "YES!!! I want to!!!" it worked for a couple months.

Lost22
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:49 PM

 The only change is that I've gone back to being a SAHM after working for about 6 months. I understand it's a penis, so do they, but in our home I guess they just prefer the word pee-pee. I see nothing wrong with that and find it funny that you would even point that out.

Quoting Mom2Just1: Many kids don't master overnight training for years. It's normal. Btw, it's called a penis. (: as for behavior- any changes in the home?

 

Lost22
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 3:53 PM

 Thank you for your advice. I guess I'm just kind of baffled that he is still wetting the bed, when his 3 year-old brother hasn't wet the bed for almost a year. I will keep in mind that each kid is different though from now on and maybe just continue with our disciplining techniques we've been using that seem to work best to deal with his "mean fits". Again, thanks!

Quoting jackiewal10:

Overnight bedwetting can be normal for a LONG time.  Sometimes until puberty.  I wouldn't worry about that yet.  Every kid is different and he may be one where his bladder hasn't caught up to the rest of him. 

His behavior actually for the most part sounds fairly typical.  There are a few things, like laughing when hurting his brother, that send up a small red flag, but at 4, I don't know that I would freak out just yet.  If in a few months his behavior is getting worse or doesn't seem to be improving at all, I would bring it up to his doctor.  If you have an appointment soon for some reason, I would mention it, but I wouldn't make a special appointment yet.

 

Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Aug. 13, 2014 at 4:14 PM
1 mom liked this

Sorry...in our house we use correct terms. It is just a pet peeve of mine.  I find it funny a grown adult would refer to a penis as pee-pee.  

Quoting Lost22:

 The only change is that I've gone back to being a SAHM after working for about 6 months. I understand it's a penis, so do they, but in our home I guess they just prefer the word pee-pee. I see nothing wrong with that and find it funny that you would even point that out.

Quoting Mom2Just1: Many kids don't master overnight training for years. It's normal. Btw, it's called a penis. (: as for behavior- any changes in the home?



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Lost22
by on Aug. 13, 2014 at 4:18 PM

 Sorry, I was just looking for advice not an English lesson. It's a pet peeve of mine that people react to a stupid term like this. Please, if you have no good advice for me then do not comment.

Quoting Mom2Just1:

Sorry...in our house we use correct terms. It is just a pet peeve of mine.  I find it funny a grown adult would refer to a penis as pee-pee.  

Quoting Lost22:

 The only change is that I've gone back to being a SAHM after working for about 6 months. I understand it's a penis, so do they, but in our home I guess they just prefer the word pee-pee. I see nothing wrong with that and find it funny that you would even point that out.

Quoting Mom2Just1: Many kids don't master overnight training for years. It's normal. Btw, it's called a penis. (: as for behavior- any changes in the home?

 

 

 

freedommoments
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 4:35 PM
When it comes to being toilet trained overnight it is completely normal for a 4yr old to not stay dry all night. Every child is different. Most Dr's don't become concerned until a child is approaching age 8 or even a bit later unless there are other issues. I know a few kids who were not able to stay dry all night at 6 or even 8 years old while their younger siblings remained dry as early as 2 or 3. How does your son sleep? Is he a heavy sleeper? Does he usual wet himself in the middle of the night or more towards when he wakes up. You might try having him wear Good Nights or UnderJams which as essentially pull ups. You can also try waking him before you go to bed to use the bathroom.

4 yr olds love to exert their independence. Maybe try just letting him stay wet for a while and see if he will change on his own. You could also simply get him a pair of underwear and put it in the bathroom, letting him know it is there for him to change or ask him which pair of underwear he would like you to get for him. I know it's counter to teaching independence but sometimes they are just overwhelmed and need us to help them navigate the situation.

As for the car seat it is best to designate one to each kid as their own and not expect them to share. It's a security and sense of ownership thing and the consistency helps kids navigate their changing world and helps them learn to regulate themselves.
freedommoments
by Member on Aug. 13, 2014 at 5:07 PM
1 mom liked this
Also kids at 4 have not yet learned empathy. It is important that as parents we step in during these situations and help our kids navigate. Help him learn words he can use to describe his feelings or what is going on. Model this for him but also identify both his feelings and those of others in the situation. "When your brother takes your toy it makes you " mad/sad etc." What words could we use to tell your brother how his actions make you feel?.... Help them navigate the situation and make it better ( toy taker returns toy, other child offers to give the other a turn when he is done etc.).

It will be a lot of work and take time but by letting kids experience big emotions and share how they are feeling you teach them to be good communicators and understand how others feel.
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