My hubby and I are going nuts trying to figure this out. His preschool teachers are unhappy. I think they think there is something going on at home that simply isn't.
Back ground. Son is 4 years old, there seems to be a high likelyhood that is is ADHD, have been working with the schol district to get a diagnosis so we can get the help we need with him. In his IEP he tested in top 5% in cognitive and school readyness etc... and nearly off the charts in Hyperactivity, impulsivity, distractablity etc... DH has a back injury from a car accident and so has been off work, and I am a full time student about to graduate in Oct. He has both of us here, though DH can't do as much as we would like, you know boy stuff like wresting, and roughhousing etc...
There is frustration at times but we don't really talk about it in fron of him. We know how sensitive he is to it, so we try to be aware and waite till he's in preschool or asleep. There is no domestic violence in our house. he generally doesn't see violence on TV, though sometimes he's seen some Bruce Lee stuff, and some video games, like treasure hunting, etc... but not the really violent bloody stuff.
we only spank in serious matters which is very rare. we generally opperate on a reward system, and a time out/ lossing rewards and preveleges etc... We keep a fairly consistent routein, with rules that he knowa and understands. In general he is a very happy, sweet, gently boy who likes to be helpfull. He's not a mean, or angry, problem child, He is generally well behaved and polite, most people adore him.
Basicaly our son has a good life, has swim lessons, gymnastics, things to help chanel his energies into positive outlets etc... so we don't get why at school, (never when I am around) his teachers say he hits, we have been trying to modify his behavior and teach him the rules which he knows by heart now. so he knows that he isn't suposed to but does it any way. teachers say it does not seem to have any cause, and now other parents are complaining, and we are afraid that they will kick him out. this school is an in between daycare/preschool because he doen't do well with the more ridgid structure. Regular preschools won't take him because he can't sit still and teacher student ratio is 12 to 1, and they tell me he needs smaller groups where he can get more one on one attention, so we have him in a school where they are suposed to know how to handle ADHD issues and have a 6 to 1 ratio. They are rated best in the area, and manage licencing etc...the other in home day care programs in the area. we were lucky to get him in there.
So, when we ask him why he hits he say's he hits when the bad man comes, or that he's fighting bad guys.
How do we effectively get him to stop hitting? We don't even understand why he's hitting in the 1st place.