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Need advice from someone who has been there....

Posted by on Sep. 3, 2014 at 12:44 AM
  • 22 Replies
I have a 16 year old step daughter who lately has been really getting under my skin. She constantly lies about the smallest things (which I do not stand for) and is currently in a "secret" relationship with a 12 yo boy.I for one do not agree with this because of such an age difference. He is the same age as her younger sister and her little brother is older than him. So all the kids have ipads thanks to the schools. I told them at bed time there is not any online activities to be going on or they will lose the internet. Out of the 4 she was the only one who decided "I can get away with it" which of course she was caught telling this boy n he telling her how much they loved n missed each other. I was furious! So she has lost the use of Internet and is no longer a loud to go to the area where he lives. Which happens to be the same area some family lives as well. I don't know if I am being too harsh on her or what else to do. I need advice on how to handle this because I don't know how much more I can take. Please help!!!!!
by on Sep. 3, 2014 at 12:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Its.me.Sam.
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 12:58 AM

teens are very difficult.
and when it isnt your own your likely to be even more irritated by them. 
where is her mom?  what does her dad do about all this? 

boopthis
by Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 1:03 AM
Her mom hasn't been in the picture for a long time. She has been with me since 2nd grade now she is in 10th. Her dad just goes along with everything I say when I'm around but Idk when I'm not. Yes it is very hard dealing with her when my oldest that I had is 13. I feel like I'm not ready for all the drama that comes along with 16.
MumsysGirl
by Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 3:09 AM

In that Age they are too self-centered they do what they thinks are good for them or they just only want them to do! When they are being disciplined they feel like they are being scolded or controlled. 

Quoting Its.me.Sam.:

teens are very difficult.and when it isnt your own your likely to be even more irritated by them. where is her mom?  what does her dad do about all this? 


Its.me.Sam.
by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 3:19 AM
1 mom liked this

every situation is differnet but all i can give int he way of advice is:
-dont take it personal.  its not about YOU.
-know that this will pass
-be patient, be consistent, be kind
-learn about teens - sounds silly but read up on them.. books by reputable psychologists etc.  as adults we forget what they are going through - physically, mentally, emotionally, socially.
-communicate clearly.  what you expect, why you have rules.  but also be ready to be a little flexible as well.

my daughter is 21 now and looking back (and learning what i have through psych classes and human development classes) i can see so much more clearly - as can she.  be patient and be loving.  you guys will get through it.  and remember - she is her own person... youre there to help her find her path safely, help her grow in a healthy and safe way... but you need to remember she is growing up and you need to adapt with her.  its almost like embarking on a new relationship.  learn as you go.  
 

Quoting boopthis: Her mom hasn't been in the picture for a long time. She has been with me since 2nd grade now she is in 10th. Her dad just goes along with everything I say when I'm around but Idk when I'm not. Yes it is very hard dealing with her when my oldest that I had is 13. I feel like I'm not ready for all the drama that comes along with 16.


want10more
by Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 5:27 AM
1 mom liked this

i have a 15 yr old step gal. but mommalisa put her foot down years ago. now 15, she's really great, and open w/ me.

step one: yes take her cell.

step two: call your cell provider and get copies of her texts.

step three: tell dad that he's being a troll by not backing you up.

step four: breathe. realize it's ok if you don't really LIKE her right now, but that you really do LOVE her. and you want what's best for her.

step five: don't sweat the small stuff. pick your battles. the young boy is a big battle. the small things like the small lies? just roll your eyes and say, yeah, cuz i have stupid printed on my forehead. sheesh! heh. their job is to get your goat, your job is to not let them.

my step gal is now 15, and she's a dolly.

blinker612
by Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 8:05 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't think 12 and 16 is and appropriate age difference. At least not at that age. I find that pretty weird honestly.

I don't really have any advice, but I do agree with what the previous posts said. I was a nightmare teenager (the worst you could think of) and I turned out ok. Just remember that all teenagers are crazy selfish monsters! And they learn through experience just like everyone else.
boopthis
by Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 8:25 AM
1 mom liked this
She no longer has a cell phone and I can't take the ipad away it is for school. Her dad does back me up he just never has his own input which would be nice. And your are right I feel like I don't like her right now but I do love her. I just feel bad for this feeling. I have told her that it is gonna be awhile before I can trust her again and her response is how can I gain your trust back if you don't let me go anywhere. And I that point I just wanna give up n not care it sucks ;(

Quoting want10more:

i have a 15 yr old step gal. but mommalisa put her foot down years ago. now 15, she's really great, and open w/ me.


step one: yes take her cell.


step two: call your cell provider and get copies of her texts.


step three: tell dad that he's being a troll by not backing you up.


step four: breathe. realize it's ok if you don't really LIKE her right now, but that you really do LOVE her. and you want what's best for her.


step five: don't sweat the small stuff. pick your battles. the young boy is a big battle. the small things like the small lies? just roll your eyes and say, yeah, cuz i have stupid printed on my forehead. sheesh! heh. their job is to get your goat, your job is to not let them.


my step gal is now 15, and she's a dolly.

harmony7
by Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 8:25 AM
1 mom liked this

 in case you did not know the school can lock the I pad down so it can only be used to access school work and information.

I know I just had my 13 year olds all locked up but the school had to do it for me.

Pam in Alabama
A Mom to nine sons and one daughter with five still at home
boopthis
by Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 8:26 AM
They have blocked a lot of things on there but it's texting apps they didnt. But I will definitely have to look into that

Quoting harmony7:

 in case you did not know the school can lock the I pad down so it can only be used to access school work and information.


I know I just had my 13 year olds all locked up but the school had to do it for me.

harmony7
by Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 8:29 AM

 Mine can no longer access insta gram and facebook or face time...I took him and the Ipad to school yesterday morning and met with the principal

Quoting boopthis: They have blocked a lot of things on there but it's texting apps they didnt. But I will definitely have to look into that
Quoting harmony7:

 in case you did not know the school can lock the I pad down so it can only be used to access school work and information.

I know I just had my 13 year olds all locked up but the school had to do it for me.

 

Pam in Alabama
A Mom to nine sons and one daughter with five still at home
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