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At the end of my rope with FRESH 4 year old

Posted by on Sep. 3, 2014 at 5:44 AM
  • 12 Replies

Good Morning.  I am posting to the group cause at this point in time I am lost and don't know what else to do. Please forgive me if I ramble.  My son just turned 4. The last year has been horrifying to the point of I have asked myself on a number of occasions 'what the helk was I thinking?' From day one it was a tough pregnancy at 36 (and I had lost a baby before him - so I panicked alot with him). I went into labor and he would not come down and 18hrs later I had a c-section.  Then it was great.  He was beautiful and perfect right up until about 2 1/2.  Now he doesn't stop! He yells at me, spits at me, calls me an idiot punka$@ (no idea where he got that one). He is up EVERYDAY at 345am no matter what time I put him to bed.  He goes from being mean and rude one minute to hello my best friend mommy. :( I am literally at the end of my rope. Time outs, putting him in his room, taking toys and tv away, ignoring it.. I have tried EVERYTHING! I am in tears every day by 430 am..  I really could use some major advice.  - I should also mention that he has 2 sisters - 20 and 12. His father and I are still married (all 3 are his) but for the most part he is useless cause he works nights and sleeps during the day.  We live with my folks because they are disabled and us being here allows them to stay in their home instead of assisted living.  I suffer from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia and they think now Rheumatoid Arthritis on top of Chronic Pain from Degenerative Disc Disease (falling apart at And I am handling all this as I try to run a business online since I don't qualify for disability since I help my folks. So as you can see I am basically overwhelmed, overworked and all on my own.  I have no girlfriends outside of 1 or 2 that live in another state so I am hoping to make a few friends on here.  I would love to just being to talk to another mom.    Thanks so much for taking the time to listen :)

by on Sep. 3, 2014 at 5:44 AM
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by Silver Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 7:11 AM

Have you talked to his doctor about his behavier?  I suggest having him evaluated by a psychologist.  A disapline routine needs to take place too.  Use a behavieral chart with 2 awards.  The first one given immediatally when the child follows through with a behavier, the 2nd to be given at the end of the week of his choosing.  This award is given when the child does well with his behaviers for the week.

by Bronze Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 7:22 AM
When you take away stuff do you take it ALL away? Because that is what worked for us (for a different behavior problem but one we were at wits end over!!). He lost ALL his toys for a week. He still had his one pillow pet and all his books and crayons but no trains, no cars, no anything that qualifies as a toy. He slowly earned them back through the week by behaving at school. It worked wonders!!! Plus, half the toys are still boxed up and he does not even notice so bonus for me: less clutter!!!
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by on Sep. 3, 2014 at 7:36 AM
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Oh wow. You have a lot going on.

As someone else mentioned, speaking to his doctor and having him evaluated would probably be a good thing. It's possible that there is more going on.

Is he in preschool? How structured are your days? Many kids thrive on structure. I would also start having more structure throughout the day. See if that helps.

by on Sep. 3, 2014 at 8:23 AM

He is currently in therapy once a week.  He has been evaluated and examined by his doctor and therapist.  At first they thought that he was autistic and then they ruled that out.  Now they are trying to tell me that he has severe seperation anxiety but everything that I have read about it does not fit him either.  :(  I have taken ALL his things away but I have not tried the chart.  I think that perhaps I will give that a try and see what happens. :)

by on Sep. 3, 2014 at 8:25 AM

He is not in preschool yet.  He is starting head start hopefully within the next week or two.  But I do keep his days very structured.  I try not to ever deviate from his schedule cause it only makes it worse.


Is he in preschool? How structured are your days? Many kids thrive on structure. I would also start having more structure throughout the day. See if that helps. 

by Member on Sep. 3, 2014 at 8:26 AM
Try Magic 123 (it's a book) and works well at that age.
by on Sep. 3, 2014 at 9:34 AM

You are going through an awful lot at this time, and first off I would suggest a second evaluation if that's possible. While I am not familiar with the Severe Separation Anxiety you mention, I also suspect there is something else going on. More structure could help and it sounds as though you are doing that, Also definitely more help and support from your family , you are definitely overwhelmed. I would also like to reach out to you in friendship , you can send me a friend invitation if you like or better yet I could send one to you. We could exchange messages online and hopefully become friends here, Friendship is what brought me back to the CafeMom site, I had been off and on here and met some very nice ladies online. Let me know if you are interested.There is absolutely no pressure on my part for you to respond quickly, just when ever you may feel need to have someone to exchange some messages with .

by Cecilia on Sep. 3, 2014 at 8:05 PM

I'm wondering since you mention being quite busy and overwhelmed. if he is acting out because he feels not paid attention to. Usually if a kid feels ignored they will seek negative attention because at least it's attention. I'm not saying this is your situation but it might be something to consider.

by on Sep. 3, 2014 at 8:46 PM

HE needs a LOT more attention.  A LOT more loving attention.  It sounds like you DO have too much on your plate. But that kid just needs YOU to sit with him more, play with him more and tell him Hey you are a GREAT kid! wow. I love you.

Really- that is my gut feeling.    I hope you put him into pre-school right now so he gets someone to play with all day at least.   He is probably sort of bored and lonely, yes, lonely even though it seems you and the invalids are there.  He's lonely and just acting out that way cause he can't put it into words.

by on Sep. 5, 2014 at 3:13 PM

Thank you ladies.  I can with all honestly tell  you that his behavior is NOT for lack of attention. He is with me every second of every day  (when he is awake).  He is not ignored nor is he lonely.  He is on the waiting list for headstart.   He is told he is loved and hugged and kissed and played with throughout the day.  And his grandparents are not invalids.    I cannot spend anymore time with him... he even follows me into the bathroom for goodness sake.  I run my online business in the evening so that I do not take anytime away from him. 

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