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Question

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:15 AM
  • 20 Replies
What if you and your partner have things to talk about regarding your relationship and child but you guys are going through and barely talking and you want to talk face to face but he doesn't..and every time you try talking on the phone all you are doing is arguing would you send a text or email?
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:17 AM

Yes, I would send an e-mail message. There are times when DH and I just can't get it all out face to face and when we try, it all falls apart and becomes a different conversation altogether. So, in order to get all my thoughts and points across I write him a letter and send it to him and then we discuss in a calmer manner.

ajsmommy13
by Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:33 AM
Are they long or do you try to keep them short? And does he always read them..my concern is that he won't read it and it'll be way to long because I have a lot of feelings bottled up

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Yes, I would send an e-mail message. There are times when DH and I just can't get it all out face to face and when we try, it all falls apart and becomes a different conversation altogether. So, in order to get all my thoughts and points across I write him a letter and send it to him and then we discuss in a calmer manner.

annie2244
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:36 AM
1 mom liked this

Neither. I'd call him up and fix firmly the time when we are going to be together face to face. I never communicate anything by electronic means but boring facts (I'll be home by 6) or amusing positive nothings.

If you both want to be together and work things out, it is not an option for him not to have daily talks with you face to face. If he wants a referee, start weekly counseling. If he just wants some rules of engagement to feel safe, then you each draft some up and get together at a set time to review them.  Google for 'rules for healthy arguments, and click on 4 or 5 of the articles to compile your own list.  They include things like 'you never get to use the words 'you always' or 'you never'.  One topic per discussion period (e.g., 'I want to talk to you about doing the dishes when it's your turn' 'oh, yeah? well you never change a diaper!!"). You can walk away if you can't deal with the topic any more right then but you must name the time later the same day that we can address the issue some more...

  Have a list you both like, you can add to it over time, post it.

You two need a daily time when you are together, face to face, no tv, talking about your day, etc, and a weekly time when you go out and have fun, no kid talk, no disagreement talk. If he won't talk to you, the answer is not start texting instead. There's no relationship if he won't talk to you, calmly, daily.

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:03 AM

Both depending on what I have to say. I've written these long, epic ones before. I give him a few days and I ask about it. 

Quoting ajsmommy13: Are they long or do you try to keep them short? And does he always read them..my concern is that he won't read it and it'll be way to long because I have a lot of feelings bottled up
Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Yes, I would send an e-mail message. There are times when DH and I just can't get it all out face to face and when we try, it all falls apart and becomes a different conversation altogether. So, in order to get all my thoughts and points across I write him a letter and send it to him and then we discuss in a calmer manner.


ajsmommy13
by Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:10 AM
I agree I'm not a fan of electronic ways of communication I rather face to face. . And I've tried setting a time for us to talk face to face about our problems but he doesn't want to he's like you can call me why do we have to talk face to fave I don't want to... He doesn't want to fave our issues because most of them he's the on in the wrong he doesn't want to hear that so he'd rather house behind the phone...he's stubborn and has a bit much pride

Quoting annie2244:

Neither. I'd call him up and fix firmly the time when we are going to be together face to face. I never communicate anything by electronic means but boring facts (I'll be home by 6) or amusing positive nothings.


If you both want to be together and work things out, it is not an option for him not to have daily talks with you face to face. If he wants a referee, start weekly counseling. If he just wants some rules of engagement to feel safe, then you each draft some up and get together at a set time to review them.  Google for 'rules for healthy arguments, and click on 4 or 5 of the articles to compile your own list.  They include things like 'you never get to use the words 'you always' or 'you never'.  One topic per discussion period (e.g., 'I want to talk to you about doing the dishes when it's your turn' 'oh, yeah? well you never change a diaper!!"). You can walk away if you can't deal with the topic any more right then but you must name the time later the same day that we can address the issue some more...


  Have a list you both like, you can add to it over time, post it.


You two need a daily time when you are together, face to face, no tv, talking about your day, etc, and a weekly time when you go out and have fun, no kid talk, no disagreement talk. If he won't talk to you, the answer is not start texting instead. There's no relationship if he won't talk to you, calmly, daily.

ajsmommy13
by Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:12 AM
So how did he like the method of using email

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Both depending on what I have to say. I've written these long, epic ones before. I give him a few days and I ask about it. 

Quoting ajsmommy13: Are they long or do you try to keep them short? And does he always read them..my concern is that he won't read it and it'll be way to long because I have a lot of feelings bottled up

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Yes, I would send an e-mail message. There are times when DH and I just can't get it all out face to face and when we try, it all falls apart and becomes a different conversation altogether. So, in order to get all my thoughts and points across I write him a letter and send it to him and then we discuss in a calmer manner.

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:18 AM

He expects it every once in a while. When we discuss/argue, we oftentimes don't listen to each other and don't get our points across. I've always been a writer and many times I'm more articulate in writing BECAUSE I'm not being interrupted and my mind isn't going in 5 million directions at one time. There are times when we just write letters to each other because it's more effective.

Quoting ajsmommy13: So how did he like the method of using email
Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Both depending on what I have to say. I've written these long, epic ones before. I give him a few days and I ask about it. 

Quoting ajsmommy13: Are they long or do you try to keep them short? And does he always read them..my concern is that he won't read it and it'll be way to long because I have a lot of feelings bottled up
Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Yes, I would send an e-mail message. There are times when DH and I just can't get it all out face to face and when we try, it all falls apart and becomes a different conversation altogether. So, in order to get all my thoughts and points across I write him a letter and send it to him and then we discuss in a calmer manner.



only_1_4_me
by Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:22 AM
1 mom liked this

I would write a letter... I think writing is the best form of communication when there is too much arguing going on.

ajsmommy13
by Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:23 AM
1 mom liked this
Cool..great tips to try...especially since I'm a writer also I just kind if took a break from it but get back on it soon

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

He expects it every once in a while. When we discuss/argue, we oftentimes don't listen to each other and don't get our points across. I've always been a writer and many times I'm more articulate in writing BECAUSE I'm not being interrupted and my mind isn't going in 5 million directions at one time. There are times when we just write letters to each other because it's more effective.

Quoting ajsmommy13: So how did he like the method of using email

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Both depending on what I have to say. I've written these long, epic ones before. I give him a few days and I ask about it. 

Quoting ajsmommy13: Are they long or do you try to keep them short? And does he always read them..my concern is that he won't read it and it'll be way to long because I have a lot of feelings bottled up

Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Yes, I would send an e-mail message. There are times when DH and I just can't get it all out face to face and when we try, it all falls apart and becomes a different conversation altogether. So, in order to get all my thoughts and points across I write him a letter and send it to him and then we discuss in a calmer manner.

CorpCityGrl
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 11:25 AM

No problem. I used to write a lot when I was younger, but fell off. It's kind of why the letters started really. We got into an epic argument and he wasn't listening so I had to articulate myself the best way I knew how. 

Quoting ajsmommy13: Cool..great tips to try...especially since I'm a writer also I just kind if took a break from it but get back on it soon
Quoting CorpCityGrl:

He expects it every once in a while. When we discuss/argue, we oftentimes don't listen to each other and don't get our points across. I've always been a writer and many times I'm more articulate in writing BECAUSE I'm not being interrupted and my mind isn't going in 5 million directions at one time. There are times when we just write letters to each other because it's more effective.

Quoting ajsmommy13: So how did he like the method of using email
Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Both depending on what I have to say. I've written these long, epic ones before. I give him a few days and I ask about it. 

Quoting ajsmommy13: Are they long or do you try to keep them short? And does he always read them..my concern is that he won't read it and it'll be way to long because I have a lot of feelings bottled up
Quoting CorpCityGrl:

Yes, I would send an e-mail message. There are times when DH and I just can't get it all out face to face and when we try, it all falls apart and becomes a different conversation altogether. So, in order to get all my thoughts and points across I write him a letter and send it to him and then we discuss in a calmer manner.




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