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Violent Mentally Handicapped Student

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:24 AM
  • 11 Replies

The other day I was at my daughter's school for their Halloween parade/parties. There was a group of mentally handicapped children that were walking around for the parade. One particular boy was probably in fourth grade and had quite the "build" to him. He was a big boy (not fat, just big in size). While they were walking them around, he was constantly pushing the other small children (my daughter is in kindergarden). Between that point and when we were watching all the kids in the hallway, he had pushed 4 kids and 3 adults. I was one of the adults. He walked by and shoved my shoulder. This was not a friendly shove, it was a very forceful shove that pushed me up against the wall and caused pain. It was the kind of shove that if an adult had done to me, I probably would have shoved back. The teachers that were with him did not say anything nor did they do anything any of the times he had done this. By no means am I directing this post to all handicapped kids, however after witnessing/experiencing this, I do not think children like him (physically violent), should be in a building with other kids. If he was able to shove a 29 year old female then what could he do to a small 5 year old? And has he ever gotten more violent? Thoughts please.....

by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 10:24 AM
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SamMom912
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:05 PM
2 moms liked this

I'm thinking the school understands the not most likely has sensory issues and things like parades and other chaotic noisy things are difficult for him, they most likely understand that with his sensory issues he also doesn't know where his body is in space. And pushes and bumps into things as a way for him to orient his body. He most likely doesn't know his own strength and I am hoping that the school and district is working with him on this. I'm assuming with his developmental delay, he may not be fully aware of his strength or have the ability to understand how others perceive his actions.

That being said, you could express your concerns for his support and the safety of the other students by suggesting that he have a buddy to walk with in the future. Kids like this do better if they are holding someone's hand to help orient themselves and someone to redirect him and take him out of the situation if a break is needed.

I'm doubting this boy is violent in general, this parade may not be a good fit for him, so expressing your concerns FOR him and his comfort may be the best most effective way to institute change. 

Think about how you would want someone to approach the situation if this was your child, with compassion and understanding. Punishing him won't teach him these things... NOT that I think you're suggesting that, but, here on CM, people rush to punishment, where positive reinforcement and supporting this boy during challenging moments is more effective then banning him... :) 


atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:19 PM
2 moms liked this
Some kids shouldn't be taught in public schools. The other kids safety should be first. He needs an aid every minute or homeschooled.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kailu1835
by Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:24 PM
1 mom liked this
That kid needs to be removed from public.
hollyann85
by Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:27 PM

 The thing is, there was an aide with him (I don't think I specified that). There was an aide with each special needs student. However, the only thing she said was "that mades me sad" and that's when the student pushed her and also "we keep our hands to ourselves" and that was every time he shoved someone. Obviously that wasn't working considering he continued to do so.

Quoting SamMom912:

I'm thinking the school understands the not most likely has sensory issues and things like parades and other chaotic noisy things are difficult for him, they most likely understand that with his sensory issues he also doesn't know where his body is in space. And pushes and bumps into things as a way for him to orient his body. He most likely doesn't know his own strength and I am hoping that the school and district is working with him on this. I'm assuming with his developmental delay, he may not be fully aware of his strength or have the ability to understand how others perceive his actions.

That being said, you could express your concerns for his support and the safety of the other students by suggesting that he have a buddy to walk with in the future. Kids like this do better if they are holding someone's hand to help orient themselves and someone to redirect him and take him out of the situation if a break is needed.

I'm doubting this boy is violent in general, this parade may not be a good fit for him, so expressing your concerns FOR him and his comfort may be the best most effective way to institute change. 

Think about how you would want someone to approach the situation if this was your child, with compassion and understanding. Punishing him won't teach him these things... NOT that I think you're suggesting that, but, here on CM, people rush to punishment, where positive reinforcement and supporting this boy during challenging moments is more effective then banning him... :) 

 

 

anotherandree
by Inga on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:33 PM

I agree with all the ladies above, but to add to what SamMom said, I lived next door to a severely autistic 8 yr old boy who was HUGE for his age.  Like you said, not fat, but he was TALL and built like a linebacker.  He would just randomly SHOVE other people.  It was generally when he got overwhelmed and/or frustrated.  I have to admit that I was afraid for what will happen when he is older and still bigger.  So on that aspect, I can understand that a parade with kids in costumes probably put this kid over the edge.

However, I do not think that kids who become violent (even inadvertently) when put in stressful situations should be PURPOSELY put in stressful situations like a school-wide parade.  That is just asking for trouble.  Yet, many parents of sn kids want their children to have the same opportunities as their some-aged counterparts and would probably disagree.

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:41 PM
For those that think he needs to be removed: that will never teach him appropriate behavior... So "removing" him from society is really not a feasible option... Perhaps we should kill him now? Lets not wait until he is bigger and stronger to teach him... And Im not sure if waiting for maturity is a good option since I don't know his intellectual limitations.... So if he is in 4th grade, with the cognitive ability of a 4 year old... No one would expect the 4 year with sensory dysfunction old to figure this out...

It does sound to me like the aid was not helping him... So again a concerned phone call expressing the aid wasn't teaching him what he should be doing is appropriate.


Quoting hollyann85:

 The thing is, there was an aide with him (I don't think I specified that). There was an aide with each special needs student. However, the only thing she said was "that mades me sad" and that's when the student pushed her and also "we keep our hands to ourselves" and that was every time he shoved someone. Obviously that wasn't working considering he continued to do so.


Quoting SamMom912:

I'm thinking the school understands the not most likely has sensory issues and things like parades and other chaotic noisy things are difficult for him, they most likely understand that with his sensory issues he also doesn't know where his body is in space. And pushes and bumps into things as a way for him to orient his body. He most likely doesn't know his own strength and I am hoping that the school and district is working with him on this. I'm assuming with his developmental delay, he may not be fully aware of his strength or have the ability to understand how others perceive his actions.


That being said, you could express your concerns for his support and the safety of the other students by suggesting that he have a buddy to walk with in the future. Kids like this do better if they are holding someone's hand to help orient themselves and someone to redirect him and take him out of the situation if a break is needed.


I'm doubting this boy is violent in general, this parade may not be a good fit for him, so expressing your concerns FOR him and his comfort may be the best most effective way to institute change. 


Think about how you would want someone to approach the situation if this was your child, with compassion and understanding. Punishing him won't teach him these things... NOT that I think you're suggesting that, but, here on CM, people rush to punishment, where positive reinforcement and supporting this boy during challenging moments is more effective then banning him... :) 


 


 

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 12:43 PM
Legally if the student is harm to themselves or others they can legally be removed.

Quoting SamMom912: For those that think he needs to be removed: that will never teach him appropriate behavior... So "removing" him from society is really not a feasible option... Perhaps we should kill him now? Lets not wait until he is bigger and stronger to teach him... And Im not sure if waiting for maturity is a good option since I don't know his intellectual limitations.... So if he is in 4th grade, with the cognitive ability of a 4 year old... No one would expect the 4 year with sensory dysfunction old to figure this out...

It does sound to me like the aid was not helping him... So again a concerned phone call expressing the aid wasn't teaching him what he should be doing is appropriate.


Quoting hollyann85:

 The thing is, there was an aide with him (I don't think I specified that). There was an aide with each special needs student. However, the only thing she said was "that mades me sad" and that's when the student pushed her and also "we keep our hands to ourselves" and that was every time he shoved someone. Obviously that wasn't working considering he continued to do so.


Quoting SamMom912:

I'm thinking the school understands the not most likely has sensory issues and things like parades and other chaotic noisy things are difficult for him, they most likely understand that with his sensory issues he also doesn't know where his body is in space. And pushes and bumps into things as a way for him to orient his body. He most likely doesn't know his own strength and I am hoping that the school and district is working with him on this. I'm assuming with his developmental delay, he may not be fully aware of his strength or have the ability to understand how others perceive his actions.


That being said, you could express your concerns for his support and the safety of the other students by suggesting that he have a buddy to walk with in the future. Kids like this do better if they are holding someone's hand to help orient themselves and someone to redirect him and take him out of the situation if a break is needed.


I'm doubting this boy is violent in general, this parade may not be a good fit for him, so expressing your concerns FOR him and his comfort may be the best most effective way to institute change. 


Think about how you would want someone to approach the situation if this was your child, with compassion and understanding. Punishing him won't teach him these things... NOT that I think you're suggesting that, but, here on CM, people rush to punishment, where positive reinforcement and supporting this boy during challenging moments is more effective then banning him... :) 


 


 

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DisabledVet
by on Nov. 4, 2014 at 1:22 PM

Talk with the principle about your concerns.

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 1:27 PM
I hardly think pushing on one occasion warrants that. We dont know the facts and Id hope you'd want to help this child, not be an alarmist who would exclude a child who simply needs an opportunity to learn appropriate behavior.

Quoting atlmom2: Legally if the student is harm to themselves or others they can legally be removed.

Quoting SamMom912: For those that think he needs to be removed: that will never teach him appropriate behavior... So "removing" him from society is really not a feasible option... Perhaps we should kill him now? Lets not wait until he is bigger and stronger to teach him... And Im not sure if waiting for maturity is a good option since I don't know his intellectual limitations.... So if he is in 4th grade, with the cognitive ability of a 4 year old... No one would expect the 4 year with sensory dysfunction old to figure this out...

It does sound to me like the aid was not helping him... So again a concerned phone call expressing the aid wasn't teaching him what he should be doing is appropriate.


Quoting hollyann85:

 The thing is, there was an aide with him (I don't think I specified that). There was an aide with each special needs student. However, the only thing she said was "that mades me sad" and that's when the student pushed her and also "we keep our hands to ourselves" and that was every time he shoved someone. Obviously that wasn't working considering he continued to do so.


Quoting SamMom912:

I'm thinking the school understands the not most likely has sensory issues and things like parades and other chaotic noisy things are difficult for him, they most likely understand that with his sensory issues he also doesn't know where his body is in space. And pushes and bumps into things as a way for him to orient his body. He most likely doesn't know his own strength and I am hoping that the school and district is working with him on this. I'm assuming with his developmental delay, he may not be fully aware of his strength or have the ability to understand how others perceive his actions.


That being said, you could express your concerns for his support and the safety of the other students by suggesting that he have a buddy to walk with in the future. Kids like this do better if they are holding someone's hand to help orient themselves and someone to redirect him and take him out of the situation if a break is needed.


I'm doubting this boy is violent in general, this parade may not be a good fit for him, so expressing your concerns FOR him and his comfort may be the best most effective way to institute change. 


Think about how you would want someone to approach the situation if this was your child, with compassion and understanding. Punishing him won't teach him these things... NOT that I think you're suggesting that, but, here on CM, people rush to punishment, where positive reinforcement and supporting this boy during challenging moments is more effective then banning him... :) 


 


 

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Nov. 4, 2014 at 1:33 PM
1 mom liked this
While I agree with you that children shouldnt be put in a situation they cant handle, many many many schools mislead parents of special education students to save money. Very sad, very true.
The parents may know that crowds make their child anxious and may even suggest to the schools to not have their child participate-- and the school may be telling them their child is "fine".. When he is not.

Its very sad.


Quoting anotherandree:

I agree with all the ladies above, but to add to what SamMom said, I lived next door to a severely autistic 8 yr old boy who was HUGE for his age.  Like you said, not fat, but he was TALL and built like a linebacker.  He would just randomly SHOVE other people.  It was generally when he got overwhelmed and/or frustrated.  I have to admit that I was afraid for what will happen when he is older and still bigger.  So on that aspect, I can understand that a parade with kids in costumes probably put this kid over the edge.

However, I do not think that kids who become violent (even inadvertently) when put in stressful situations should be PURPOSELY put in stressful situations like a school-wide parade.  That is just asking for trouble.  Yet, many parents of sn kids want their children to have the same opportunities as their some-aged counterparts and would probably disagree.

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