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I feel like my world is falling apart and I don't know what to do...

Posted by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 4:45 PM
  • 5 Replies

A friend of mine recommended I try this site for support so here I go. I am 33 years old and a single mother of two beautiful kids, Isaiah (14 year old boy) and Ambria (3 year old girl). I see myself as a strong independent person, but lately everything has just been falling apart.

I had to have RAI (Radioactive Iodine treatment) done a few months ago on my thyroid. If you aren't familiar with thyroid issues then I'll just say, they can be devastating. I am exhausted all the time, my emotions are all over the place, and I feel worse now then before the RAI. Because of my health, I had to take an indefinite leave from work which I didn't expect nor prepare for. I sold my car to pay bills and am about to get kicked out of the home I have lived in for years because I am now 2 months behind on rent.

In the middle of all this, my 14 year old has started acting out. I have tried very hard to keep the financial struggles from him. He thinks my car broke down and that's why I don't have it anymore. He has no clue about being evicted next week if I can't come up with rent. I have tried to protect him from this.

Within the last 10 days he has ran away 3 times. It all started because I wouldn't let him go on a hunting trip due to him missing assignments in school. He was gone overnight all 3 times without a phone call or anything. I called the police all 3 times and reported him as a runaway and they kept bringing him home. This last time he ran away involved him attempting to physically assault me before he ran out the door. It was because I drug tested him and he came up positive for marijuana.

The police refused to do anything about the attempted assault because there were no marks and when I told them I did not want him in my house until we could sit down with a mediator or counselor to discuss this, the police WENT OFF on me for denying my child shelter. But I wasn't denying him! My neighbor, who my son loves like a grandmother, told him she wanted him to stay with her.

The cops wouldn't listen though. I tried explaining to them that I was going to file an At Risk Youth Petition in an attempt to regain some kind of control in this situation. The one cop had been out to my house every time my son had run away and he said I was giving up on my child, that I was a pathetic excuse for a mother, that if I was his mother he'd hate me too. He threatened to "haul my arse off to jail if I didn't let my son in the house."

Needless to say, he has been home and hasn't run away in the last 2 days. He sits in his room, won't talk to me, and refuses to take care of his responsibilities around the house. He purposefully makes a mess and leaves it, calls me all sorts of names in the book, and laughs when his 3 year old sister now says "b***h."

I am at my wits end. It is one thing to deal with my health issues, the upcoming eviction with no place to go, and now my out-of-control teen. It is just too much! I have few supportive people in my life and I'm sure they are getting tired of hearing about all my issues. My friend who recommended me to this site encouraged me to set up a fundraising page to help stop my eviction, which I am up to $130 in donations. Every time I get an email saying someone has donated, I bawl for an hour straight. My friend is amazing but she has her own life and kids to worry about and I hate calling her all the time crying.

If one thing at a time would have gone wrong in my life I don't think I'd be so overwhelmed. But my child, my health, and my financial situation all hitting at once is almost unbearable. I don't know what to do.

by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 4:45 PM
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by Silver Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 5:04 PM

I'm so sorry for all your troubles, I would think that you would qualify for aid, including counseling for you and your son, teenagers can be so difficult because their brains aren't mature, and the pot smoking doesn't help. I would call social services and ask about surrendering your teenager and go from there. He is probably physically bigger and stronger than you and you can't make him do anything it sounds like. I do think you should be honest with him regarding your financial situation, sure, it's scary but maybe he can help somehow. Where is his father and is that part of the problem?

by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 5:36 PM

Father walked out when he was 3 days old and I think that is definitely a part of the problem. My son asked me about him last night, out of the blue. The only words he has spoken to me in days that weren't nasty. I really didn't want to tell him the truth about his dad walking out and not wanting to be a part of his life, but I broke down crying and told him, including the fact that I have tried numerous times over the years to make contact with his dad only to be ignored.

I have contacted social services and have had a family assessment done so that I can file an At Risk Youth Petition. Basically that is a petition to get some help from the juvenile courts with a child that has a drug problem and is uncontrollable, but isn't in the criminal system. We will have to go in front of a judge and make a court approved plan that he will have to follow. It will include drug counseling, regular counseling for him and for the family, and a list of rules the courts and I come up with that he must follow. If he fails a drug test, refuses to participate in the programs, or doesn't abide by the rules we set for him then I have to go file a Contempt of Court against him and he has to go in front of the judge. They can then order up to 7 days in a juvenile facility and/or community service and a $100 fine. I already have this set in motion but it is taking so long. They just got the petition filed on Friday and it could take up to 2 weeks to get the initial hearing. I did schedule an emergency counseling appointment for in the meantime only for him to tell me that I can not make him go. He IS bigger than me by a couple inches and 20+ lbs and he is right... I can't make him go.

As for finding assistance regarding the financial situation, I have contacted every agency I could get through DSHS, the housing authority, Google, local churches and was told the same thing everywhere. There just isn't funding for rental assistance at this time. My only hope is through the VA since I am a veteran and have filed an application for emergency assistance, but it could take weeks to process and I just don't have that kind of time. My landlord has given me until November 14th to come up with October and November rent. I have thought about telling my son about how dire the situation is but I have held back because he is a worrier. I don't want to put the stress on him, no matter how much stress he puts on me. My friend said the same thing... tell him about the upcoming eviction. I am just worried that he will act out more, not be understanding of the stress I am under.

My friend also said I should tell him about how ill I really am. He knows about the RAI since he and his sister had to stay with the neighbor for 3 days after because I was radioactive and couldn't be around my kids. But he doesn't know how sick I really am and how bad my health is. All I have told him is that my health problem isn't life threatening so he won't worry about it. He is a big worrier. He gets that from his mom.

by Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 5:49 PM

I am so sorry :( As far as rent goes, have you tried contacting churches or the town? there are programs usually in both that help when you are at risk of evictions. being a single mom of two, have you tried to get into any assitance? housing, food, etc? I know the lists can be long for housing, but giving your situation they may be able to give you a voucher sooner?! as for your son... there may be things going on with him.. it's that age where they like to shut down and not discuss with their parents what is going on.. or maybe he sees you are stressed and would just not want to add anymore to you? (i know that sounds insane given his running away, but we all handle things differently)... take things one step at a time, and I sure hope things turn around soon for you! <3

by Platinum Member on Nov. 8, 2014 at 5:52 PM
Can you contact the local churches for help with $?

Do you have a crisis center for kids near you?
by on Nov. 8, 2014 at 7:11 PM

That is exactly what my son has done. Shut down. He used to talk to me about what is going on and what he is feeling but he hasn't done that for awhile now. I just chalked it up to him being a teenager. As for the crisis center, there is nothing in the area like that. The closest thing I have found is crisis lines for him or I to call when things get bad.

As for the rental assistance, I have contacted many churches, rental assistance programs, DSHS, the housing authority, and have been told the same thing... there is no funding available at this time. The area I live in is still hurting pretty badly from the recession and there are a lot of people struggling, some much worse off than me. I am waiting for my application to get processed for emergency VA assistance but I don't know if that will be done in time.

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