Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What Do I Do?

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:58 AM
  • 22 Replies

I feel like I am failing my 12 year old daughter!  She is the sweetest child ever, she is funny and so kind hearted.  I admire her for so many reasons. It's like she isn't afraid of anything.  The thing is, she and I fight like crazy!  She has no respect for me.  I didn't raise her like this. My oldest and youngest are not like this although my youngest is starting to follow her example.  I have tried so hard to figure out what is going on.  She is a cheerleader for her middle school, she has tons of friends that she stays with or that come over on the weekends. We try to a lot together as a family.  But as soon as I tell her no, or tell her to do something it all goes crazy.  I am tired of yelling ( and crying!)  I have taken away every electronic she has which is only a phone (that she can only use with wifi because we had her service cut off when my husband lost his job,) and a tablet.  She doesn't care and will tell me that.  She tells me to get out of her room, which of course makes me respond with " it's my house" type response.  She has such a beautiful soul though, she really does.  I just don't know how to fix this situation. I don't want to break her spirit. I just want my respectful, loving daughter back!  Please, any advise is welcomed!

by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 9:58 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ceciliam
by Cecilia on Jan. 20, 2015 at 10:04 AM

Has she always been like this or is it new behavior? It could just be hormones, or you mentioned your husband lost his job, could she be stressed about that?

chm7911
by New Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 10:16 AM

She hasn't always been like this. She has always been the most stubborn out of the three though.  This behavior has been steadily getting worse over the last few years. He lost his job last year but has since then found employment. He was only out of work a few months.  I know some of it is hormones, she just started having her period about 5 months ago.  I try so hard to make sure she knows how much she is loved and give her praise for her accomplishments all the time.  She is in gifted/honors classes at her school and she is an amazing gymnast.  We pay for her to attend the school she goes to so that she can be with her friends and have some really good opportunities through the school. It has gotten to the point though that my husband and I are considering switching her to a school that is in our district to see if it is the influence from her friends at school.  I know influence is everywhere but her school although great academically is more focused on money and their football team.  I just don't know if a new environment would help or hurt at this point.

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 10:27 AM

Hormones are no excuse for rude behavior.  Disipline her for this.  Don't yell.  Give her consequences. 

chm7911
by New Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 10:45 AM

But that is my problem, I am all out of ideas.  So far nothing has worked.

gonecrazi
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 10:51 AM

Part of this is hormones the other part is her seeing how far she can push to get what she wants. Not giving in and taking away things she likes to do may help. I had one daughter she was a handful during her teen years. It gets better my daughter has turned into an awesome mom and is in the Navy.

chm7911
by New Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 11:03 AM

I hope it does.  We have taken everything away and it hasn't helped.  She has been grounded for a month at a time and she will do better, get her stuff back and then just start over again like it was nothing. It is a constant cycle of yelling and grounding.  At this point I am considering maybe taking her and the two of us meeting with a counselor once a week or something to see what is going on.  I don't know if there is something specific that is making her angry. She is like her dad in that she keeps stuff in and won't talk about it.  

Leelee1008
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:47 PM

well she is a pre teen.. welcome to teenage years... But you need to explain to her that her actions are not acceptable.. dont yell, be calm. I know you want to fly off the handle.. I have an almost 14 year old mouthy, rude son... If you take her phone/tablet away, and she said I dont care, say ok thank you. If she says get out of her room, take her door away. If shes a cheerleader and she still gets in trouble tell her no games, or practice. I think seeing a councilor would help out too. if there is something going on she can talk to them. If you loose your cool, shes feeding off of it. Also nip your younger childs fallowing in foot steps in the bud NOW.

splatz
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 2:29 PM

Ahh so not looking forward to the tween age. Here is a bump for someone who hopefully has some advice and experience! :) 

chm7911
by New Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 2:36 PM

That is actually really good advice. I haven't ever thought about taking her door. And honestly, I haven't wanted to cut out cheer because of all the money we have had to put in to it. But, I guess if that is what needs to happen then we can do it. I have a 14 year old daughter, she is turning 15 in July. She is completely opposite.  She is quite and helpful around the house.  I guess I was just never expecting this type of behavior.  I am working hard to correct my youngest daughters behavior.  It usually doesn't take more than explaining to her why it is wrong. Thanks for the advice! 

Quoting Leelee1008:

well she is a pre teen.. welcome to teenage years... But you need to explain to her that her actions are not acceptable.. dont yell, be calm. I know you want to fly off the handle.. I have an almost 14 year old mouthy, rude son... If you take her phone/tablet away, and she said I dont care, say ok thank you. If she says get out of her room, take her door away. If shes a cheerleader and she still gets in trouble tell her no games, or practice. I think seeing a councilor would help out too. if there is something going on she can talk to them. If you loose your cool, shes feeding off of it. Also nip your younger childs fallowing in foot steps in the bud NOW.


timon95
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 2:53 PM

she is trying to see how far she can get with you. like Leelee said, she needs to know that her actions WILL have consequences...no games, practices, friends. put your foot down on the little ones behavior and get that attitude changed fast. i am sure most of your 12yr olds attitude comes from the influence of her friends as well. If my dd gives me attitude I tell her she will no longer have any friends..no get togethers, texts, birthday parties, nothing, if her attitude doesn't change. it works

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)