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He feels like a bad father

Posted by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 11:38 AM
  • 27 Replies

I hope this doesn't come out as a jumbled mess, but here's some backstory: Our daughter turned 3 in November and she is the love of both of our lives, but she and him have always had a hard time. He has some anxiety issues and I think she senses that, so she ends up going to me for everything. She gets hurt and wants me, she needs something and goes to me, he tells her to go do something and she comes to me to see if that's right. I've tried telling her whatever he says is right, but it doesn't change anything. He is a very loving father, but when she is having issues or a bad day where she is testing our limits he gets angry way too easily and ends up yelling and disciplining too harshly. He tries not to yell, but he struggles with it. Whenever they get into a disagreement it ends up with her sobbing for me and him yelling, even if it's about something small. Example: There was a lice outbreak at her daycare and she ended up getting them, I am pregnant and my back was hurting so on the third night of dealing with this and combing out her hair I asked him to do it. It ended up with her fidgeting a ton and him getting angry and getting progressively more and more upset until she was in tears and he wanted to send her to her room for the rest of the night (it was still an hour and a half before her bedtime). I tried talking to him about calming down and she is just three and it is hard for her to hold still, she needs a toy or something to keep her attention and he felt like that would be rewarding her not listening and would not hear reason.


So, to summarize, he is a very present parent, they love spending time together, but he is terrible with controlling his anger when she is acting up and she doesn't seem to respect him. He feels like a terrible parent because he knows when he messes up and always apologizes, but I am the only one she runs to with open arms. She won't go to him unless I am unavailable or if he asks. She even seems to dislike him sometimes. It's so sad because he loves her soo much, I just don't know what to do and he feels like she doesn't love him. Does anyone have any advice?

by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 11:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Leelee1008
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 1:51 PM
1 mom liked this

it really sounds like something he needs to seek help for. He needs to learn how to controll his anger and anxiety.

splatz
by Bronze Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 2:34 PM
1 mom liked this

He needs help asap. 

Just from personal experience. It started as yelling and severely disciplining, then went to physical punishments that were way more than needed. Not saying that is the case for everyone obviously. But reading your post he sounds so much like my ex husband. :( 

The state ordered him to take a Love & Logic parenting class. That did help him to learn some techniques on how to parent better. 

delanna6two
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 3:18 PM

It's challenging because I know I lose it too many times with my own....hope things will work out and get better.

la_bella_vita
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 4:04 PM

This except instead of ex husband it sound like my father

Quoting splatz:

He needs help asap. 

Just from personal experience. It started as yelling and severely disciplining, then went to physical punishments that were way more than needed. Not saying that is the case for everyone obviously. But reading your post he sounds so much like my ex husband. :( 

The state ordered him to take a Love & Logic parenting class. That did help him to learn some techniques on how to parent better. 


AbbeysMom2013
by Gold Member on Jan. 20, 2015 at 4:23 PM
He needs some help for his angry.

Maybe they could have fun daddy/daughter time. They need bonding time also.
timon95
by on Jan. 20, 2015 at 10:19 PM

agreed. i think some father/daughter time would be great

Quoting AbbeysMom2013: He needs some help for his angry. Maybe they could have fun daddy/daughter time. They need bonding time also.


family car

Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Jan. 20, 2015 at 11:45 PM


Quoting AbbeysMom2013: He needs some help for his angry.

Maybe they could have fun daddy/daughter time. They need bonding time also.
a_and_j_momma
by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 1:13 AM
He needs counseling and father-daughter time
mrswillie
by Platinum Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 7:41 AM
He needs professional help.
Wish2Be
by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2015 at 7:47 AM

My DH has similair issues, but he doesnt suffer from anxiety. He has a low tolerance for childish stuff. My DH and DS are great together ....they play video games together, they watch tv together, and DH spoils him beyond belief ! Unfotunately when DS makes a mess in the media room DH flips and starts yelling and threatening to take things away from DS. Its immediate.  Or if DS starts to whine about something DH is the first to tell him that at 5 years old he needs to stop acting like a baby. :(

Honestly...you cant change him. You have to try and make things better by yourself and your own actions.

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