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New here need advice

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:37 PM
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Hello, I'm new here I was hoping to get some advice regarding my beautiful daughter. My daughter was bullied when she was younger in 3rd to 5th grade mainly (she's a freshman now) and I think that affected her self esteem. She still has issues with standing up for herself sometimes, but she's getting better. She always wonders why friends don't ask her to do things very much. She has friends and they text but when I ask her about why doesn't she ask a friend to hang out she says she does but they never respond at times then she says she doesn't ask them to do things because she feels they won't text her back. She also says that any boys that she likes or had liked would show interest in her then a few days or weeks later they say stuff like " this isn't going to work out" or end up liking someone else. When these issues arrive I try and help her with them at the time but it's hard to explain because this is what her experiences have been so far. My daughter is a very sensitive person and things like this effect her badly. She hates that about herself and I tell her that she should be very proud to be a sensitive person and that the world needs more people like her. A looonggg time ago (during being bullied) she had a "thought" about suicide but she said it was so quick and she's never had it again. (I didn't know this at that time). I should also say that when this bullying was going on she also got very sick with mono. She had a horrible time with this. She also experienced nausea with mono and my daughter has a fear of throwing up so she wouldn't eat and lost lots of weight. We took her to a counselor and that helped her, we also put her in karate and she plays softball and she came out other shell a lot. I just feel she missed the socializing part of growing up. Being sick, and  bullied happened all at once and I think it overwhelmed her.  Any advice would be grateful and sorry for the long post. TIA Suzie


by on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:40 PM

The world is a mean place.  She will have to grow a tougher skin eventually or be swallowed up in the world.  Ever consider counseling again?  

Retrokitty
by Silver Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 12:53 PM
Get her into some extra ciricular activities! They have special self esteem programs, but anything like dance or sports as well.

This is a good point to teach her some resilience!

Saying "grow up" or "get over it" is never a good option.
Teaching resilience teaches them to value their emotions, but also how to overcome them. It's more of an "I understand you feel that way, what can we do to change that"

It's pretty much emotional problem solving.
illogicalkat
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2015 at 1:38 PM
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Freshman year can be every bit as tough as middle school. It's a huge transition year, for everyone - I would not be surprised if most of her friends felt similar to her (although no one ever admits it to her peers.)

I would second the suggestion for extra-curriculars. Is she still in karate and softball? Also, any kind of activity that takes place separate from school can make a huge difference, even if it's just one day a week or month. A volunteer group, or  faith-based youth group, might be something to look for. Also, having some kind of leadership or mentoring position can make a huge difference - if there's a tutoring program for 6th- and 7th-graders, for instance. Having to take charge, or having people who look up to you, can do wonders for self-esteem. (The reverse of this also works - if there's a program that pairs older girls as mentors with freshmen. Having a friend who has been through it and can encourage her might help.)

countrygirlkat
by Kathleen on Jan. 31, 2015 at 10:15 PM
Welcome to the group! I am sorry things are so hard for your daughter. My son was bullied last year too. Do you have a church and youth group she attends?
mrswillie
by Platinum Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 9:30 AM
Welcome to the group. Freshman year is hard. Hopefully she will come around. Is she in any activities outside school?
Madelaine
by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 9:41 AM

Agreed!

Quoting Retrokitty: Get her into some extra ciricular activities! They have special self esteem programs, but anything like dance or sports as well. This is a good point to teach her some resilience! Saying "grow up" or "get over it" is never a good option. Teaching resilience teaches them to value their emotions, but also how to overcome them. It's more of an "I understand you feel that way, what can we do to change that" It's pretty much emotional problem solving.


snuglebuggie
by New Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 1:24 PM
my daughter plays softball, I've aways had my kids in activities outside of school. I feel she missed a very important part of socializing when all this stuff happened to her. Now I feel she's socially awkward and not sure how to help her not feel so insecure. She doesn't like talking about her feelings and will write in a diary that I gave her. But I feel she needs to get out and enjoy being a teenager. She sometimes will go to the mall with some friends but most of the time she's at home on the weekends.
Kmakksmom
by on Feb. 1, 2015 at 2:11 PM
This!

Quoting Retrokitty: Get her into some extra ciricular activities! They have special self esteem programs, but anything like dance or sports as well.

This is a good point to teach her some resilience!

Saying "grow up" or "get over it" is never a good option.
Teaching resilience teaches them to value their emotions, but also how to overcome them. It's more of an "I understand you feel that way, what can we do to change that"

It's pretty much emotional problem solving.
la_bella_vita
by on Feb. 1, 2015 at 2:22 PM

Welcome! I'm sorry your daughter is having a rough time. Joining activites, groups and clubs is a great activity! Encourage her to go to school related events and if you belong to a church, have her join the youth group. I made many friends that way.

yvonne37
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2015 at 6:29 PM
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 Hi Suzie, welcome to cafemom! :)

Does your daughter have a talent? something she knows and enjoys doing, that might help her create a little group?

maybe put her in other classes/hobbies that will introduce her to more kids?

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