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Much Needed Advice Please

Posted by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 8:54 PM
  • 25 Replies

My daughter called me today very upset, she has a 22 month old son and she is divorced, my grandson's Father picks him up at 9:30pm on Friday and brings him home at 6:30pm on Sunday. My daughter recently found out that her ex has been dropping off her son at daycare all day on Saturday instead of spending time with him, when she asked her ex about it he said he needed time with his girlfriend, then he said him and his girlfriend decided that the the baby needed to be potty trained so they bought a chair and made him sit onit naked for one hour until he went potty then they let him up. He is only 22 months old, it broke my heart to hear this, to us it sounds abusive and we re not sure what to do about it, does anyone have any advice?

by on Mar. 16, 2015 at 8:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Silver Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 8:56 PM
It's horrible....

But not technically abusive. If anything, she should call her lawyer and see what they say
by Bronze Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 9:01 PM
There's not much you can do to control what he does during his time with him. I also try to keep my kids on the potty as much as possible while potty training. My son is the same age as your grandson and a few weeks ago when he was potty training, I would read or sing songs with him while he sat on the potty. It worked great. I don't think that's abuse at all.

If your daughter is truly concerned that their child is in harms way, she should take her ex to court and try to get full custody. It doesn't sound like he is though.
by Platinum Member on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:36 PM
I don't think it is abusive. Inappropriate, yes. I would just take him to court to get the order amended
by Inga on Mar. 16, 2015 at 10:40 PM

I agree that it is not something that I would do, per se, but it also does not sound abusive.  My daughter was potty trained at 18 months and she sat on her potty for long periods of time (while I read to her or she watch TV).  Further, while the father SHOULD be spending time with his son, he is placing him in a (I assume) safe daycare environment which is also not abusive.  In your position, I would have my daughter talk to her lawyer about getting the visitation changed.  If he is not going to spend time with his son until Saturday night and then only on Sundays, maybe that is all the visitation he should get?

by Gold Member on Mar. 17, 2015 at 9:12 AM

Not sure if it's abusive, really, but she should definitely discuss everything with her lawyer and maybe get the custody agreement adjusted.

by New Member on Mar. 17, 2015 at 12:28 PM

My daughter does have a custody agreement that states her son is not to be put in daycare without both parents meeting the daycare workers and visiting the center and when she asked what the name of the daycare center was he admitted it was a neighbor of theirs not a daycare. My husband is a retired policde officer he did a background and we found out she is a disbarred lawyer she was found guilty of felony fraud and harboring dangerous animals, we also found out yesterday evening that my grandson does not have a bed at his fathers that he is made lay on the floor in an extra room in the apartment which is dangerous because he gets up at night, we asked what happens if he gets up his Dad said they lock him in the room so he can't get out. It is very upsetting, my daughter has decided to call her lawyer and take this back to court. Thank you everyone for your advice.

by Ruby Member on Mar. 17, 2015 at 12:34 PM

That is awful.  22 months is probably way too young and why get your kid and take them to daycare?  I trained mine more towards 3.  Before 2 is usually useless and especially for a boy.  Putting kids on the potty for long periods of time isn't at all potty training it just sitting them there and they go because they sit so long.  It is not feeling the sensation and them saying they have to go.  

Wonder if she can go to court??

by Bronze Member on Mar. 17, 2015 at 12:40 PM

I suggest your daughter has right of first refusal written into the court order. This means that if her ex can't take the child, she gets to take him back rather than allowing the child to go to daycare (or to a sitter - even family). 

by on Mar. 17, 2015 at 1:54 PM
I don't think it's abusive either, but if she (and/or you) think so, then try going back to court and amend the order.
by Member on Mar. 17, 2015 at 2:08 PM

While in his care, the father has the right to make decisions concerning his child  If he chooses to pay and send the child to daycare, so be it.  While you may not agree with his choices, it isn't abusive.  The child is being cared for. 

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