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Behavior issues with split homes :/ any advice on this?

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 9:42 AM
  • 31 Replies
So my son is 3 and he's a great kid. However not only is he in a 50/50 split family (me and ex dh divorced when he was a baby) but he is in 2 completely differently run households. At my house he has his 2 sisters and a brother on the way. Has his own room (he will soon share with his brother) has me and then my husband just typical family life. We do run a loose schedule at my house with bedtimes, chores, and homeschool. Cause my hubs is gone threw the week and with 3 children soon to be 4 under 4 it would be anarchy without some sort of schedule.

On his dad's end his dad lives with his parents and they don't do any schedules it's just kind of whatever he wants to do that day they take him to do. No bedtimes. No having his own room. (He sleeps with his dad or grandparents) no chores, just kinda all over the place with everything revolving around what he wants and being served on. Not the way I would parent but u see how different our lifestyles are.

Now he's a good kid. Listens well no major behavior problems like acting out in public or being violent or anything but I'm starting to have some problems and I'm torn with how to handle them.

Example. He gets our couch throw and covers up with it, it's a huge blanket, but got upset when his sister climbed to watch tv with him and then tried to get under the blaket with him. I tell them to share the blanket and he starts crying cause he don't want to share. Then he gets up and instead gets another blanket my daughter moves in his spot and sits beside me. I tell her to move back where she was because that is her brothers spot first and he goes into another crying session because he wants her to not sit beside him and wants her to sit all the way on the other end of the sectional alone. I tell him that's mean and that he can sit beside me but I'm not gonna make her move all by herself and he goes into "but I want her to sit there" crying and coughing all over again.

This is typical everytime I tell him to do something he don't like he always starts crying himself sick saying "but I don't want to" "but I want this or that" and will go to levels of making himself vomit over it. I usually send him to time out when explaining to him why he has to listen Fails (and it usually does) and it will be really petty things he cries over like because he has to pick up his toys, or I won't let him watch tv.

I've tried being sensitive and understanding the stress of growing up in 2 different households raising him 2 different ways but at the same time I don't want my other children to think I favor him by giving him so many chances to correct his behavior.

I've tried talking to his dad and well that didn't get me anywhere except him getting mad and thinking I'm heartless for giving a 3 year old an 8 o'clock bedtime....I'm at lost with how to handle this issue. I want to give him the things he needs and make this easier for him but at the same time I want to raise my children to have stability and be independent, responsible, human beings.

His dad is refusing to give him any structure that he desperately needs. I really can't change any of the structure within my own household cause that would be anarchy cause I run everything alone threw the week. What do I do to help my child?
by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 9:42 AM
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by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 11:02 AM

my son is older and goes to his father on weekends.  we have the same rules at both homes but the bedtime is not the same. he is not waking up early to go places when he is with his father, no school, etc on weekends. and this is there time to be together. Also there is no chores, just he may help out or do some things but not like he has things to do at home.

by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 11:38 AM
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time for dad to get on a need stability

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by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 11:46 AM
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This  needs to happen .. good luck :)

Quoting Hannahsmommy816:

time for dad to get on a need stability

by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 12:59 PM

One thing that is very important for kids are stability and a consistent schedule. It's tough when they are going between two households. Can you have a talk with his father about having most of the same rules and schedules for him? 


by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 1:48 PM

Quoting Hannahsmommy816:

time for dad to get on a need stability

This but I have no idea on how to go about that...

by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:26 PM

Talk to your ex again and see if you two can get on the same page. If not, go to court and get parenting changed. Once you explain there's no structure at the other house maybe the judge will just give your ex weekends.

by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:29 PM

Dad needs to have a schedule and stick to rules 

by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 2:49 PM
Have you talked to your ex and told him the schedule around your house and that your son needs to have that kind of schedule over at his house? That would probably help tremendously.
by on Oct. 8, 2015 at 4:09 PM
Kids need stability.
by Bronze Member on Oct. 8, 2015 at 5:14 PM

I agree with you that the dad needs to be stricter but if he wont listen and wont set a scheldule your hands are tied on that end. Make sure rules at your house are firm and a regular routine. It make take some adjustment but he will learn to appreciate the routine and rules with you. I dont know if there is anyway you can change the way the dad is doing things. I would provide research but everything you say is going to sound like an attack on his parenting, and it sucks but his house he is going to have his own rules. Try to establish a strong co-parenting plan now would be best

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