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Introducing boyfriend to kids

Posted by on Oct. 29, 2015 at 12:19 PM
  • 78 Replies
My children are 9 and 4. They're adopted and I've always been a single mother, so this is brand new for all of us. They know I'm seeing someone, but haven't met him yet. We've been going out almost 9 months now and I've been thinking more and more about introducing him to my kids. I just don't know the best way to do that. Should he come to our house, or should we meet him at a park or a restaurant? How do I prepare my kids to meet him? My son, 4, is really wants to meet him. My daughter really doesn't.
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by on Oct. 29, 2015 at 12:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jalvarez626
by Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 2:51 PM

That's a pretty big step for you and the boyfriend!  How does he feel about it?

If your daughter doesn't really care to meet him, then I would probably give it a little bit longer. Let her know you really like this guy and you want him to meet your kids. And just bring it up every now and then until she's comfortable with the idea. If you ever get to that point, then I would have him meet you guys in a kid friendly place, like the park. 

Good luck!  I hope everything works out well!

KAmamaJ
by Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:02 PM
He's ready and wants to meet them as well. It is a big step, but I think we're ready for it.

My daughter is never going to care to meet him, given her past, she was badly abused before she came to me, so men are always a touchy subject, it's just going to be something we'll have to do. She never wanted to meet my brother either, and she absolutely loves her uncle :)


Quoting jalvarez626:

That's a pretty big step for you and the boyfriend!  How does he feel about it?

If your daughter doesn't really care to meet him, then I would probably give it a little bit longer. Let her know you really like this guy and you want him to meet your kids. And just bring it up every now and then until she's comfortable with the idea. If you ever get to that point, then I would have him meet you guys in a kid friendly place, like the park. 

Good luck!  I hope everything works out well!

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jalvarez626
by Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:23 PM
4 moms liked this

I would definitely hold off on bringing him to your home if she's this apprehensive about meeting him given her history. Definitely ease her into meeting him and being around him in public places before bringing him into her home where she's supposed to feel safe.  Maybe if she sees how other family members act around him, it will ease her fears a little bit.

Quoting KAmamaJ: He's ready and wants to meet them as well. It is a big step, but I think we're ready for it. My daughter is never going to care to meet him, given her past, she was badly abused before she came to me, so men are always a touchy subject, it's just going to be something we'll have to do. She never wanted to meet my brother either, and she absolutely loves her uncle :)
Quoting jalvarez626:

That's a pretty big step for you and the boyfriend!  How does he feel about it?

If your daughter doesn't really care to meet him, then I would probably give it a little bit longer. Let her know you really like this guy and you want him to meet your kids. And just bring it up every now and then until she's comfortable with the idea. If you ever get to that point, then I would have him meet you guys in a kid friendly place, like the park. 

Good luck!  I hope everything works out well!


atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:41 PM

Has you dd had counseling?  I would suggest some for sure.  You can't be expected to not date or marry because your dd had a horrible past.  She needs to know that all men are not bad or she will never have a healthy relationship when she starts to date.  She obviously needs to know all men are not bad.  

Dzyre1115
by Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 3:42 PM
Unless you're contemplating marriage, what is the reason for them meeting?
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KAmamaJ
by Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:36 PM
No, I'm not contemplating marriage but I would never get to that point unless they have met. The reason for them to meet is so our relationship can move forward.

Quoting Dzyre1115: Unless you're contemplating marriage, what is the reason for them meeting?
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Dzyre1115
by Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:40 PM
2 moms liked this
Unless you're contemplating marriage, what does your relationship moving forward have to do with your children?

Quoting KAmamaJ: No, I'm not contemplating marriage but I would never get to that point unless they have met. The reason for them to meet is so our relationship can move forward.

Quoting Dzyre1115: Unless you're contemplating marriage, what is the reason for them meeting?
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brime98
by on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:48 PM
1 mom liked this
Public place, not at home. Don't force interaction, just let them be around each other.
KAmamaJ
by Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:56 PM
1 mom liked this
I just said that. I'm never going to get to a point where I'd consider marrying him unless he has met my children. We're a package deal.

Quoting Dzyre1115: Unless you're contemplating marriage, what does your relationship moving forward have to do with your children?

Quoting KAmamaJ: No, I'm not contemplating marriage but I would never get to that point unless they have met. The reason for them to meet is so our relationship can move forward.

Quoting Dzyre1115: Unless you're contemplating marriage, what is the reason for them meeting?
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KAmamaJ
by Member on Oct. 29, 2015 at 4:57 PM
Yes, she's had counseling and normally she does ok with meeting new men. She loves my father and my brother, and her little brother. But this is something she's never dealt with before. It's a combination of things that's making her react this way, not just one thing.

Quoting atlmom2:

Has you dd had counseling?  I would suggest some for sure.  You can't be expected to not date or marry because your dd had a horrible past.  She needs to know that all men are not bad or she will never have a healthy relationship when she starts to date.  She obviously needs to know all men are not bad.  

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