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Lazy 14 year old.....Suggestions?

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 11:43 AM
  • 15 Replies

My oldest son has absolutely NO ambition whatsoever. UNLESS, he gets some sort of instant gratification or it  somehow benefits him. He never used to be like this, when he was younger he always wanted to help out and was pretty good about doing things when asked. Heck, he would even volunteer himself to neighbors and friends/family for chores or shoveling etc. 

Now, he will help others but he won't do a damn thing at home. It's not like I ask a lot. Keep his room clean, do his laundry (he knows how), the dishes and other random things here or there. 

I have tried encouragement, punishment, positive reinforcement, removal of favorite items (it got so bad that all he had left to play with for a year was his legos everything else got confiscated), working towards vacations, spending money (I told him he could earn an allowance, he didn't care), leaving the stuff for him to do till he felt like doing it, chore charts, nagging him every day, leaving him notes. NOTHING WORKS. 

His little brother (almost 4) helps out more than he does. Nico will help me take out trash, clean kitchen, grab toys, mop floors etc. 

I just want him to grow up to be a contributing member of society, unfortunately the only thing he seems to be good at is manipulating situations/people into giving/doing what he wants them to. 

His dad isn't in the picture, he used to be until he moved out of state and started popping out kids left and right. My son always pulls this out as his trump card whenever we are at family events etc. Gets him alot of attention and whatnot. I have told him numerous times, you can't live in the past, it shapes you but only you can shape your future. Using the past as a crutch/excuse is NOT ok. 

by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 11:43 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Cecilia on Jan. 31, 2016 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this

It sounds like he could be depressed about what is going on with his father. Unfortunately you can't tell him how to feel but maybe you can help him cope with how he feels.

If he was once a helpful, motivated individual and now he is not, there is definitely something going on in his head besides being lazy.

Good luck.

by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 2:03 PM

I agree about him being depressed. Try counseling.

by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 5:24 PM
I agree that he may be depresses about his father leaving. Of course, if that is his trump card and he knows it gets him attention he could also be playing you to see how far you will go. He will only do things if he is rewarded, he is testing your limits. You need to be both parents and maybe he is thinking he will wear you down. Keep being persistent and consistent with him about helping out. But, also be there for him and let him know that.
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 6:42 PM
Its not ok but he's bothered by it idk just keep your cool sounds like you're doing right
by Mom2boys on Jan. 31, 2016 at 7:13 PM

Sounds like he is depressed.  

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by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 7:32 PM
He might need some help. Someone professional to talk to.
by Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 7:40 PM

Time to look for a psychiatrist then. Thank you! Tried it once before and it didn't really seem to help. But before his dad was still emailing/calling him. Been over a year since he last had contact, love when the ex gets the phone shut off again and he has no way to talk to him when he actually wants to. 

by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 7:53 PM

teenage depressiom way to common now

by on Jan. 31, 2016 at 8:58 PM

I would try and get him into counseling. This may be depresson and he will need help. However, don't back down on what you expect of him, He is playing the trump card to see what he can get away with. This is also normal teen stuff with testing boundaries.

by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2016 at 8:58 PM
Sounds like depression he needs some counseling
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