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Advice for help with MIL, especially on vacation

Posted by on Jan. 16, 2008 at 10:22 AM
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HI!

I'm going to try to  make this as short as possible, but I could go on for quite a while.  Basically, my mother-in-law is pretty controlling and I have a pretty non-aggressive personality and I feel like I'm getting trampled all over by her.  Thank goodness she lives across the country and so we only see her occassionally.  I know she loves us and our daughter, but I really feel like she oversteps her boundaries - A LOT. 

Best recent example - we were visiting them and our daughter had started waking up in the middle of the night again (she was 19 months) and before we went to bed my MIL said she would get up with DD if she woke up in the middle of the night.  I said that it was okay and I would get up with her.  Middle of the night - DD woke up and I was going to let her cry for a little bit to see if she would go back to sleep.  I barely got that thought through my head and I heard my MIL going in to her room.  SO, I got up and went in and before I got there MIL had DD up and out of her crib.  I foolishly let MIL try to handle it and for the next 1 1/12 hours I heard DD talking, playing, and so on.  My husband asked me if he should go up to his parent's room and get her at one point.  I said YES and then he didn't do it.

Anyway, we have other issues with them going on every vacation with us.  We are headed on vacation with my family and my MIL and FIL are coming too.  MIL suggested we get adjoining rooms so they can watch DD at night if we want to go out by ourselves one night.  I know it would be handy, and helpful for a night, BUT I feel like we will be monitored the whole trip.  They'll wait for us to go eat, if they hear DD at night she will want to know if she was up, why she was up.  (we'll be in Mexico at a resort we've been to before and the doors between adjoining rooms are not solid, you can hear things through them) When we're on vaca with them MIL likes to have things very shceduled and we aren't super scheduled. 

Of course, my husband thinks it's a great idea and has contacted the hotel to see if we can get adjoining rooms.  His parents arrive first and the hotel can't gurantee adjoining rooms and so he told his Mom to make sure she asks when they arrive. 

We leave in a few days and I think it's too late for me to object now.  I really need suggestions on how to stop thinking about this stuff because it is stressing me out and vacation should be relaxing.  My niece and nephews will be there and be a lot of fun.  But, I just keep thinking about my MIL hovering and talking constantly and hovering and talking constantly and hovering . . . . . . .

Any other suggestions about how to go on vacation without them would be helpful too.  If we take a vacation that they would be interested in, then they assume they're invited and my husband has no problem with it. 

Sorry about the length of the post.  Help please!

by on Jan. 16, 2008 at 10:22 AM
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makeitlast4ever
by on Jan. 16, 2008 at 10:59 AM
do you and your hubby ever go on vacation alone together? I think you're hust going to have to go along with it this time if you don't want to cause a rif between you and you MIL. This trip is already planned and I'm sure your MIL does not want to cause you grief. She probably is none the wiser to how you feel. But you have to discuss how you feel with your husband. let him know you love his mother, but you want to go on vacation just the two of you sometimes. He obviously doesn't mind going with them they are his parents and he probably misses them, but you want some time away just with him. I'm sure he can understand that.
Anyways when it comes to your daughter, your MIL doesn't sound as that bad. She probably just wants to spend as much time with her grandchild as she can. After all, you did mention that she lives far from you guys. My children no longer have a grandmother. My mom passed away when I was a girl and my MIL passed away last year. I regret not visiting her more often, because I know how much she loved my children. I hope you have a wonderful time on vacation and just remember you only have to do this once in a while. Try to make the best of it.
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