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What serious topics did you and your husband/ SO discuss before you decided to have children?

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2016 at 9:02 AM
  • 47 Replies

What did you and your mate consider important and needing to be discussed before the important decision to bring a new human being into the world?

by on Apr. 8, 2016 at 9:02 AM
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atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 9:24 AM
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We knew we wanted to own a home first and knew when we married we would wait at least 5 years for kids because saving was important to us to get a good start.  Also wanted to have some years of marriage for just the 2 of us.  Dh was in college most of when we dated but onlyl an hour away.  Ended up dh was traveling for year 3, 4 and 5 of our marriage so kids were out then because I wasn't going to be a single mom and also have dh miss milestone after milestone.  I ended up pregnant 9 months after we moved  for the 3rd time and 9  months after dh stopped traveling.  We bought our first home there too.  

zoo003
by Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 9:31 AM
1 mom liked this
A few of the things we discussed before children: Where to live, discipline, whether or not I would be a sahm, how many kids we wanted, spacing between, religion, school, etc. We tried to discuss all of the topics/issues that we thought might come up.
UpSheRises
by Bronze Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 9:34 AM
1 mom liked this
I think you need to know each other, which happens over time. I really don't think you can prepare for parenthood.
Bmat
by Barb on Apr. 8, 2016 at 9:57 AM

It must have been so valuable for your husband to no longer be away so much durinig the younger years especially.


Quoting atlmom2:

We knew we wanted to own a home first and knew when we married we would wait at least 5 years for kids because saving was important to us to get a good start.  Also wanted to have some years of marriage for just the 2 of us.  Dh was in college most of when we dated but onlyl an hour away.  Ended up dh was traveling for year 3, 4 and 5 of our marriage so kids were out then because I wasn't going to be a single mom and also have dh miss milestone after milestone.  I ended up pregnant 9 months after we moved  for the 3rd time and 9  months after dh stopped traveling.  We bought our first home there too.  


Bmat
by Barb on Apr. 8, 2016 at 9:58 AM
1 mom liked this

These were subjects that we discussed also.

Quoting zoo003: A few of the things we discussed before children: Where to live, discipline, whether or not I would be a sahm, how many kids we wanted, spacing between, religion, school, etc. We tried to discuss all of the topics/issues that we thought might come up.


atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:01 AM
1 mom liked this

He was pretty much only home every other weekend for 3 years.  The 4 months he was in Europe near the end of the 3 years he was only home one weekend a month, BUT, I got take a 10 day trip to France and Switzerland SO that was all worth it and most of our trip  was on the company too.  

Quoting Bmat:

It must have been so valuable for your husband to no longer be away so much durinig the younger years especially.

Quoting atlmom2:

We knew we wanted to own a home first and knew when we married we would wait at least 5 years for kids because saving was important to us to get a good start.  Also wanted to have some years of marriage for just the 2 of us.  Dh was in college most of when we dated but onlyl an hour away.  Ended up dh was traveling for year 3, 4 and 5 of our marriage so kids were out then because I wasn't going to be a single mom and also have dh miss milestone after milestone.  I ended up pregnant 9 months after we moved  for the 3rd time and 9  months after dh stopped traveling.  We bought our first home there too.  


Bmat
by Barb on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:03 AM

Was it hard for you for him to be away so much?  My husband was usually not away for long periods of time like this, but he missed a lot of the children's milestones.

Really nice about the trips!! 

Quoting atlmom2:

He was pretty much only home every other weekend for 3 years.  The 4 months he was in Europe near the end of the 3 years he was only home one weekend a month, BUT, I got take a 10 day trip to France and Switzerland SO that was all worth it and most of our trip  was on the company too.  

Quoting Bmat:

It must have been so valuable for your husband to no longer be away so much durinig the younger years especially.

Quoting atlmom2:

We knew we wanted to own a home first and knew when we married we would wait at least 5 years for kids because saving was important to us to get a good start.  Also wanted to have some years of marriage for just the 2 of us.  Dh was in college most of when we dated but onlyl an hour away.  Ended up dh was traveling for year 3, 4 and 5 of our marriage so kids were out then because I wasn't going to be a single mom and also have dh miss milestone after milestone.  I ended up pregnant 9 months after we moved  for the 3rd time and 9  months after dh stopped traveling.  We bought our first home there too.  



atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:10 AM
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It was just something we got used to.  We talked about 6 months or more about this career move etc.  Also we moved when he started traveling and the other wives would get together for support kinda like military wives.  That was good.  We also only moved 3 hours from where we lived before so on weekends that dh was gone, sometimes I would travel back and spend the night with a friend.  I also had a full time job, of course so that kept me busy.  We talked every day pretty much, on the company because this was way back when long distance was super expensive (this was 86 to 89).  The first 6 months or so he was miserable and wondered if he made the right decision.  The next  1 1/2 years he was happy and the last 6 months he wasn't that happy and it was time to move on.  

Dh is where he is today because of those 3 years really.  It was the fast track up the ladder.  He is retiring after nearly 32 years with the same company.  


Quoting Bmat:

Was it hard for you for him to be away so much?  My husband was usually not away for long periods of time like this, but he missed a lot of the children's milestones.

Really nice about the trips!! 

Quoting atlmom2:

He was pretty much only home every other weekend for 3 years.  The 4 months he was in Europe near the end of the 3 years he was only home one weekend a month, BUT, I got take a 10 day trip to France and Switzerland SO that was all worth it and most of our trip  was on the company too.  

Quoting Bmat:

It must have been so valuable for your husband to no longer be away so much durinig the younger years especially.

Quoting atlmom2:

We knew we wanted to own a home first and knew when we married we would wait at least 5 years for kids because saving was important to us to get a good start.  Also wanted to have some years of marriage for just the 2 of us.  Dh was in college most of when we dated but onlyl an hour away.  Ended up dh was traveling for year 3, 4 and 5 of our marriage so kids were out then because I wasn't going to be a single mom and also have dh miss milestone after milestone.  I ended up pregnant 9 months after we moved  for the 3rd time and 9  months after dh stopped traveling.  We bought our first home there too.  




PartyOfGirls
by Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:18 AM
1 mom liked this

SO and I dicussed no kids, I had 3 and he had 1 already he was almost 40 and I was just over 30. We both planned on getting fixed so we it wouldn't be an issue. His daughter was 16 then (18 now) and my oldest was 11, then 5 and 2 yrs old.

A month before I was going to get a tubal done we found out that I was pregnant, and honestly it has been a blessing, dd #5 is 4 months old and we are thrilled to have had her. Now my tubes are tied.

We never discussed parenting tips about having a kid together, but since we both had previous kids we already knew our parenting styles and they meshed pretty well witha few minor differences. lol



SweetLuci
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2016 at 10:20 AM
1 mom liked this

We discussed how long it would take for us to save enough money to first buy a house. 5 years was the plan. What we would do if birth control failed. If I would stay home. Where we would live. How we would raise them as far as religion and discipline. What we liked and disliked about how others were raising their kids. Lots and lots of discussions. My husbaqnd was 18 years older, so he insisted that I have credit in my own name in case something happened to him. We made sure we had life insurance on both of us (one mistake we made was that we didn't have disability insurance). Our plan was to wait 5 years while we both worked and lived very frugally. We rented a tiny trailer in a trailor park, then bought one cheap, and only had to pay lot rental. We discussed every purchase to decide if we really needed it. We did without a lot, and didn't feel deprived because our goal was to buy a house and have kids. I got pregnant and had a miscarriage at year 4, changed to different pill. Got pregnant soon after. We started looking for houses, and moved in 2 weeks before baby was born. I stayed home. Then a year later, my husband was in an accident and became disabled. Because we has savings, and I went back to work part-time, and we knew how to be frugal, we were able to survive. So plan but also plan for things to happen, because things don't always go according to plan.

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