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punishment to much?

Posted by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 7:50 AM
  • 24 Replies

My 13 yr old granddaughter has been acting out lately more so than usual. Shes been caught lying a lot recently. Her mom was the same way growing up and the apple didn't fall far from the tree. She has been grounded from all technology, including tv. She is seeing a therapist as to which I told her to be honest or she'll never get the help she needs but when she does her mom will say shes lying, so she'll never get the help she needs

A little back ground on her is that her dad passed away in April (he was an in and out kind of dad but she loved him dearly) my daughter and he never married or really lived together , in the past 13 years her mom has has at least 12 different men move in with them all leaving before a year was up. The one now has been the longest and they have a 4 yr old child together. The boy friend has always shown his hate for my granddaughter and has to be told how badly he treats her. He'll change but it never lasts. Her mom has a habit of constantly criticizing her, her hair, makeup. mascara and powder to cover her teen acne, clothes you name it my daughter will put it down when it comes to her daughter. They boyfriend does the same but he'll get within and inch of her face screaming at her. He looks for things just to her her grounded. The police have called twice on him. She also was touched by another student inappropriately which was handled by the school and police. She has also been bullied by her classmates.

My heart breaks for this child. I've told her that she is her own worst enemy. She has a strong need to be accepted and is going about it the wrong way. She has become disruptive in class talking to boys ect. She is normally a great kid and her mom has put too much responsibilities on her since she was 4. Her cousin, same age is really concerned for her cousins well being. My daughters latest punishment is no make up or hair products as to which my granddaughter is mortified. She carried an ice pack all day the first day, sat in back in all her classes. The second day my daughter allowed mascara but it got taken away again along with her hair products, next is her clothes. The kids at school are now calling her names such as mole rat, asking if she is sick because she looks like crap. Her cousin is really concerned because my granddaughter is constantly seeking her out for reassurance about her appearance. She feels she my become suicidal, her heart is breaking for her. I am also concerned. She has no one to talk to except me. everything she tells her school councilor again her moms says shes lying as to which they'll believe her mom over her. Her mom is the one that is lying to the school and councilor so she doesn't stand a chance. I understand its only make up but its the only thing I feel that she can control and she is hurting so bad. My daughter isn't so much using it as a punishment her words were "see how the kids will like you now, with no makeup, next is your clothes". She does this to ridicule her. My daughter said the school agrees with her decision and has praised her for sticking to it. Instead of focusing on her school which was the reason for the loss of make up she is now focusing on how uncomfortable she feels and can't concentrate at all.

Looking for help or any advice on a better way of punishment for my daughter to dole out than taking away my granddaughters self worth. I myself feel the ridicule isn't the way to handle this.







by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 7:50 AM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Gold Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 8:54 AM
2 moms liked this
Hopefully the mom will get rid of the boyfriend and focus more on her child. She doesn't need punishment but love, attention, guidance
Stevensmomma
by Bronze Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 8:55 AM
That was my thoughts

Quoting virginiamama71: Hopefully the mom will get rid of the boyfriend and focus more on her child. She doesn't need punishment but love, attention, guidance.
Alexsi1
by Bronze Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 10:47 AM
2 moms liked this

Reading this just broke my heart. You are right, ridicule will not fix your granddaughters problems. Her actions are a cry for help.

illogicalkat
by Gold Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 12:29 PM

Ok, if you're accused of a thing (in this case, lying) often enough, you're going to start doing it just because no one believes you anyway. Why should she tell the truth, if her mother insists she is lying about it?

Also, I have to wonder what happened to your daughter, that she treats her own child in this way. You missed something vital there; there was some sort of abuse that your daughter endured. People with healthy, loving families don't have a decade's worth of horrible boyfriends and ridicule their children. There was abuse, or trauma, and no treatment. 

atlmom2
by Ruby Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 1:01 PM

Sounds like they need family counseling and individual.  Sadly it will take years of work to undo all the mess and may never happen.  

MusherMaggie
by Silver Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 2:00 PM
1 mom liked this
Call CPS and have the children removed. Your daughter is the very definition of an unfit mother and is in need of counseling and therapy herself. I think both children would be better off in foster care.
Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Oct. 28, 2016 at 4:21 PM

It sounds mom has more important things than actually parenting. I would have called CPS forever ago.

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karenax
by Bronze Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 6:59 PM
Unfortunately I did call when my granddaughter was little. My daughter was making really bad choices in the men she was allowing in her home. She was abusive to her daughter but when investigated my daughter coached my granddaughter as she always did and does, case dropped. She was getting better until she got pregnant by this loser.

Quoting Mom2Just1:

It sounds mom has more important things than actually parenting. I would have called CPS forever ago.

karenax
by Bronze Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 7:03 PM
They had her in therapy but everything my granddaughter says is countered with she's lying even though she isn't. She can't win.

Quoting atlmom2:

Sounds like they need family counseling and individual.  Sadly it will take years of work to undo all the mess and may never happen.  

karenax
by Bronze Member on Oct. 28, 2016 at 7:22 PM
She was so popular as a child, but had a mean streak. Very bossy to them. I honestly don't know why she is the way she is to her kids. She wasn't brought up that way.

Quoting illogicalkat:

Ok, if you're accused of a thing (in this case, lying) often enough, you're going to start doing it just because no one believes you anyway. Why should she tell the truth, if her mother insists she is lying about it?

Also, I have to wonder what happened to your daughter, that she treats her own child in this way. You missed something vital there; there was some sort of abuse that your daughter endured. People with healthy, loving families don't have a decade's worth of horrible boyfriends and ridicule their children. There was abuse, or trauma, and no treatment. 

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