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Step Mom here in need of advice..

Posted by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 11:28 AM
  • 18 Replies
I need some advice from yall on what I should do bc honestly I'm torn over what I feel is the right thing to do and what everyone else wants..

LONG story short my husband and his ex have twins who just turned 13. My husband and his ex were 15 when they had the girls and very immature. He got mixed up in drugs and she kept the girls but lived with her parents and then left the girls with my husband's mom for about 2 years. BUT when they were with her they literally spent maybe 2 or 3 nights with her bc they were always at someone else's house.she had live in boyfriends here and there but nothing permanent until she met her husband about 4 years ago.

Neither one of these people were good parents for the girls and it took a while before they grew up unfortunately.

Now in the last 4 years my husband and their mom have gotten their crap together. My husband tries to see them on his weekends and spends time doing things and playing games and stuff with them. Their mom had been trying to get things going well on their end bc she got married and had a baby with her current husband and there was a LOT of family problems. My husband and I also have so had 2 children together.

The problem I'm having is that while neither were great parents in the past his ex holds his past over his head. Does not see, at all, that he is trying to make up for his past. He knows he lost time with his girls that he can never get back.

She makes it hard for us to see them.. we are supposed to get them every 1 3 and 5 weekend but instead we get them on the 2 and 4 IF she doesn't have plans with them bc she wants the girls there when her husbands children from a previous marriage are there. We've gone as long as 3 months without seeing them.. she and her husband are literally neighbors with his ex wife and the kids go to school together and see each other on a regular basis.

Their mom uses the excuse that she planned something on our weekend with them or that they don't want to come. They're 13, it's not that they conciously are refusing out of meanness they just have stuff they'd rather do there you know. We do understand that. occasionally it's ok to skip a weekend but not all the time.

My husband says he isn't fighting with her and gives her what she wants..

I on the other hand feel exactly the opposite. I feel like we should fight her on this.i love the girls, genuinly! And don't feel it's fair for her to take time away from OUR family time, what little we get with them anyway. It is so frustrating bc she still has a habit of sending them to stay with other ppl during the week and has told me this bc it's easier for her to deal with them. It breaks my heart and makes me so mad.

Idk what to I fight for the girls? So that we can be family too? MY kids, their siblings, want to see them too! If I do that I also have to take the blame for all the stress that's going to come of this..bc my husband has dealt with her doing this in the past and just gave up..

I just feel like I'm getting pushed aside bc I'm a step parent..I live the girls and care so much about their well being too!

I just don't know what the right thing is to do..oh and I looked into the whole 13 they can say they don't want to come thing and you have to go to court to make that effective..if I wanted to be a jerk. The girls would come if they were told they had's not out of meanness or us being mean that they don't want to come sometimes.
by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 11:28 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Silver Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this
It's something the parents need to work out together.
by Mom2boys on Oct. 27, 2016 at 12:46 PM
Time for court!
by Bronze Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 1:44 PM
2 moms liked this

Dad needs to take her to court and get a set visitation. Mom made her mistakes too. Dad needs to tell her he is not interested in rehashing up the past and he wants a set schedule for the kids. She can work ewith him or she can go pay for an attorney if she doesnt cooperate. Does he pay any support?

by Mariah on Oct. 27, 2016 at 2:28 PM
He needs to take it to court if she doesn't want to work with him.
by Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 2:33 PM

Time to go to court

by Bronze Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 5:59 PM

I would encourage him to go to court over her violating the court orders.

by Platinum Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 9:32 PM
1 mom liked this

If it were me, I would tell the birth mother that she needs to stick to the schedule because it is causing too much disruption in your lives, and if she can't do that, then you will go to court. Of course this is something that your husband has to do, because the agreement has to be between the parents, and unfortunately, no matter how unfair it is, you are not involved in this. You can talk to your husband and try to encourage him, but as long as he keeps being a wimp about it, she will walk all over him.

by Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 10:29 PM
It's time to go to court and have a visitation order stating who gets them on what days.
by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 10:29 PM
2 moms liked this

All on dad.  He doesn't want to fight and it isn't your fight.  The kids have two parents, one seems to be trying harder than the other at present (and it isn't the one you're married to) because he just rolls over.  His choice.  This is one of those things you have to accept because chances are mom won't care one bit about what you want with her kids because they are your family.  Your family, true, but her children with your husband and that trumps you when dad isn't wanting to deal with it.

by Barb on Oct. 28, 2016 at 9:20 AM
1 mom liked this

Counseling for the girls. It sounds as though they had a disruptive upbringing, and a lawyer to lay things on the line about visiting. But your husband has to deal with this.

Here is another group that could possibly have more advice if you'd like to check it out:

Join us in Stepmom Central

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