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How do I respectfully decline?

Posted by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 12:14 PM
  • 28 Replies
My cousin's fiancé asked me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding. I'm not close with either of them, he is in and out of prison and makes horrible decisions. I have kind of made it a point to stay far away from him. I have seen him once in five years. I only met her once over Labor Day weekend. I told her money is very tight because I'm in the middle of moving out of my mother's house. I graciously thanked her for asking me but I declined. I work 3 jobs and I barely have time to spend with my family, let alone be apart of a wedding of people I barely know.

She wouldn't take no for any answer. She said it's not until August and she will pay for my dress. I don't know what else to say to her. She won't accept my answer. I don't want to be in her wedding, but I don't want to hurt her feelings either. Weddings are expensive and time consuming. What would you do in this situation?
by on Oct. 27, 2016 at 12:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
virginiamama71
by Silver Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 12:17 PM
I would say no thanks. If asked again I would say sorry I'm not interested but I will try to attend. If she continues to bother you, ignore her.
Bmat
by Barb on Oct. 27, 2016 at 12:29 PM
4 moms liked this

It is sad that you and she both are in this situation. For her to ask someone she has only met once says to me that she can't find a closer friend who would do it.

skyenbaby
by Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 12:38 PM
I know. That's what I thought. For her to ask me, does that mean she doesn't have any other family or friends that can be in her wedding? But when it comes down to it, I avoid my cousin like the plague because of how much trouble he is always in. Mid thirties and in and out of prison for drugs, shoplifting and other offenses. He doesn't even have any off his 4 children. I have horrible memories of him from
When we were children that I don't want to get in to. If it was anyone else I may suck it up and just do it. But I can't for this one. I physically/mentally/emotionally cannot do it.

Quoting Bmat:

It is sad that you and she both are in this situation. For her to ask someone she has only met once says to me that she can't find a closer friend who would do it.

Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Oct. 27, 2016 at 12:42 PM
Keep declining.
Bmat
by Barb on Oct. 27, 2016 at 12:43 PM

How about this. If you tell the bride that although you'd like to get to know her better, you don't want to be around your cousin. Or some wording like this. Something to help her not feel hurt and angry so much. If you want to of course. You never have to  try to get together with her, of course.

Or,  instead of making an excuse, say I just can't do it. I am very sorry.


Quoting skyenbaby: I know. That's what I thought. For her to ask me, does that mean she doesn't have any other family or friends that can be in her wedding? But when it comes down to it, I avoid my cousin like the plague because of how much trouble he is always in. Mid thirties and in and out of prison for drugs, shoplifting and other offenses. He doesn't even have any off his 4 children. I have horrible memories of him from When we were children that I don't want to get in to. If it was anyone else I may suck it up and just do it. But I can't for this one. I physically/mentally/emotionally cannot do it.
Quoting Bmat:

It is sad that you and she both are in this situation. For her to ask someone she has only met once says to me that she can't find a closer friend who would do it.


iamcafemom83
by Mariah on Oct. 27, 2016 at 2:35 PM
4 moms liked this
Tell her that you appreciate her kind offer, and are happy for them, but you won't be able to fulfill all the obligations of being a bridesmaid and that you don't want to burden anyone meeting your obligations.
ablackdolphin
by Gold Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 5:02 PM
Tell her is she pays 100% of yhe costs you will do it.
Bmat
by Barb on Oct. 27, 2016 at 5:06 PM

I like this suggestion.

Quoting iamcafemom83: Tell her that you appreciate her kind offer, and are happy for them, but you won't be able to fulfill all the obligations of being a bridesmaid and that you don't want to burden anyone meeting your obligations.


skyenbaby
by Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 5:26 PM
That doesn't help anything. The money is only one factor. I sincerely do not want to be a part of this day other than as a guest.

Quoting ablackdolphin: Tell her is she pays 100% of yhe costs you will do it.
skyenbaby
by Member on Oct. 27, 2016 at 5:27 PM
Thank you. I like this. Firm, but still kind.

Quoting iamcafemom83: Tell her that you appreciate her kind offer, and are happy for them, but you won't be able to fulfill all the obligations of being a bridesmaid and that you don't want to burden anyone meeting your obligations.
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