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"Oh you are so.....!" and other LABELS

Posted by on Nov. 11, 2016 at 6:27 PM
  • 11 Replies

“Oh you are so….”    Complete the sentence with your own words

How many of you have not used it to Label your little one?

“You are lazy!”, “You are silly!”, “You are unorganised…”, “You are so impatient!”, ‘You are so stubborn!” and so many others LABELS

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“I’ve told you over and over…You are so….”

Did you ever think that using Labels and characterizations for your children may lead them unintentionally to fulfill your prophecy for them? Maybe he is not lazy; but your thinking of him being lazy bones, makes him act like one. He is convinced that by playing lazy, he will get along with you and your expectations and make you happy. And this way, he will be happy too, because he is  no surprise to you,and thus need not to worry any more.

On the other hand, LABELS may prejudice us towards them. If you say that your child “is sensitive” , you will behave with more subtleness and sensitivity, without really bother to check if he is actually sensitive or it is your own conclusion. If you think that he “is just being so stubborn”, you may not notice that his reluctance to go to the gym is because there is some other kid who is teasing him

You can also look in your own adult life. When you go to ask for something from your “horrible boss”, do you really believe that he will be glad to hear your thoughts and ideas? Even if he hasn’t really ever mentioned something, your labeling him as “Horrible Boss” gives you a negative predisposition against him

It all starts with the mind. Try not to be biased; not to judge sentimentally and Listen. Listen to what the other has to say;it may not be what you had expected.Maybe your kid will be stubborn for something he wants Right NOW.That doesn’t mean he is stubborn and selfish ALL the time. Take time to reflect your thoughts. Are your conclusions objective? Perhaps you are missing some details to get the whole picture.

Don’t jump into swift  conclusions.

Look, Listen and Learn!

Do you use LABELS for your own children?

If yes, what are the most common? 
Please,feel free to share your thoughts!

by on Nov. 11, 2016 at 6:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
SweetLuci
by Platinum Member on Nov. 11, 2016 at 7:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't label people with negative remarks, and I don't use always, never and other extreme discriptions. I try to address the behaviour or action of the moment. Kids try to live up to our expectations of them. I try to make my comments positive.

Now that you've stated what shouldn't be done; what do you propose should be done?

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by on Nov. 11, 2016 at 8:56 PM
1 mom liked this

Try not to do this :)

mamamedic69
by on Nov. 11, 2016 at 9:14 PM
1 mom liked this

We don't label in a negative sense. I have a special needs child and sometimes labels actually help her in recognizing patterns etc.

momofsixangels
by Gold Member on Nov. 11, 2016 at 9:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Don't like to say things like that to my kids
Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Nov. 11, 2016 at 10:53 PM
1 mom liked this

My youngest is shy. I use that label to explain to other people why they can't just approach her and try to hold her.

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Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Nov. 11, 2016 at 10:53 PM
1 mom liked this

My middle child is my crazy one! I use that in a good sense. He is my kid who will probably change the world for the better. (: I hope!

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Mom2Just1
by Mom2boys on Nov. 11, 2016 at 10:54 PM
1 mom liked this

My oldest is sensitive. It really bothers him when people are mean to other people.  This election has been hard for him!

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Azure
by on Nov. 13, 2016 at 1:24 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeah-who doesn't, from time to time? It happens. I also use positive labels. I think being empathetic  is great but I'm not going to freak out that my teenager is going to be lazy forever because I chided him about being lazy when not getting his chores done when he was supposed to.

Apr1l
by Gold Member on Nov. 13, 2016 at 3:49 PM
1 mom liked this
So smart talented funny good
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Lpantaz
by Member on Nov. 13, 2016 at 5:36 PM
Yes I am new to cafemom!
I think positive reinforcement is one way to go ; and surely you are right about not using extreme descriptions.
I think also trying to understand the child 's behavior is helpful ; because it may be caused by something other than the obvious

Quoting SweetLuci:

I don't label people with negative remarks, and I don't use always, never and other extreme discriptions. I try to address the behaviour or action of the moment. Kids try to live up to our expectations of them. I try to make my comments positive.

Now that you've stated what shouldn't be done; what do you propose should be done?

I see that you're a new member. Welcome to the group. Are you also new to CafeMom?

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You must be a member to reply to this post.
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