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Need help dealing with someone who keeps overstepping boundaries

Posted by on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:14 PM
  • 25 Replies

My daughter and grandson who is 4 1/2 live with me.  Mom has sole custody of child with dad having parenting time and child support. Dad and child have never had overnight visits for several reasons.   Dad and mom have had trouble co-parenting. Dad doesnt want to co operate with mom. Over the last few months things have really detoriated.  Mom is very protective about son.  She has told dad's girlfriend to not post the child's pictures on her social media page, only on the dad's or the other grandma's page.  Over and over she has posted the pictures on her page, we only find out about them because people tell us they are on her page she has mom blocked.  Last weekend a relative of moms sent her a screenshot of where the girlfriend had put the childs picture out on several facebook groups begging for easter and birthday help, she also made it sound like she was the mother of this child. Mom went to these groups and had the post removed and this has started world war3.  Dad contiues to berate mom, calling her a spoiled princess, telling her she needs to grow up, etc.  He also continues to call me names, tells me to stay out of business with his son, etc.  I finally had enough of his verbal abuse of us so i told him that he was no longer allowed to pick his son up at my house, he would need to make arrangements for his sister or mother to pick up the child and bring him back.  Dad refuses to do so.  He was told this in person, via text and by the police when he showed up for a visit. Meanwhile on tues when he shows up for his visit he calls the cops, i explain to the cops why he isnt allowed to be on the property, cops make us send the child out and while we are talking to them, the girlfriend picks him up like hes a baby and carries him to the car.  The cops told him he needed to have someone else pick the child up today, guess what he shows up today and calls the cops, grandson and daughter were not here, family emergency.  How do we handle the girlfriend who is always overstepping her boundaries?  When she got caught posting on social media, she cried im sorry, i shouldnt have done, then she texts me to apologize and beg for her and the boyfriend to be allowed to pick him up at my house, when i refuse she gets mad and when i again refuse she tells me if i text her again she is going to call the police and file harrassment charges on me.  This is not the first time she has done this, in the last 2 years she has filed at least 10 false reports on either myself, my daughter or both of us.  At one point we would not allow her around the child for about a month, after apologizing yet again and swearing she would never overstep her boundaries again, never file another police report etc she has learned her lesson, this time it lasted 6 months.  How do we deal with this over and over?

by on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Saphira1207
by on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:23 PM
2 moms liked this

considering how much of her shenanigans are written down and verified by the cops, I'd suggest a restraining order.  Preferably one that includes a social media blackout. 

babyboxfish
by Member on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:28 PM

agreed

Quoting Saphira1207:

considering how much of her shenanigans are written down and verified by the cops, I'd suggest a restraining order.  Preferably one that includes a social media blackout. 


Sarafinn2012
by Member on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:29 PM
This is just my opinion, but I think if they've been together for 2 years, there's no reason she shouldn't be allowed to pick the kid up. You guys need to learn to deal with it. My ex's gf pucks my kids up all the time. I let her in my house. It's a part of coparenting when the parents aren't together. It would be different if he was dragging random women in and out the child's life.
JonathansNeeny
by New Member on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:31 PM

we have tried to get a restraining order, in our state its not possible because she is not related to the child or in a relationship with the child's mother, we have also had problems getting one against dad as well


Quoting Saphiwe1207:

considering how much of her shenanigans are written down and verified by the cops, I'd suggest a restraining order.  Preferably one that includes a social media blackout. 


virginiamama71
by Gold Member on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:32 PM
1 mom liked this
This is a problem with every single adult not just one.
Find a way to work it out so the father can peacefully pick up his child and stop telling the girlfriend not to do something than arguing over it.
JonathansNeeny
by New Member on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:33 PM

the problem is the child is big enough to walk on his own, he doesnt need to be carried like he's a baby, we already have behavior issues with him as it is, if hes treated like a baby then he wants to act like one.  when she carries him like that, at school the next day he expects his teacher to carry him around


Quoting Sarafinn2012: This is just my opinion, but I think if they've been together for 2 years, there's no reason she shouldn't be allowed to pick the kid up. You guys need to learn to deal with it. My ex's gf pucks my kids up all the time. I let her in my house. It's a part of coparenting when the parents aren't together. It would be different if he was dragging random women in and out the child's life.


JonathansNeeny
by New Member on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:36 PM

we have tried to work it out over and over, its just the same song over and over, they will apologize were sorry were stressed we didnt mean to do it, it wont happen again, it works for a short time then starts all over again.  After 2 years of name calling nonstop i have had enough, if you want to talk that away you can to your mother, girlfriend or sister, but not me.  So i set some boundaries.


Quoting virginiamama71: This is a problem with every single adult not just one. Find a way to work it out so the father can peacefully pick up his child and stop telling the girlfriend not to do something than arguing over it.


Zonjon1011
by on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:40 PM

Meet at McDonald's or a gas station ffs. Learn to use some common sense. You sound like a bunch of rednecks.

SuperEpi
by Member on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:43 PM
The only one truly suffering here is the child. I understand your dd's perspective - I do not tolerate other people posting pictures of my kids. It's a violation of privacy. That said, there's just going to have to be some things that need to be let go. Can your dd get this added to her custody order? Can your dd meet her ex somewhere else for pick up and drop off? I just think getting the cops involved repeatedly hurts everyone's reputation, and, most importantly, does irreparable damage to a child who only sees people he loves fighting over him.
amantonacci
by Member on Mar. 18, 2017 at 8:46 PM
I think the posting on the girlfriends Facebook issue is not picking your battles wisely. Same with her picking him up and carrying him. The situation with pick ups and drop offs at the child's residence should be modified via the courts. You should stay out of any and all communication with either of them and your dd should only communicate via test or email
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