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Invitation addressed to all but one child

Posted by on Mar. 20, 2017 at 5:05 AM
  • 48 Replies
I had a kid free wedding, so I get it, hell I enjoy a kid free wedding. However, I'm having a really hard time wrapping my head around this one.
Today, and on his 6th birthday bc timing can stink, my mailbox had two packages that my son excitedly carried in. One addressed to my husband and I & one addressed to his two children. My child's name was clearly the reason for the two invites (can't say & family when one kid isn't welcome). They were wedding invitations from someone he considers family.
I've tried to rationalize and not be pissed off but hearing the sorrow in my child's voice when he was uninvited has really struck my nerve. I know, I know it's a wedding and he wouldn't really want to be there; but isn't it sort of all or none? Don't you pick to either invite all children in one home or none? Is my son seriously supposed to watch as his family gets ready for a special occasion and then wave with a babysitter as we leave? I'm having a really hard time with this one and could use some (positive) and friendly advice for not being insulted.
by on Mar. 20, 2017 at 5:05 AM
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by Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 5:14 AM
3 moms liked this

Some one in your husband's family is a real asshole.   Frankly, I wouldn't go.  Let your Dh and "his kids" go , and you stay home and do something fun with YOUR son.

by Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 5:18 AM
1 mom liked this
Holy fuck. That is not ok. We wouldn't be attending. If his kids are old enough to go without him and they wanted to, fine. But my DH would not go (I wouldn't have to tell him how I felt; his attendance would show he is ok with excluding one child)
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 5:21 AM
2 moms liked this
Those invites would have been returned to sender or straight to the trash and only recognized as junk mail. That's a quick way to get yourself dismissed from my life. And I'd never engage in a discussion about it again. Something & someone if that caliber had no place in our lives.
by Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 5:26 AM
1 mom liked this
Maybe it was an over site?
by Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 5:33 AM
@easedropping I hope you're right, I just don't see how that can be. I would assume, since his children aren't old enough to be included with a plus one, that if the entire family was invited that one invitation with Mr & Mrs & family would have sufficed. I took the second invitation addressed specific to the other two children as a clear indication my child wasn't welcome. But, I could be super sensitive to the issue. Unfortunately, this is not the first time he's been left out of their family events which causes clear problems bc I'm constantly enforcing to him that even though this was originally "our" home that he now has two other children he needs to consider and respect. The last time he was left out was a beach outting for all the cousins; two of them are in his class at school.
by Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 5:34 AM

how old are HIS children?  is the 6 year old HIS child too?

IDK maybe its me, but my SO kids are teens, mine are still under 10, when we are invited places and my kids arent but his are, i am stoked.

not seeing an issue to why you feel upset, unless of course his kids are 6 too

by on Mar. 20, 2017 at 5:35 AM

How old are his kids ? If his kids are a lot older it might be that. How does your child behave in public? some people will only invite older children to weddings to avoid a bunch of loud little kids trying to run around.

by Platinum Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:25 AM

how old are his kids ? Is your son his child also ?

by Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 7:23 AM
My son is not his child. His children are 12 & 15; and out of the three children last week I had to scold one for eating with their fingers in public and being wildly inappropriate and it wasn't my child. his niece and nephew are 11 & 15 and also received invites addressed to "and family" so the singling out of the invitation was specifically for my son.

I guess I get it; I just wouldn't do that sort of thing as it definitely alienates one person. Even if she had warned me first and said, "hey we are putting the invites in the mail, we feel your child is too young..."

I just sort of felt blindsided especially considering I just sent a $200 shower gift to the bride. My son was at a wedding they attended in the fall. He was the ring bearer and I received numerous compliments on his behavior and how he has an "old soul". This sort of exclusion sets the tone of "he's not a part of your family" and esp bc there's one of him and two of his step siblings I worry about how this will later impact him should the excluding continue.

Honestly, if he had been invited I would have asked him if he wanted to attend and set the tone of his behavior expected and he probably would have chosen something's the feeling left out that bothers me.
by Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 7:27 AM
3 moms liked this

Oh hell no. I would lose my shit if someone did that to my child. None of us would go in this situation and I would not send a gift either.

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